I stumbled upon My Fiance's Email password and found this.....

[prettybutrfly126]

Hi guys,

 

Oh man, where do i begin. I guess I just need to know if im jumping to conclusions, or is this normal for a man to act this way. Let me just say, I stumbled upon my fiances email password. He works nights so must have been really tired one night when he tried to check his email but actually typed in his email address and password as a website. So he put http://www. (username and password).com. And it saved in the address bar like any other website would when you type it out whole. So I initially thought...and thought...then my curiosity got the best of me and I checked it today. Before I let you guys read it, i want to give you a quick breakdown of me and him.

 

Okay, we've been together for going on 3 years. I have 2 children that are not his. And we have a 4 1/2 month old. He proposed only 1 month before we found out we were pregnant.

 

Our issues related to the letter I found are this....

I am a big flirt. I always have been. I guess I got spoiled with my previous boyfriend because he never minded it. He knew his place in the relationship and was secure with that. But this relationship is different. Im trying my hardest to drop all of my over friendliness when it comes to men. My fiance doesn't like it and has told me so. He even told me that he didn't want to go out with me anymore. When i say out...i just mean to parties or clubs. And so even though I promised I would make a conscious effort not to flirt he says he thinks its better we don't for a while. We do everything else together except clubs and parties. I now go with my friends out and he goes with his friends.

 

Next thing is that...when he goes out he drinks and so he stays out all night with his friends so he doesn't have to drive. I tell him to have his friends pick him up or to just stop drinking after only a few drinks so he has plenty of time to sober up before the drive home. When he doesn't come home it bothers me because then i start to wonder what the hell he's doing. I cant say that I don't trust him because he's never gave me a reason not to. But I've always had this little thought in my head. Its hard to explain. (call it womens intuition) So I told him I don't like it when he stays out all night, especially because when he drinks, he gets uhhh well horny. It never fails. There have been times when he would get home the next day and not even drunk anymore and still horny. I guess for that one reason, it worries me that he stays out all night. Would you guys say that i don't trust him based on this???

 

Ok now to the letter. I'm wondering if this letter tells you what it tells me. First of all. It tells me that he put a move on his friend. (by the way, I'm surprised as hell because she's nothing compared to me when it comes to looks, sorry to sound conceited but its true. I cant judge anything else because I don't know her that well). How should I handle this. Should I just wait for him to reply to her email. Oh my god...I cant believe I've stooped to this level. Or should I tell him I accidentally stumbled upon his password and stupidly found this letter and for him to explain it. Im so confused, anxious, angry, disappointed, heart-broken and so many other feelings right now. OH god, now I believe that old saying "What you don't know wont hurt you" But i just cant ignore that I found this letter now. And im embarrassed to talk to me friends about this. Actually, I've learned my lesson when it comes to issues with my man and talking to friends. Besides, they are supposed to agree with me. I changed the names in the letter but here it is.

[color=red]

Hey You,

 

How are you doing? How's the baby? How was Cynthia's b-day party? It was a surprise party right?

 

As for me, I'm doing fine. I know I haven't spoken with you since my b-day. Thank you so much for the CD. It's in heavy rotation in my car. That was really sweet of you since the only thing I wanted from you was for you to be there. You were right about Michelle leaving the message on my phone that night. I don't know why I thought it was Kelly. Did you have any drama when you got home? Have you "made it up to her" for not taking her out that night like you were originally supposed to?

 

Babe, to be honest with you, I was really hurt with how you were that night. I know we were all drinking and stuff...but the way you got before you left really hurt. I don't deny this chemistry/bond between us but I thought we were both on the same page with not sleeping together. I know you feel entitled since you don't know what the hell Kelly's out doing. I just feel that it would put our relationship on a "cheaper" level and I don't want that. Call me conceited, but I thought that you held me in a higher regard than something to ****. It makes me wonder if the things you've said to me like thinking of us together kissing or sleeping together since we lived together is all you running game to get yourself a piece of ass. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to accuse you here so please don't take this the wrong way. I'm just letting you know my thoughts and feelings. I know you love me and we're like family, maybe that's why it stings. Of course, if you want to sleep around on Kelly, that's totally your choice. But babe, if or when you do, please be smart and use protection. I know you don't like to but please protect yourself. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you K?

 

Please think about what I've said. If you have anything to say or you want to yell at me, let me know.

 

I luv you my care bear,

me [/color][/b]

[tiki]

It sounds like it's to another man, is he gay or bi? That's WHACK and you soooo deserve an explanation!

[DerangedAngel]

Uh, tiki. It was sent to him by another girl. He didn't write it.

 

Checking his email was wrong, wrong, wrong. But now that you've done it, I say confront him.

