Why does he say he still loves me???

[Sheilalou008]

Last night I bombarded him with I still love you texts to which he never responded. Funny thing is that we were talking and laughing all day prior to that. I really want to send him a goodbye text today or something. I want to tell him that he's right, that we are incompatible and that when my head is clear I actually see what a pitiful little lost boy he is and how much better I am than him and his new ego booster toy girlfriend. I really want to write something that will make him think or at least acknowledge his ****ty ways. The truth is that he has never been single since he was 12 and finds girls who become completely obsessed with him and then constantly is hot and cold. Another thing is that he is the youngest child and his mom literally waits on him hand and foot like he's a prince. I'm sure he expects that from women he dates. He's deathly insecure as well. I bet this new girl just worships him because she's young and naive whereas I challenged him and called him on his BS. I bet he is her world whereas i have a ton of friends and am always travelling, going out, am very outgoing etc. I actually met him when he was 17 and showed him life. When he met me he had only ever eaten a grilled cheese sandwich!!!!! He sat in his room, played guitar and video games all day and was a social retard. I took him to Europe with me and all over this country. I taught him to drive. I took him out to concerts and introduced him to all of his favorite bands. I almost feel like I raised a boy into a "man", and all I get is to watch him be that man with someone else. I want to express this all to him. Why do I feel the need to have the last word? I don't want him walking away thinking "she's still in love with me, I'm the ****". What do you guys think?

 

 

Please, do not send anything else. Telling him you love him constantly will just annoy him. He knows, I assure you. You are just pissing him off.

 

Some times it is just the way it is. There are no answers to the many questions, Mother f ucking him isn't going to change anything either. JUST LET IT GO. I know it is difficult. You can and will live and love again. Forget the other girl and do not go beating her up and threatening her. All it will do is get you into a bunch of trouble you do not need right now.

 

Find a friend you have neglected and spend time with them. Go out, have some fun or at least pretend to. I forced myself to get out of the house and see people. Sitting at home and in bed just made things worse. Please, take care of yourself and leave him alone.

[Rebecca1134]

I went to a concert that he and his new gf were supposed to go to last night, but he thankfully didn't go. I recorded some of the concert and posted it on YouTube. I get an angry text from him this morning saying how I posted it out maliciousness. That isn't why I posted it, but I cannot deny that I did want him to see it, but mainly because I know it's his favorite band. Anyways, I was being really cold and mean to him today, telling him how I don't give a **** if he was there or not. How he needs to stop flattering himself and that is narcisstic to think my life revolves around him. He said he didn't go becaise I'm a psychopath. Then he ended up saying how he didn't go because he didnt want to hurt me. Blahblahblah, more I love yous. He admitted that his new gf is the most insecure person he's ever met and cried for days when she saw me in this Movie I was in. Soooo basically I established that he finds super insecure women to become involved with. He says she boosts his ego. Is this man pathetic or what??? I don't know what to make of any of this. I even deleted him number yesterday. Ugh!!!!!

[Sheilalou008]

I went to a concert that he and his new gf were supposed to go to last night, but he thankfully didn't go. I recorded some of the concert and posted it on YouTube. I get an angry text from him this morning saying how I posted it out maliciousness. That isn't why I posted it, but I cannot deny that I did want him to see it, but mainly because I know it's his favorite band. Anyways, I was being really cold and mean to him today, telling him how I don't give a **** if he was there or not. How he needs to stop flattering himself and that is narcisstic to think my life revolves around him. He said he didn't go becaise I'm a psychopath. Then he ended up saying how he didn't go because he didnt want to hurt me. Blahblahblah, more I love yous. He admitted that his new gf is the most insecure person he's ever met and cried for days when she saw me in this Movie I was in. Soooo basically I established that he finds super insecure women to become involved with. He says she boosts his ego. Is this man pathetic or what??? I don't know what to make of any of this. I even deleted him number yesterday. Ugh!!!!!

 

It doesn't seem like you want to listen to anyone on here and our advice. The reason he thinks the world revolves around him with you is cus it does. You are very transparent, I can see it from here and I don't even know you.

 

I wish you luck cus you are going to need it.

[Rebecca1134]

It doesn't seem like you want to listen to anyone on here and our advice. The reason he thinks the world revolves around him with you is cus it does. You are very transparent, I can see it from here and I don't even know you.

 

I wish you luck cus you are going to need it.

 

 

 

Wow. Some support forum this is. Flaming me for expressing myself an just looking for answers. All I hear is no contact but I want to know why he's doing this!!!!

[Rebecca1134]

I'm at that stage where I'm trying to bargain and make sense of this all. I know you say that there is no answer but I just want to hear feedback like "hes a jerk" or someone to analyze why he is doing what he's doing. I keep telling myself that ill feel better if I know his motives.

[Rebecca1134]

Calling someone transparent in a support forum?? Maybe you shouldn't be here because that's very hurtful. I already feel really bad and just to get ridiculed by the people that are here to help....asinine.

[Sheilalou008]

I was in your shoes no less than 2 months ago myself and I assure you that being called out happened to me. Difference is, I listened and took the very helpful advice that was given to me. It is frustrating to see someone who is clearly hurt(and rightfully so) keep doing the exact opposite of what can help that pain.

 

You want to be upset with me and call me assinine, fine. I have given the same support that was given to me and taking it was the best thing I did for MYSELF. I am sure that you think what you are going through is somehow different or worse than what I did, but I assure you, we are all in the same boat here. I just know mine is not a yacht.

