Boyfriend is going to Cancun.

[Drseussgrrl]

Ehhh, I still think it depends on what kind of guys they are. Having been around them for some time now, you hopefully have a good idea of how they act when they go out, get their drink on, etc. You should have at least some idea of their individual characters and how they act as a group.

 

I just think it's presumptuous of some of the folks on here to just assume that these guys are going down there with the intent to look for strange pussy. I think it's also presumptuous to say that if some of the group makes the choice to mess around, then ALL of the group will mess around.

 

Then again, if I were in your shoes, I would be concerned too. I think that's natural in the beginning stages of a relationship, especially if you care about the person. As I said before, ignoring gut feelings is a bad idea. I think your feelings of uneasiness regarding this should not go unchecked, but there's two things I know:

 

1) there's no way you can control him or what he does down there. Any attempts to keep tabs on him from afar will only get his and his friends' guard up. You would risk being viewed as the controlling, overbearing, jealous girlfriend, which only stacks the odds against you.

 

2) if I was serious about a girl I was in a relationship with, I would do everything in my power (short of cancelling the trip) to make sure she was well convinced that I wasn't down there ****ing around on her. I think his efforts to show you his sincerity so far are a good start, but I think you two should talk openly about how you're feeling about it, how he's feeling about it, and form an "action plan" together on how to reassure each other through this formative time in your relationship.

 

I think looking at his group of friends is a must. Your bf hangs out with them for a reason.

 

What you're not comprehending, though, is that a Cancun spring-break by its very NATURE is nothing but drunken sex in your face non-stop. What these girls do when liquored up on stage in a bikini is way worse than anything I've seen in a strip club.

 

I'm sorry but if I was her, I'd be incredibly worried also. It's just not cool, and leaving your grandma's necklace as consolation? Trust that will be the last thing on his mind down there LOL.

[tman666]

What you're not comprehending, though, is that a Cancun spring-break by its very NATURE is nothing but drunken sex in your face non-stop. What these girls do when liquored up on stage in a bikini is way worse than anything I've seen in a strip club.

 

I'm sorry but if I was her, I'd be incredibly worried also. It's just not cool, and leaving your grandma's necklace as consolation? Trust that will be the last thing on his mind down there LOL.

 

Hey, I understand and respect that you have both have first-hand experience on both sides of the equation here, but I just think she needs to dig a little deeper into this before driving the final nails into the coffin.

 

As I've tried to convey a couple of times, I AGREE that she should be worried. I would be worried too. My opinion is that a lot of people erroneously want to have their cake and eat it too, in that they want to have the freedom to go do the "single guy/gal" things, yet have the security of a committed relationship at the same time. Obviously, this rarely works out.

 

Still, I urge caution against applying generalizations (even if they are likely correct) to individual cases without concrete indicators that she should take action.

[camillalev]

What drsuessgirl said. It's true we shouldn't generalize but let's get real and do the math. He's not going to the south of france. he's not hiking in the forests of brazil. He's not going to the black beaches of Iceland. He's SPRING BREAKING in CANCUN on a boys-only trip. What do you think 20 year old boys are doing there?

 

I'm sorry OP, I'm not saying this to be mean, but a stick of deodorant and a necklace isn't going to keep him from doing his thing, thousands of miles away from you.

 

And he's going to contact you IF possible? If he cares, you can expect a phone call every day. I dated someone who traveled a lot for work, no matter where he was we'd talk every night and occasionally mornings, plus he'd send me photos throughout the day of what he was seeing at any given moment. I didn't ask him to do half of these things, he wanted to. True a cheater can cheat anytime, but your guy is being pretty vague and non-committal about communicating with you while he's partying in cancun.

 

Do you know anyone older than you by at least 7 years? Tell them the situation and ask them what they think your 20 old boy is going to be doing in cancun on spring break. Tell them you can handle their true opinion and ask them to be honest.

Edited March 21, 2013 by camillalev

[annaliese7193]

Thanks guys.