 

Good luck.

 

-DA

[Tracy]

Oh, yeah. He put the move her alright. Checking his email was wrong, but can't really go back now can ya?

 

If it were me, I'd start taking it out on him if I didn't get it out in the open. I'd become really suspicious and bitchy, wondering what's going on. I'd be better off telling him the truth about the email, and get an answer.

[Tracy]

It sounds like it's to another man, is he gay or bi?

 

LMAO!

[tiki]

Originally posted by DerangedAngel

Uh, tiki. It was sent to him by another girl. He didn't write it.

 

Checking his email was wrong, wrong, wrong. But now that you've done it, I say confront him.

 

Good luck.

 

-DA

 

LMAO. Ok I get it now. I thought " "...interesting spin on things.

 

To the original poster...sorry, I'm sure your man is NOT gay. I must have A.D.D. BUT, he's up to something. Demand an explanation.

[honey2005]

OMG I say you need to confront him about this as soon as possible. Finding a letter like that in my bf's email would kill me.

[YellowLioness]

It makes me wonder if the things you've said to me like thinking of us together kissing or sleeping together since we lived together is all you running game to get yourself a piece of ass

 

Alright, so he's already thinking about cheating. He's hit on this girl, and you don't know if he's hit on others. This girl sounds nice, because she turned him down.

 

How many others haven't turned him down?

 

AIDS sucks. Dump him.

 

 

 

I don't deny this chemistry/bond between us but I thought we were both on the same page with not sleeping together. I know you feel entitled since you don't know what the hell Kelly's out doing.

 

This has to hurt your feelings. He doesn't trust you, so he's playing the "I'll get you before you get me" game. What an a$$!

 

Of course, if you want to sleep around on Kelly, that's totally your choice.

 

And hon, its your choice whether you stay with him knowing that he's cheated on you.

 

He probably wasn't going to tell you, but you found out anyway. Regardless of whether it was wrong or right to snoop, the information is yours, and you need to use it.

 

If I were you, I'd just break up with him. I'd flat out tell him that you saw the e-mail, and that its over for you (if you want it to be)

 

He's so disrespectful, plus he has feelings for other girls while he's with you.

[katie79]

Going through someone's email who is normal/not showing signs of potential cheating in whatever respect is wrong. However, once you are in an intimate relationship w/someone and you suspect they are cheating...it's damn well your right to know. If he's screwing someone else, exchanging bodily fluids with them, then transmitting it to you...that's certainly your business honey! Not to mention kids are involvled in this (that's a whole other story).

 

Better to find out now than after your married. Perhaps this happened for a reason. Maybe someone upstairs is trying to tell you what he's really up to and you should know. That sounds like fait. Someone upstairs must really care about you...or fait in general is holding up a sign saying "wake up"

 

Yeah...confront him about this. I would start if off by discussing his late night behaviors, the effects alchol has on him, the fact he "doesn't come home" (not a good sign ever), and how this happened and you only did it b/c of his behavior and you wanted to put yourself, your health, and your kids first. He should have nothing to hide nor complain he feels violated.

 

remember, would you rather find out IF this is what he's doing and what it's all about, or would you rather have people whispering about what a fool you are and how much he's getting away with behind your very back while you are in the clouds?

 

Think about this. DOn't feel bad. I don't know if he does cheat b/c I do know you, him, or the relationship, but perhaps it could also be a taste of your own medicine. You say you flirt a lot, perhaps this happned to show you how it feels to be suspicious of someone's behavior who you love and want to marry.

 

Good luck!

[joodee]

I say there's nothing wrong in checking the e-mail, you had a gut feeling, you went with it. My therapist (and several other friends) told me that. Respecting privacy is one thing; hiding and sneaking around with others, that's something else. Your gut was telling you he had something to hide, and you followed it. If he had nothing to hide, then it would be no biggie checking his e-mail, right? And your gut wouldn't have led you to where it now, right?

 

Sounds to me like he's screwing around. Confront him and postpone the wedding. Oh heck, cancel the engagement. No reason to be engaged to this. If he gets pissed, walk away or hang up the phone, don't let him do that to you. I personally would tell him to go to you-know-where and to leave me alone. I am telling you this based on the bad experience I had.

It will not lead to a good marriage.

 

Please think about it.

[prettybutrfly126]

Well I can say that tiki made me laugh and atleast i got a giggle out of this. But seriously, him being gay is not even worth entertaining.

