Advice on Breakup

[Two-Year Teddy]

I've been dating a woman for two years. We get along great. She's very good to me. And I am good to her. After the first three months of dating, I was unsure if it should go on. I wasn't all that passionate about the relationship. I decided not to break up because I thought I was being too hasty. Hasty because in previous relationships, for me, three months was the point to stop and evaluate: if it felt right, proceed; if it didn't feel right, break it off. Since I always followed this rule, I thought I should proceed anyway and see what happens. [Maybe my three month rule was flawed.]

 

Now it's been two years and I feel as though she is not the "one" for me. I want to be fair to her and me. I feel embarrassed because we've never talked about our future [which is unusual for me]. The time just flew by. As I told one of my friends when he asked "how's it goin' with your girlfriend," I hesitated and said, "it doesn't suck." And it doesn't suck, but it's not a deep love. Ya know? Breakups are always a drag, but I'm not even sure how to begin a dialog and explain my feelings. Any thoughts?

[Paulie]

Sooooooo, Teddy...have you actually made the decision to break-up? To me, you seem pretty wishy-washy about the whole idea.

 

If you decide to break up, do it in person, don't prolong it, and then cease all contact for at least a couple of months. Be nice, but don't lead her on.

 

But it seems to me that you haven't yet mad the definite decision to break up. That's the first step you must take.

 

Paulie

[Tony T]

Your feelings in this relationship are certainly not consistent with those of a guy who feels he's got a keeper. However, as we get older, comfort and stability become a bit more important than mad passion.

 

The fact that you are questioning the relationship now says it's in trouble. If you don't feel she is the one for you, let her down easy and lovingly but do it now. She has devoted two years to this and doesn't need to proceed further.

 

Don't feel bad at all. Much better to have realized this now...that to have figured it out a few more years down the road.

[Deejette]

Yes, let her down easy. This relationship sounds too lukewarm. While I agree with Tony that relationships settle into more comfortable phases, it just doesn't sound like you have enough love for her to make a happy future together.

 

You can let her know that you are not leaving her for someone else and that she deserves to be loved in a more intense way than you can offer.

Your feelings in this relationship are certainly not consistent with those of a guy who feels he's got a keeper. However, as we get older, comfort and stability become a bit more important than mad passion. The fact that you are questioning the relationship now says it's in trouble. If you don't feel she is the one for you, let her down easy and lovingly but do it now. She has devoted two years to this and doesn't need to proceed further. Don't feel bad at all. Much better to have realized this now...that to have figured it out a few more years down the road.