 

I've just come to the conclusion he cheats he cheats, he isn't worth it. He went Magaluf in which it is similar circumstances (Girls walking round half naked, orgies and provocative dancing) and didn't do anything so I've just got to suck it up and trust! I'm just gonna go out with my girls and see people I normally don't. As I said if he does do anything it will just prove he isn't the one.

 

There is no point in me sitting here feeling like this, I wont find out either way till he is back and then I can deal with it from there.

[Darren Steez]

Thanks guys.

 

I've just come to the conclusion he cheats he cheats, he isn't worth it. He went Magaluf in which it is similar circumstances (Girls walking round half naked, orgies and provocative dancing) and didn't do anything so I've just got to suck it up and trust! I'm just gonna go out with my girls and see people I normally don't. As I said if he does do anything it will just prove he isn't the one.

 

There is no point in me sitting here feeling like this, I wont find out either way till he is back and then I can deal with it from there.

 

How do you know that?

 

My ex went back home for a couple of days, came home everything was normal, little did I know she cheated.

 

Like I said before he seems to like these destinations, magaluf, napa are the british/european spots...now they seem to be trying the american spots with the same MO, lots of young people drinking and doing what not.

 

They had so much fun the first time they planned another one. But like you said there is nothing you can do.

[annaliese7193]

I am not being blind. I do see, I've stated that. I'm just saying there is nothing I can do till his back and if he cheats he is not worth it.

[Treasa]

I am not being blind. I do see, I've stated that. I'm just saying there is nothing I can do till his back and if he cheats he is not worth it.

 

I think this is a very healthy attitude.

[annaliese7193]

Thankyou! x

[Babolat]

Just because there is alcohol and temptation does not mean he will treat. I firmly belive if you are going to cheat, you will cheat, the environment and circumstances (alcohol, drugs, etc) may make it easier, but if it's in you it's in you. Even if you blackout you still know what you are doing.

 

I have had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life; I just don't do it, it's not me. I could, then blame it on alcohol, environment, circumstances...that's a cop out. You did it because you wanted to.

[Keenly]

You guys are literally claiming there is no such thing as a loyal man by saying any man who goes out to spring will cheat. Well I am not one of them, and my girlfriend would have broken up with me because you guys gave advice based on superlatives. Awesome.

[annaliese7193]

Hi thank you for replying. Yes this has left me a little disheartened at how negative the replies were, but I asked for honesty I suppose! My gut tells me my partner is like yourself.. But hearing these things?!

[Drseussgrrl]

I'm not saying that he will definitely cheat.

 

I'm just saying he's young and wants to sow his wild oats - understandably.

 

A man older than this in a committed relationship would understand that putting yourself in such an environment is just stupid and disrespectful. Why tempt yourself like that?

 

Then again I've been to Cancun on Spring Break and I've seen the debauchery first-hand. The OP isn't the first girlfriend to worry about an all-boys trip to Cancun and she won't be the last.

[nofool4u]

You guys are literally claiming there is no such thing as a loyal man by saying any man who goes out to spring will cheat.

 

No, not any man. There are those that wouldn't go to spring break without their girlfriends.

[Darren Steez]

It's negative because it's life Probably reality. The fact is no one knows if he'll cheat or not but fact is for two vacations running him and his mates have gone to the same type of places, WITHOUT their girlfriends. It's a lads holiday and it's a bit naive to think out of X (don't know how many are going) that they are all going to sing songs and not hit or by hit on by girls.

 

In fact it's really an argument over nothing, if the boys observe the code and no one snitches then she'll never know. So I guess she's got to suck it up...

 

if she wasn't worried she wouldn't have posted in the first place would she?

[annaliese7193]

I am worried. But like you said I wont find out till he's back/will never find out. If he does he loses me and i deal with the heartache then. Im not feeling this for 2 weeks if im gonna have to feel it when hes back too.