 

I know that its wrong to check his email. And I feel bad about doing but I feel worse about what I found. Funny thing is that, he once checked my email because I left it up. There were emails in there from my ex. Nothing big. Just happy birthday emails and merry christmas. Stuff like that. He says he got mad because he expressed to me that he would rather me not communicate with him anymore because hes not comfortable with it and I agreed. So then when he found these emails, he automatically thought I was still talking to him. But that wasnt the case. Then he said he was also upset because he found emails from my ex in my saved folder that were mixed with his. I save stupid stuff.

 

All the sweet emails my fiance sends me I have saved. Just to have them. And thats what I did with my ex. So they were very old. And he couldnt get over the fact that I still had them. I tried to explain to him that they were for memories. Just like cards or pictures are memories. Long story short, he made me realize that I dont need those memories any more. Besides that, I never re read them, they were just there. So I deleted them. But I remember, how i felt when he read my emails. And I had nothing to hide. I just felt violated. So I feel bad reading his emails because I remember how it made me feel but then I think...well he's checked mines before. Not only that, but I found something that ****s with my mind.

 

I know that i was flirty, but god damn, is that any reason to cheat? Besides that, I cant even remember being as flirty as when we first met. I have changed so much of that for him. Its just that, he doesnt give me a chance to prove it because he's decided he wont go out with me anymore. Now that I think about it. I think maybe he did that on purpose so he can go out with his friends and act and do what he wants and feels good about it because I have flirted in the past.

 

I kinda want to wait to see what his response to the email is going to be before I confront him. Also I have saved a copy of the email just incase he deletes it and trys to deny it. Thank you guys for all the responses.

 

Do any of you guys have an opinion?

[Tracy]

I would wait to see his response also.

 

And, I agree about the going out thing, sounds like an excuse to me.

[tiki]

Yeah, uh, I definitely don't think he's gay

[DerangedAngel]

Do any of you guys have an opinion?

 

Well, just in case you didn't see it the first time: I think you should confront him now.

 

Surely you know what his response to this letter will be.

 

You don't think she made all that crap up out of nowhere thinking his girlfriend would read it, do you? No. It was intended for him, and it won't be coming as a surprise.

 

-DA

[tiki]

#1) Confront

 

#2) Dump

 

There's no way he can get out of this one.

[joodee]

Yes, I do.

 

You don't have to wait for his response, what's there is there. You know what you need to know.

 

My guy in the past got very mad at me because I received a couple of e-mails from a guy I used to date (that guy has been just a friend for years before I got together with my current guy), and (these were his words) "you wouldn't like it if I received e-mails from other women, would you?" I had nothing to hide, in fact was upfront about it.

 

Turns out he was getting e-mails from other women, the two-faced jerk. One was just like the one you read, it was scary how much alike they were. I copied it and sent it to him (as evidence he couldn't deny), along with a message from me telling him where to go. I wasn't gonna listen to him explain away anything or say that I snooped ( he was hiding stuff from me)! He tried to call and e-mail, I ignored his calls, and deleted his e-mails to me. A week later he tracked me down and apologized and cried, he was to blame, etc...... He would then try to say what "issues" he had with me, and I said, "that doesn't justify cheating and lying. It is NEVER ok to cheat and lie." I told him to get help. He is still trying to get back with me, I am trying to keep away.

 

I hope this scenario helps you see the light.

[Girlie]

This man is so busted.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Confront him and then ship him off. Good luck, and keep us posted.

[joodee]

Yes, please keep us posted. This may help me too keep away (or get the strength to keep away) from my messed up situation.

 

It's not fair to you what he's doing, at all.

 

And stick to your guns. I wish I never let my guy talk to me at all since I found out his cheating ways. He wants to work it out, I'd rather not. Please take my (and others) advice, get out, dump him, and don't look back.

[Honesty]

Confront his a$$!

[katie79]

stop feeling bad about "checking his email".

 

If he's cheating...Like I said prior to this reply, it's your business in a myrid number of ways. He violated his commitment to you, he is disrespecting you, he's hurting your children, and violating your body's health by possibly bring warts, herpes, HIV/AIDS, gonnerrehea, Hepititis A, B,C,D.., and crabs . If I had a choice b/t violation of this OR my email, I'd pick the email

 

Keeping secrets is never good ! That's not love. If you keep questioning mentioning this b/c you feel "Oh so bad" about violating his privacy by a small miracle that occured, you sound to me like you have quite some trouble communicating with him. Cheating is a lousy thing to accuse anyone of, but unless you have reason which you do, why hold back. Besides, suppose there is some ridiculous explanation for it? You want to be open with someone you are planning to share your life with. This is something to be open about if this works out. Don't wimp out. ASK HIM WHAT THE F*** is going on!

[supermom]

I completely agree with the other posters. One thing that stuck out for me is the fact that is is negatively talking about you to other women which is almost as disrespectful as cheating. Kinda like the "poor me" outlook. Some women are lured in by this way.

