needing help with feelings

[Haytz]

hi this is my first post here. I am not sure if I am in the right place but I am looking for a message board where I can talk about jealousy and insecurity issues. Lately over the past couple of years I am getting worse and I hate it. I have the most wonderful husband who couldnt hurt a fly. He doesnt have a bad bone in his body he woiuldnt even think of hurting me, cheating or flirting on me.I KNOW that yet I am so insecure in myself thinking why is he with me he could get anyone type of stuff everytime a good looking woman goes by talks to him etc.I worry is he thinking if only I had waited for something like that. I trust him I guess its just either men in general I dont trust or the women... I need to give him more faith and credit I just wonder what ppl are really thinking and what alterior intentions are in ppl. I am very leary, on guard, dont want to be made a fool off etc... My father cheated on my mother a few times but once was when I was 13 he was with my best friends mom. We were both so hurt when we found out and I think that it has hurt me deeper than I think, I know my mom was made a fool of she trusted him and thought nothing of him talking to other women etc.. didnt cross her mind cuz she was nice and trustworthy. I guess I am afraid to trust 100% because I think if i let me guard down I will get hurt. I dont want to draw my husband away he is the best. But as they say we cant go on together with suspicious minds. I would love to get some help on how I can learn to trust and know that not EVERYONE had alteriour motives and some ppl can just be nice and not be out for something. I hate having these thoughts that what are they really wanting I just want to be able to trust but not be naive. Can anyone give advice or know of where I could talk to someone. I feel so bad and guilty when I hurt my husband and ruin his day or whatever with my insecure feelings. I really am an upbeat happy person who is just uneasy and worried maybe too loose the one thing I have always wanted and now that I have it am so afraid of loosing it. Thanks so much.

[Papillon]

I just dunno... some sense of possession and propriety towards your SO is natural and healthy, but it's ugly when your self-esteem issues turn to paranoia.

 

I believe it's totally self-esteem related. You have to start finding ways of, not liking who you are, but LOVING who you are.

 

 

OMG I sound like a Pantene advert.

[Moose]

My gosh!!! Reading your post was like re living my life!!!! I was the same way about my wife. I mean, what in the world was she thinking marrying someone like little ole me when she could literally walk up to Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt and they would just love to be with her!!! Over the years, I've asked her why she was with me, why she chose to be with me, I kept on her and kept on her to help me to understand. That's when I started to realize that if I kept up with that, I would smother her and push her away.

 

I mean, I was bad!!! I was too afraid to let her go anywhere for fear that a great looking guy would coherse her into leaving me and go off with him. I was always on edge thinking that if I messed up she could walk out on me and be so set up with someone else more successful or better looking. I was losing sleep over all of this!! I still from time to time worry about it.

 

Finally, I decided that we are married, we are together, we chose to be with eachother. She didn't choose to be with me, and I didn't choose to be with her, we both chose to be with eachother. I needed to wake up and realize that I need to enjoy the fact that she's mine. I needed to relax and cherish the time we have together. I needed to show her how much I love her and stop worrying about if she's ever going to leave me.

 

I need to take her out and show her off, make the other guys jealous that they can't have her. Yep, that's OUR wedding ring on her finger guys, so back off!! That's our children in the back of the family van, that's our house in the country, these are all OUR things.

 

Start to cherish what you have. Relax, your husband isn't going anywhere! You two chose to be with each other for the rest of your lives. So live it! Whenever you get those jealous thoughts, think about where he will lay his head down and sleep tonight. Think about the day he said. "I do". Sure, my parents showed me that even married people split up, sometime several times in a lifetime. BUT, I know that my marriage is going to last till death do we part. I've been married longer than my own mother ever has. So don't use their example. People really do stay faithful to each other. It's no fairy tale.

 

Let go of your fears and enjoy your husband. The happier you are, the happier he will be and he will show it too. Then you'll have peace of mind that he ain't goin' nowheres!!!!

[Tracy]

Let go of your fears and enjoy your husband

 

This is the key for you, considering what you went through with your dad. Try to convince yourself to let go of the fears your mom and dad's experience instilled in you. Embrace your husband. Until he does something to actually make you suspicious......take each day and be grateful for him.

 

Put your heart on the line. What could be the worse that could happen....your fears could come true. But, why live in fear and make a good relationship go bad, when you can just enjoy the moment

[Haytz]

Thank you so much to all who replied to my post. I will re read them everytime I feel that knot in my stomach that wants to push me into saying or asking something I will regret. I found a site that seems excellent for helping in this area and lots more. Found it today so I have been reading. Thanks so much and anytime you'se need to vent feel free to post me I will be here to listen and help if I can.