Boyfriend makes me feel like I'm not good enough/guilty

[AbbyMarie21]

Hi there everyone. I'm kind of new to this. So,lease bare with me. I'm having problems with my boyfriend of 3 years and 10 months. When we first met,he was sweet but never mean at all. Now,I was having problems at my aunts house (she was my caretaker at the time) so my bf's mom let me move in with them. (Yes,now I realize that's a huge mistake) Anyway, when we get into arguments,he starts to make me feel bad/semi dependent on him. For example, I'll say "You never help me clean the room,nor the bathroom" etc and he'll respond with something along the words of "Who bought you groceries for the 6 months that you were without a job? Who took you to your job interview?" Stuff like that. That's happened numerous times over the course of 3 years & 10 months. I'm not really sure what he's trying to achieve when he says things like this. I don't like to cry, but sometimes I'll go somewhere to be alone. He'll come in there,and act like everything is fine, not even hug me or kiss me nor apologize. If anyone has some value advice for this situation,it'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you, I hope y'all have a good night..

[Toddbt12y1]

Well, he should help clean-up, and not throw-back his good deeds toward you, back into your face. It cheapens those good deeds. It serves as a cop-out to cleaning up. With that said though:

 

You do not have a job(?) Going by this knowledge, if he works, you could handle the cleaning. Not entirely unfair.

 

Why do you not work? I saw you mentioned your aunt as a caretaker..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there everyone. I'm kind of new to this. So,lease bare with me. I'm having problems with my boyfriend of 3 years and 10 months. When we first met,he was sweet but never mean at all. Now,I was having problems at my aunts house (she was my caretaker at the time) so my bf's mom let me move in with them. (Yes,now I realize that's a huge mistake) Anyway, when we get into arguments,he starts to make me feel bad/semi dependent on him. For example, I'll say "You never help me clean the room,nor the bathroom" etc and he'll respond with something along the words of "Who bought you groceries for the 6 months that you were without a job? Who took you to your job interview?" Stuff like that. That's happened numerous times over the course of 3 years & 10 months. I'm not really sure what he's trying to achieve when he says things like this. I don't like to cry, but sometimes I'll go somewhere to be alone. He'll come in there,and act like everything is fine, not even hug me or kiss me nor apologize. If anyone has some value advice for this situation,it'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you, I hope y'all have a good night..

[AbbyMarie21]

I recently got fired right after my 21st birthday. He used to work full-time,but now he's on call. He hasn't worked for over 2 weeks now. When we both used to have jobs,he still didn't help me clean. He'd sit on his butt,and sometimes watch me as I was cleaning. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself,bc he throws those deeds back in my face. It's not right,and he does not apologize. When I was living with my aunt, I was 17. That was a while back. I'm currently trying to find work,but its hard nowadays to find one,but I'm still looking.

[darkmoon]

you're in love with a lazy man, I'd suggest discussion or a rota, but he might still go on about the groceries thing (the hero! not) maybe you need to look good and hard at what he is, that is, the what-he-is now that you know him well

 

yoiu could just stop doing the cleaning, but I must say, I read in a survey how women like to do it themselves cuz men do not do it so well, which I have seen, so that do so that they do not get relied on to undertake 50/50% so lazy men get away with it

[Toddbt12y1]

Thanks for clearing that up. Considering this information:

 

He is absolutely disrespectful of you. Respect is key to a relationship. As well, he is emotionally blackmailing you -abuse, if I were you, I'd leave him, when it is possible. You deserve better, it will hurt and be hard....but you have to muscle through it: take what's better for you.

 

He's lazy bum.

[AbbyMarie21]

Thank you, Todd. Right now is a hard time for me. And you are right about him emotionally blackmailing me. I'm thinking about staying with my aunt,to think on things,and also get my life together. (Hence getting a job,and looking into colleges)

[AbbyMarie21]

@Darkmoon you are right,also. I know he will go on about the grocery ordeal. He doesn't even have his GED,I graduated in 2010..while he's still a high school drop out. I preferably do like to clean it myself. Bc he does a half a** job at cleaning.. Lol