confused feelings?- please read and stick with as desperately need some feedback- thx

[inlimbo/confused]

Am I right to feel this way? Long but please please read.

 

I got together with my girlfriend a little under 3 years ago having met each other at uni and living in the same flat.

 

We got together almost straight away at the start of uni, breaking up for a short while at the start of the relationship because we didnt know if it would work living together.

We hadn't slept together at the point of the break. We had a great first year having sex all day long and got along great.

 

Towards the end of the first year I read her diary (which I know I shouldnt have done). It turned out that she had slept with someone during the break and snuck him out early the next day so "i didnt see him". The diary also went on how she had later been for "a really nice chat with him....how he had such beautiful eyes then come straight up to see me" exclamation mark etc

 

She claims she thought I knew they had slept together as she only slept down the hall but I had no idea until I read the diary.

 

We had not really begun a full on relationship at the time she slept with this bloke but it almost felt as if it had happened at the time I read it nearly a year into the relationship. Is this normal?

I also liked to look at our first year together as very special but I just cant help but see it as tainted by this.

 

On top of this I cant help of thinking as myself as second best as I imagine she had this chat with the guy who wanted to end it so she came to me who was prepared to have what she wanted i.e a relationship.

 

These feelings have only just started to really bother me which I dont know why, possible because im really having to think do we have a future together having almost reached 3 years but also combined the feeling that she is ready to settle down having slept with 5 men but I sometimes feel I havent done the single thing yet having lost my virginity just b4 going into university and jumping straight into a full on relationship.

 

Sorry to go on but because prob so complicated its hard to find someone to get real advice off. Its really churning me up- in need some help

[billybadass36]

This is why you should NEVER read someone else's diary. I don't know how to help you with this one. If it was me, I'd probably feel the same way, but you have to realize that your relationship wasn't really "on" at the time she slept with this other guy, so I don't think she "owed" you her fidelity at that point. Regardless of why she and this guy aren't together, the point is that you and she ARE together and apparently have had a nice relationship develop. Now, had you read the diary and had learned that she had been sleeping with the whole football team since you two started seeing each other, then you'd have some serious cause for concern.

 

If I were you: I wouldn't say anything about it...especially if you want to continue to peek in her diary from time to time.