how to interpret this

[Simon Phoenix]

For the record. You quoted my whole post

 

The heck are you talking about?

[TaraMaiden]

Admin, please close this thread. Thank you, problem has been resolved.

 

No it's not resolved.... You're just failing to see the point.

 

Look, I would certainly totally advise you go date other women. In fact, I would heartily and strongly recommend you do. In fact, I would insist you do.

 

Distancing yourself from her will give you a better perspective on what is happening here.

The dynamics have changed; she is clearly not interested in you as a relationship partner.

She is clearly interested in you as someone she can simply call a good friend.

 

You may harbour hopes of a rekindling, but I really wouldn't make it even a mid-level priority, let alone a top one....

 

Cutting ties is something recommended in the No Contact Guide, because it gives you an opportunity to evaluate your own feelings and adjust your response levels appropriately.

 

If you're in the wood, it's hard to see the trees, if you get my drift.

 

The best way to evaluate a fine work of art is to do so from a distance.

This is what you do with a situation like this.

 

Put yourself outside of the boundary, so you can see it in its full image.....

You're only at the stage you're at, because if you're honest, you seem to want different things - or to be more precise, you both have the cake, but you'd like the cherry on the cake....

 

However, I would strongly encourage you to date other women, and let her be more of a sideline for a while.

By dating other women - seriously - with a view to forming a sound, solid relationship with them, not just to 'date and have some fun' - you will gain a better perspective on how THIS scenario is working for you.

 

Or rather - isn't.

 

Examine your motives for dating other women:

Do any of the following, fit?

 

• To establish a long-lasting, happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone new;
  
• To simply spread your wings, have a few flings and have fun;
  
• To get over her, or compare others to her.
  

 

Because your motives for dating other women - WHILE you maintain this level of relationship with her - will also be revealing to you.....

 

Stand back.

Think this through.

 

It may not be so much a case of trying to analyse her actions here....

It may be far more pertinent to ask -

What are YOU really doing, here?

[DiasFlac]

Thank you for that response tara, And I guess I do owe an apology to others in this thread. I was indeed just feeling extremely anxious over the situation, Because I got my hopes up for something that wont happen.

 

I have taken the path suggested here, And decided to simply keep the relationship up with her, Yet not put a massive amount of effort into it.

 

It has been working, But I guess i cant say that, Until it has worked.

 

As an update, I have not cut off all ties with her, Though I have limited my contact. I now only contact her when she does first, and I dont invite her to everything. In fact this week I did not invite her to one of her favorite places, A small ice cream shop, And decided to go with just another girl. I posted a picture of us on my facebook, 3 days later the girl who is friendzoning me sends me a picture of a place me and her where supposed to go together with another guy ;p I kinda thought this was funny, Because in all honesty that has to at least be a small sign of jealousy, Which in this situation is good, correct?

 

I guess I worry about cutting ties, Because I am worried that if I stop inviting her to much, and sideline her too much, Then she will get pissed and bail. I dont want that either, As im still interested in friends, Which makes this complicated.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you for that response tara, And I guess I do owe an apology to others in this thread. I was indeed just feeling extremely anxious over the situation, Because I got my hopes up for something that wont happen.

 

I have taken the path suggested here, And decided to simply keep the relationship up with her, Yet not put a massive amount of effort into it.

 

It has been working, But I guess i cant say that, Until it has worked.

 

As an update, I have not cut off all ties with her, Though I have limited my contact. I now only contact her when she does first, and I dont invite her to everything. In fact this week I did not invite her to one of her favorite places, A small ice cream shop, And decided to go with just another girl. I posted a picture of us on my facebook, 3 days later the girl who is friendzoning me sends me a picture of a place me and her where supposed to go together with another guy ;p I kinda thought this was funny, Because in all honesty that has to at least be a small sign of jealousy, Which in this situation is good, correct?

 

I guess I worry about cutting ties, Because I am worried that if I stop inviting her to much, and sideline her too much, Then she will get pissed and bail. I dont want that either, As im still interested in friends, Which makes this complicated.

 

No worries on the apology -- it's easy to get defensive in these situations. A couple things.

 

a) the jealousy thing can blow up in your face, so be careful. You don't want to go down that road because if she thinks you are doing it just to spite her, you're toast. Either she'll get pissed off or she'll try to one-up you. And she'll be able to, because you are the one after her.

 

b) you really need to decide what you want. Do you want to be in a romantic relationship or do you want to be her friend? And you can't answer both, because that's going to put you in a weird limbo. Choose one and work toward that goal. Playing both angles is going to lead to confusion and frustration.

 

If the answer is "romantic relationship", then don't worry about her bailing. Because she already has. If you are Facebook friends, you are still in contact, because she can see what you are doing and you can see what she is. So do your thing and stop worrying about including her. Let her try to include herself. But you have to stop being afraid of stuff like that and you can't afford to seem clingy. Women pick up on that.

 

If you want to be friends, then include her and be friends. But don't be her friend to try to trick her into feeling something for you. That's a losing situation. Either way, you have to figure out exactly what you want and gameplan toward that.

[DiasFlac]

Thank you for understanding, Yea it really can be easy.

 

I agree entirely and have decided that I would like to be close friends with the girl, And hopefully get the sex back. But have no intention of having a long term romantic relationship with her. This be the angle I have been playing from.

 

I agree with the jealousy thing, I was worried that was a possibility. Though I got very clingy with her, And i figure she just told me nothing would ever happen again, So it would be natural for me to go find other girls. Though I dont want to let on that im doing anything with those other girls, Just make it known to her sneakily. And yea, She happens to be a psych major so she is like a super girl when it comes to picking up on things. But I happen to be a bit of a social engineer, So im trying to out-game her ;p It's really all in good fun, Im no longer attached to her, So that will play out in my body movements.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you for understanding, Yea it really can be easy.

 

I agree entirely and have decided that I would like to be close friends with the girl, And hopefully get the sex back. But have no intention of having a long term romantic relationship with her. This be the angle I have been playing from.

 

I agree with the jealousy thing, I was worried that was a possibility. Though I got very clingy with her, And i figure she just told me nothing would ever happen again, So it would be natural for me to go find other girls. Though I dont want to let on that im doing anything with those other girls, Just make it known to her sneakily. And yea, She happens to be a psych major so she is like a super girl when it comes to picking up on things. But I happen to be a bit of a social engineer, So im trying to out-game her ;p It's really all in good fun, Im no longer attached to her, So that will play out in my body movements.

 

Not sure about the "outgaming" thing -- just live your life how you would. Probably be more effective that way. As for the friends thing, be prepared to never sleep with her again and play like you have nothing to lose in that regard. But make sure you won't get attached, either in wanting to sleep with her or wanting to be with her more, before playing that game. Or you'll be right back here with another thread.