[KatZee]

Being a product of a relationship which ended because of infidelity (like yourself) I can understand your lack of trust. I'm slightly fearful of a new relationship because I feel like I'll always have cheating in the back of my mind.

 

That being said, I was also heavily involved and around my exes friends. They were all in relationships, some engaged, some MARRIED.

 

Guys going away all together is BAD NEWS from what I've seen. Even if your boyfriend is not a cheater, I guarantee one or a couple of the guys that are going ARE cheaters and WILL pull the whole "what happens in Cancun stays in Cancun."

 

I watched my exes friends as they all planned a trip to New Orleans. What happened down there? One of the engaged guys was hooking up with random women and handing out his number.

 

I watched as my exes friends planned a trip to Atlantic City. What happened down there? All they all did was sit in strip clubs, buying each other lap dances. Married guys, engaged guys, and taken guys.

 

My ex would come home and tell me all these things and say, "Don't tell any of the girls." And then I'd have conversations with the girls and the stories their spouses told them were SO ridiculous. "All we did was gamble. It was so boring." "We didn't go to any strip clubs, they're disgusting."

 

The lies people tell. It's amazing. I will never see a group of guys in any sort of destination trip as being a group of innocents. Never. They all just get together, get drunk and then their male ego comes out, they start taunting each other, poking fun, and then usually something will happen.

[camillalev]

Thanks guys.

 

I've just come to the conclusion he cheats he cheats, he isn't worth it. He went Magaluf in which it is similar circumstances (Girls walking round half naked, orgies and provocative dancing) and didn't do anything so I've just got to suck it up and trust! I'm just gonna go out with my girls and see people I normally don't. As I said if he does do anything it will just prove he isn't the one.

 

There is no point in me sitting here feeling like this, I wont find out either way till he is back and then I can deal with it from there.

 

Youre absolutely right, if he cheats hes not worth it. Unfortunately annaliese, if he doesn't want you to know you won't find out. He wont tell you If he's going to these places with hooking up in mind while wanting to keep you as his gf, it will be his mission to have his cake and eat it too.

 

I mean he's going to cancun to spring break with his buddies, where they will be surrounded by alcohol and young, willing, scantily clad women who are far form their homes. Have you been to places like this annaliese? I dont know if you understand how people act when they're far from home and in places like this.

You clearly are worried and you were listening to some sort of gut instinct when you posted here originally.

 

Whatever you do, please do not ignore the very, very blatant reality of these places. Don't take the honestly opinions of some of these people as being mean. I feel for you, it's a sucky situation to be put in.

Edited March 21, 2013 by camillalev

[camillalev]

Like darren steez said, if the boys follow the code, the girlfriends will never find out. And yeah, my group of friends is equally men and women(who aren't involved with each other romantically) and like KatZee said boys-only trips can and usually are ridiculous and the lies they tell to their gfs afterwards equally as ridiculous. Honestly it's so f/ing disrespectful. But that's what can happen :/

 

If anything, just be smart and safe. Testing is a good idea anyway but do so after he gets back.

[JackD4niels]

I think a lot of people here are paranoid in a rather unhealthy way. Most of you already assumed he's cheating on her and just base their opinions on generalisations or previous bad experiences in their own past - hence they're posting here.

 

My girlfriend just came back from springbreak and I don't have the slightest form of suspicion she cheated on me. It's a form of trust you have with your partner. If you can't even trust him/her 1 week, how are you going to do this in the future? To be honest I had the mindset of 'I really want her to have an amazing time and want her to be happy'. It makes things so much easier, trust me.

 

Another thing - I went on springbreak to Cancun last year as well. 6 guys, 3 of them had relationships (me not being one of them). None of them cheated on their girlfriend. You only hear the stores where things go wrong. Not every guy is like this.

 

Judging from your first post - your boyfriend writing you a love letter, wanting you to pick him up, calling you princess - I recognize a lot here and all of this seems like he is an amazing guy who loves you a lot. I understand you're worried, but I don't think it's necessary at all. Don't stalk him, but you have every right to call him when you feel lonely/scared.

