shorty Posted November 30, 2000 Share Posted November 30, 2000 I have a question for all of the people that come to this site I have a boyfriend who I suspect is cheating on me and I was wondering how can I tell if he is but I don't want him to know. Plesae respond i need someone's help. Thanx! Link to post Share on other sites
Queenie Posted November 30, 2000 Share Posted November 30, 2000 Have a house party and invite all kinds of friends, watch his guest list carefully. I have a question for all of the people that come to this site I have a boyfriend who I suspect is cheating on me and I was wondering how can I tell if he is but I don't want him to know. Plesae respond i need someone's help. Thanx! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 30, 2000 Share Posted November 30, 2000 There is no substitute for your gut feeling and your intuition. If you feel he's cheating, he probably is. Pay a lot of attention and sooner or later hard evidence will turn up. You can get on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 30, 2000 Share Posted November 30, 2000 In the last line of my post above, what I meant to type was: you can BET on it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted November 30, 2000 Share Posted November 30, 2000 The only way you'll know for sure if he is cheating is to spy on him or have someone spy on him for you (if you can trust them to tell you the truth). But what good is it going to do you to find out this information? What if you don't catch him cheating? How long are you willing to spy on him to find out if he is cheating? A week, month, year...forever? I think it would be more appropriate for you to take a real close look at this relationship. Just the suspicion of cheating indicates that there are some real problems (only one of which is his possible cheating). There are several other things coming into play, like trust and security. Whether he's cheating or not, you don't trust him and you are insecure with this relationship. Trust and security are the two things you need to look at and work on. If you discover that he is cheating (I assume you will then dump him!) then these two things may be a problem for you with your next boyfriend. If he is not cheating on you, then the relationship may be doomed anyway, unless you work on the trust and security, or in this case, the lack of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nicky Posted November 30, 2000 Share Posted November 30, 2000 I have a question for all of the people that come to this site I have a boyfriend who I suspect is cheating on me and I was wondering how can I tell if he is but I don't want him to know. Plesae respond i need someone's help. Thanx! You won't know, until you kNOW. Some will assume that becuase he wears more aftershave than usual, that that is a sign. But to be honest you could end up getting paranoid,about things which might be meaningless. Why do you suspect him? Do you have a problem in trusting people? Or do you have evidence? I know what you're feling, and it's not nice. Nor is "searching for evidence", which I advise against. One day the truth will out. If he is that special, then you should be able to dicuss any reasonable suspicions you may have about infidelities. But just remember, that showing somebody you don't trust them, can result in what you most feared. all the best Link to post Share on other sites
Sue Posted December 1, 2000 Share Posted December 1, 2000 Hi Tony, I also have the same feeling with a guy I have been seeing for 2 years now. I sometimes get the feeling that he maybe seeing someone else behind my back. I do trust him, but his insensitive behaviour towards me makes me suspect that he is cheating or just bored out of the relationship. Should I beware of him if he keeps telling me that he is very very faithful and would never cheat on his girlfriend. RIght from the beginning he made it very clear to me that he would never cheat and never will. Is he putting on a front right now? So this way I would never even think of him as being unfaithful? I know I may not be making any sense but I hope I do Tony. Our relationships have been up and down and we have, I admit,serious communication problems.I read an earlier email that was posted on this site regarding phone calls and how this girl's boyfriend never calls her anymore. Well I have the same problem although I know in my situation that my boyfriend keeps count of who calls who. And if he was the last to call then I should be the one to call him the next time around! I don't understand!! I try to make sense of this but I can't. Is he cheating or is he just giving me the run around. Please give me some honest advice here. In my heart I know that he cares for me but sometimes I feel the two of us are from different worlds. He is used to being around girls who have bad attitudes and who are "butch like" dominating types. However I am quite the opposite. I am not rough, mean or rude. I am so gentle,caring and as I have been told naive. Tony if you could please respond I would greatly appreciate it. I don't want to confront my boyfriend anymore about his "lack of communication" because if I do he feels that I nag too much! It's been 2 years and I really don't want to go on feeling like I do anymore. Thank you. Sue There is no substitute for your gut feeling and your intuition. If you feel he's cheating, he probably is. Pay a lot of attention and sooner or later hard evidence will turn up. You can get on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 1, 2000 Share Posted December 1, 2000 His insensitive behavior towards you sounds more like rudeness than anything else. But if he were cheating, he would not want to send you clues. His inappropriate behavior is probably due to childhood influences...and, yes, possibly boredom. Whatever the root cause, you should not tolerate insensitive behavior in any man with whom you are having a relationship. If you have been kind and have done nothing wrong and this sort of conduct continues, then it is your fault for remaining. The fact that your boyfriend keeps track of who calls who is another very sick symptom of a highly dysfunctional relationship...and one that is seriously flawed. Don't you think you deserve better? Is this the kind of man you want to spend all your years with? Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted December 1, 2000 Share Posted December 1, 2000 Some signs of cheating: (1) He stays out late or overnight much more than he used to; (2) He wears a new style of underwear (like some guys feel comfortable wearing boxer shorts around their steady or wife but will buy bikini briefs for their new fling), (3) He is taking more care of his appearance in general, including wearing more cologne or aftershave; (4) He has long, involved stories about spending time with a bunch of friends that he sees often but you have never met. But it is best to come out and say, "I am not accusing you, but some of the things you've been doing lately make me feel insecure, almost like you are cheating on me. Please let me know what is going on so I won't feel this way." Then listen carefully. If he gets too angry, that may be a cover. He doesn't want you to go there and so he will be aggressive about it. If he takes you in his arms and says, "Of course not, I only love you and I swear I am loyal ato you," then you can apologize to him for thinking this of him and you will be reassured. You won't know, until you kNOW. Some will assume that becuase he wears more aftershave than usual, that that is a sign. But to be honest you could end up getting paranoid,about things which might be meaningless. Why do you suspect him? Do you have a problem in trusting people? Or do you have evidence? I know what you're feling, and it's not nice. Nor is "searching for evidence", which I advise against. One day the truth will out. If he is that special, then you should be able to dicuss any reasonable suspicions you may have about infidelities. But just remember, that showing somebody you don't trust them, can result in what you most feared. all the best Link to post Share on other sites
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