 

In a relationship cheating is horribly wrong, but also talking about personal conflicts with the opposite sex invites cheating as well, plus it's highly disrespectful.

 

Sounds like he's taken enough of your time, recapture your self dignaty, dump his ass, hire a babysitter, and have a fun girls night out

 

Good Luck

[SoleMate]

If he were with me, this guy would have been busted the very first time he stayed out all night without a pre-arranged and acceptable reason (tomcatting it up in the clubs is not an acceptable reason). I just can't imagine tolerating that. If he's my man, by definition he comes home to me every night, unless he really is legitimately with his poker club or his parents.

 

So...you need a better guy. Lose this one.

[Girlie]

''''''''''Kinda like the "poor me" outlook. Some women are lured in by this way.''''''''

 

Yes, many are. My ex used to use this all of the time with the girls he cheated on me with. "Oh poor me, my girlfriend is so horrible. Blah, blah, blah." Yea, I was terrible...I actually wanted him to stop sleeping with other women. How could I?! lol.

[prettybutrfly126]

Okay so he got home from work at 6:00 and I was just so anxious to hear what he had to say. Not only that. But I decided I would check his email one last time to see if he checked it from work and happened to respond. But The email was no longer there...go figure.

 

He asked me why I looked Like I just lost my puppy or something to that nature and I then handed him the email that I printed out for him. I asked what that was and he looked at it like he had never seen it bofore, and staired at it for about a minute but seemed like an hour. And then his face just kinda dropped like he got caught. He never denied it. He said "what do you want me to say I was drunk and nothing happened" (no thanks to him).

 

I asked him what happened that night. Do you know that he said that they slept in the same bed.... and acted like it was nothing because they were such good friends. Then he said, its normal for them to sleep in the same bed because they used to be roommates and she was like family. Then just like Jodie said, he brought up our relationship and how we were going thru problems and how he didnt feel like our problems were going away. He said him and her didnt kiss or anything, he tried rubbing on her and she turned him down.

 

He said that the last few times he went out that he didnt care what happened. He said he wasnt looking for anybody but if it happened it happened. Can you beleive that ****!! Than he cried and said its because he feels like he's always disapointing me and he can never do anything right in my book... Bull ****. hes talking about the other day when i wanted to have sex and he turned me down because he was tired. I dont even do that as a woman. Yes I was disappointed. I make it a point to give him sex each and every time he wants it because I dont want to give him any reason at all to cheat or go looking elsewhere. Not only that but I enjoy having sex with him. He was just giving me the guilt trip.

 

I kept my composure and didnt cry. I dont think reality has hit me yet but I did ask him to leave. I told him that I have done nothing but work on this relationship because we are engaged and because we have children and we are a family and all that is worth it to me...but I dont think I can work on this. I told him that i would never trust him and our relationship would just be nothing but suspicions. He said for our family he is willing to gain my trust again and be willing to have me not trust him for now.

 

anyhow, i left and told him to make some arangments. When i got home he was heading out to his second job and cryed and said he was sorry, and that he never cheated on me and was sorry this even happened and it was the first time. He said he understands how i feel and was surprised i was so calm because if the tables were turned he wouldnt be. He said that he is going to work on finding a place by saturday and said again that he didnt want to go and he wanted to work on it. I said nothing and let him walk out the door.

 

I dont know how im being so strong, but its surprising the hell out of me. Its actually really scary. I know that im going to have a breakdown within the next week, i just hope hes completely gone when that happens.

 

Its just not as easy as some of you say. Its hard to just drop everything. We have kids together and are engaged. We live together. I started my whole life over for this man. My youngest son is turning 11 and here i am having a baby for this man because thats what he wanted. And i love him so much and thought we were going to be together forever so I wanted to give him a child. But i cant think about all of that now. I have to think about the situation at hand. I cant let him think that I will just let this fly by and stay with him. That will only tell him that he can walk all over me because I wont leave him. There has to be bounderies and a point when you say enough is enough.

 

I have a feeling that when he comes home tonight he is going to cry again and say he wants to work things out. God give me the strength to not fall for anything he has to say and stick to my guns. I need to remind myself its best for my kids and myself.

 

I feel like if i stay with him than i deserve everything he throws my way. And I know that the next few weeks is going to be a roller coaster for me emotionally. Ive never really been heart broken before. I dont know what to expect, but if it gets any worse than this....i might as well die.

 

I will keep you guys posted.

[prettybutrfly126]

sigh....I need a drink!!

Hey I might as well start a new post in the "Coping" forum (laughing)...sorry i had to make a joke.