Djz05 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 So there's this really great girl I know that I talk to on occasion. When I first met her months ago, she was definitely a looker but I never did consider dating her. I've always been the kind of guy who gets attracted to a girl AFTER I get to know her personally. Anyway we got along fine in our social circle then the usual FB request, but otherwise no contact. She was extremely shy and kept to her self, only joining in when her close friend is nearby. Fast forward months later. Over this time I've tried to establish rapport with her and get her situated. We had a pretty cordial friendship. So one day I catch her by herself reading a book. (Game of thrones) Which at that time I was just finishing up myself. I ended up chatting her up about the whole series (books and tv show) and it was fun. Over the course of the next couple of weeks when I'd see her we talked about it, branching out to other hobbies (painting -which I showed her some of my works). Now at this point I've found myself paying more attention to her and her mannerisms. Finally realized I was hooked, line and sinker. Now I know she was still single from the last time I checked with some of her friends(happy surprise) so I decided on asking her out. I figured she knows me enough that she wouldnt mind if I asked her out in a roundabout way. I wrote her a poem and slid it in her locker, texting her to check it before she left work. Later on she tells me how sweet it was, and so I asked her if she wanted to go out for lunch or dinner the next few days (she works odd hours so I wasnt sure when she was free). Her answer was "that sounds fun but I just actually started seeing someone. We should definitely get some people together to go hang out soon though". (Here I am thinking I blew it). I attempt to save face and say "well that was awkward, sorry for putting you on the spot". "Not awkward, Its ok" was her answer. Did I just miss my window, or have i just been friendzoned? P.s. I tell myself I've been FZd but you know sometimes you need to hear other people tell you before you realize it yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Frankly, "seeing someone" means you can see other people. No exclusivity. I've gotten the "I just started seeing someone" excuse. It's just like the ones who say they just got out of a bad RL and aren't ready to date yet (then next week she's out with some guy). It's all passive rejections. She just isn't into you, and I don't think she ever was I to you other than "just friends". You can friendzone her and move on, or cut ties and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
AMusing Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Grkboy, I disagree. I can't speak to the motivation for OP's girl, but I do think "I just started seeing someone" and "I just ended a bad relationship" are valid reasons not to accept a date. In the first case, sure, exclusivity isn't required of her, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to date one person at a time. Just read all the "multidater" threads to see why it might be a good idea. In the second case, it very easily means a woman has enough self-awareness to recognize that she's still laden with baggage from the past and needs time to herself to recover. Wouldn't there be fewer relationship issues if we all avoided new relationships until we were over our past ones? So yeah, some women use it as a passive rejection, but sometimes it's an honest, mature reaction. OP, surely if she's actually starting to see someone he'll be introduced to your group sooner or later. I think that'll tell you for sure whether she was nicely turning you down or being honest with you. Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Apologies if I came off the wrong way. I think it's perfectly fine for a woman to reject a guy for any reason. It's perfectly fine for a man to reject a woman for any reason as well. I just am making the point that often times these "excuses" are mainly passive rejections and not really the truth. IN ANY CASE...the man or woman receiving these rejections should simply move on. Too many still think "there's a shot" or some means to nudge things into "more" from the friendzone. I just think people should learn to cut things off and move on when they see things won't instantly be the direction they desire. If a woman I'm asking out is handing me answers that do not equate to "yes, I'll go out with you", then I move on in terms of pursuing her. Some have told me I give up too easily, but I don't play games and I don't chase. I stand firm and value my own dignity over "having a girl". Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Frankly, "seeing someone" means you can see other people. No exclusivity. I've gotten the "I just started seeing someone" excuse. It's just like the ones who say they just got out of a bad RL and aren't ready to date yet (then next week she's out with some guy). It's all passive rejections. She just isn't into you, and I don't think she ever was I to you other than "just friends". You can friendzone her and move on, or cut ties and move on. Totally disagree. When I meet someone I'm really into, even if it's not exclusive yet, I'm just not interested in dating others. I prefer to focus on that one guy I'm vibing with. The new guy could be Gerard Butler and it wouldn't matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 OP, you can 'ask someone out' at any time. You can also accept their answer as valid. Each is a choice. That said, I would advise caution with the married ones. They can be trouble. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I think then people should stop saying "seeing" and just say "dating". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Djz05 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 Thanks for the insights. I dont condone cheating, and if a girl I was interested in already has an exclusive relationship with someone, I'm the first to back off. Also I've always come to think as "seeing" is casual while "dating" is exclusive. But her answer just threw me off, its the first time someone said it to me while also saying it would be fun. I've been used to getting straight yes/no or dating someone answers. The rest gets me confused hah. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Djz05 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Just an update. Its been two weeks, and we ended up working together tonight. It seems like she wants to pretend that I never did say anything to her so I'll just let it go and not bring it up again. Thanks a lot for everyone's advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 I think she likes you as a friend Link to post Share on other sites
Author Djz05 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Yeah... I think I'm too friendly for my own good hah. Link to post Share on other sites
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