 

Sorry if any of things sounds like a personal attack on any of the respondents here. It's not meant as one. I just think it's ridiculous people are basically stigmatizing the guy before he did anything wrong. You are really not helping the OP by projecting your own unhealthy paranoia towards men / people in general.

Edited March 22, 2013 by JackD4niels

[camillalev]

I think a lot of people here are paranoid in a rather unhealthy way. Most of you already assumed he's cheating on her and just base their opinions on generalisations or previous bad experiences in their own past - hence they're posting here.

 

My girlfriend just came back from springbreak and I don't have the slightest form of suspicion she cheated on me. It's a form of trust you have with your partner. If you can't even trust him/her 1 week, how are you going to do this in the future? To be honest I had the mindset of 'I really want her to have an amazing time and want her to be happy'. It makes things so much easier, trust me.

 

Another thing - I went on springbreak to Cancun last year as well. 6 guys, 3 of them had relationships (me not being one of them). None of them cheated on their girlfriend. You only hear the stores where things go wrong. Not every guy is like this.

 

Judging from your first post - your boyfriend writing you a love letter, wanting you to pick him up, calling you princess - I recognize a lot here and all of this seems like he is an amazing guy who loves you a lot. I understand you're worried, but I don't think it's necessary at all. Don't stalk him, but you have every right to call him when you feel lonely/scared.

 

Sorry if any of things sounds like a personal attack on any of the respondents here. It's not meant as one. I just think it's ridiculous people are basically stigmatizing the guy before he did anything wrong. You are really not helping the OP by projecting your own unhealthy paranoia towards men / people in general.

 

it's great that you and your friends are such great guys Honestly, I don't think people are being paranoid here as much as they are looking at the facts. Paranoid would be, 'your boyfriend went to the bar and there were females there? you should be worried,' or 'My boyfriend got a text from a female friend thanking him for his help, I'm suspicious.' THAT would be ridiculous. There's a difference between paranoia and legitimate worry. Having concerns because your boyfriend going on a boys-only trip to a place where people notoriously hook up and get into trouble isn't paranoid, it's being aware.

 

What's also concerning that he's being non-committal about communicating with the OP during his trip. It's 2013, it's exceedingly easy to communicate with someone who is on the other side of the globe.

[annaliese7193]

To top this all off, one of the guys rang their girlfriends last night and said that my partner had rang me ten minutes previous and i was moaning about the other particular girlfriend going on about how her partner hasnt rang.. And ive never even spoken to him?!?!? What should i do.

[Drseussgrrl]

To top this all off, one of the guys rang their girlfriends last night and said that my partner had rang me ten minutes previous and i was moaning about the other particular girlfriend going on about how her partner hasnt rang.. And ive never even spoken to him?!?!? What should i do.

 

Uh what?

[annaliese7193]

One of the guys who are out there with him, Rang his girlfriend last night saying that my boyfriend had called me 10 minutes ago and I had told him that his girlfriend was moaning at me that he hadn't rang. I haven't even spoke to josh, let alone told him that. So he's In effect lied twice. What do I do?

[camillalev]

Hm. So, he's lying to make it seem like speaking with a SO is a huge bother? If i understand correctly. Are you friends with his gf? Strange.

[Keenly]

No, not any man. There are those that wouldn't go to spring break without their girlfriends.

 

 

and there are those that would go to spring break with my guy friends without the girlfriend and never ever give in to the temptation, drunk or sober. I have self discipline, no that does not make me a better person (tbh ill miss out on a lot of fun that way) but Its how I am. I am loyal.

 

I'd still go without her though, if she existed.

 

 

the huuuge generalizations are getting really old people.

 

Everyone is different and men DO exist who will be loyal under ANY circumstance, alcohol induced or not. You are telling the world men like me don't exist when I'm standing right in front of you.

Edited March 22, 2013 by Keenly