 

I kept no contact and stayed away and I feel a 1000 times better not having to worry about what he said or what he is thinking. This is all any of us are trying to tell you. I know you are going to do whatever you think is right and what works for you but all it is going to do is create more drama and heartache for you.

 

I apologize for seeming cold and callous but listen to us all cus we know what we are talking about.

[Sheilalou008]

I'm at that stage where I'm trying to bargain and make sense of this all. I know you say that there is no answer but I just want to hear feedback like "hes a jerk" or someone to analyze why he is doing what he's doing. I keep telling myself that ill feel better if I know his motives.

 

 

He is doing this cus he is an ass/hole. I cannot analyze his behavior cus I do not know him but he isn't being fair to you or your heart. Trust me, you will not feel better knowing his motives cus he probably doesn't have a clue either. He does it cus he can and you allow it to happen.

 

I was where you are and it blows. It will get better! I promise. Once you start caring about yourself and well being the thoughts of him will start to fade. Just think, the insecure cry baby girl gets to deal with his stupidity from now on.

[Rebecca1134]

He is doing this cus he is an ass/hole. I cannot analyze his behavior cus I do not know him but he isn't being fair to you or your heart. Trust me, you will not feel better knowing his motives cus he probably doesn't have a clue either. He does it cus he can and you allow it to happen.

 

I was where you are and it blows. It will get better! I promise. Once you start caring about yourself and well being the thoughts of him will start to fade. Just think, the insecure cry baby girl gets to deal with his stupidity from now on.

 

I apologize for calling you asinine. I'm just so sensitive these days and you are 100%. I need someone to tell it like it is. I'm going NC, and am going to start living better. Thank you all so much for everything. I can't wait til this is a distant memory where id laugh.

[Sheilalou008]

It is no big deal and no reason to apologize. If anything, I should have been more sensitive to your situation. It is hard to see someone hurt and know the answer that can help. I wouldn't wish the way you feel on my worst enemy. I still have my moments but they are less dramatic and way less frequent, if anything I am totally shut down to love or the possibilities of it.

 

Hey, you may fall with the N/C thing, if you do, pick yourself right back up and carry on. Have you been out with any friends besides the concert? I remember cleaning every square inch of my apt and cooking like mad just to keep busy. Blast some music and cry it out. Have a friend listen to your sadness. That is what friends are for. I know I drive mine nuts! It is kinda funny, they are the one asking me about him...how the tide changes.

 

Just remember you will be stronger than you think when you start worrying about yourself. Even if it is small things. Do your hair or make up, look sexy! Go buy something new for yourself that you don't have to share. Be selfish!

[grace777]

I agree with Sheila - you need to stay busy. I also agree with some of the other posters that you need to see a therapist/counselor. Really, you need a professional to help guide you out of your anger and depression.

 

You are only 31! You will find love once you find yourself again. I was in a relationship with a younger partner too. The age for sure plays a role in their need for change. And it's hard to accept, but for me, when I look back to where I was in my early 20's...I can understand the need the ex's may feel to branch out. I know that your relationship was intense and passionate. But from your earlier post, it was also dysfunctional. This is not the perfect fit for you. He is not the one for you. You must move on.

 

Now to moving on - you MUST STAY BUSY. And you have to rewire your brain. I posted this to someone else a couple of months ago. It may sound hokey, but it's science, quantum physics actually. The really cool part is, we are in control of our minds and our emotions. Here it is: We as humans create patterns in our brains that create chemical reactions for happiness, love, sadness, hate, etc. The more frequently we repeat these patterns, the stronger the connections. These synapses in our brains form little connections. The connections start as paths, then over time and time of repetition, they become engrained and stronger connections, like roads, then streets, then highways! You have created many highways with this relationship.

 

You had so many happy or loving feelings repeated over and over again, that spawned from being with him, holding his hand, looking into his eyes, hearing his voice, getting a text, etc...over time they became highways to your happiness. Now that he's gone, and those instigators are gone, you don't know how to get your happiness.

 

What's more, when you do get texts, see him, talk to him, etc., you are now feeling sadness and anger, confusion and major depression. Your highways are jacked! Time to reconstruct!

 

So here's what you have to do. First you have to stop the patterns. When you start to think of him, make yourself refocus. Seriously, think of ANYTHING else. Call a friend (and do NOT talk about him), think of your work, read a book and focus on it, anything. Also, there's a lot to be said about changing your physiology - in other words, move your body! Go on a walk - do 20 jumping jacks, jog around the block, you get the idea. That will automatically stop the synapses in your brain from thinking of him and trying to lead to pleasure, but failing, so they lead to pain.

 

Now, rebuild your highways! Hang out with friends, advance in your career, workout, rebuild your image by going shopping, start a new hobby, etc. You are making new connections in your brain, changing the hardwiring, so that you feel happy by doing things that are different and unique to just you.

 

Stopping the bad patterns and establishing new patterns will work wonders. It does take major, conscious effort though. For me, the worst time was just before bed and right when I woke up - even then, when you're tired, you have to do the work and change your focus. At first it takes effort, to build those roads that turn to highways, and to barricade those old highways, but repetition and consistency is key. If you do this for a couple of days, I promise you'll notice a difference. In a couple of weeks, you'll start to feel like you again.

 

You also need to seek counseling. And 100%, no, make that 1000% - DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE CONTACT WITH HIM!

 

Good luck to you. It does get better, but you have to want it to. You have to let go. You must prioritize yourself.

[Rebecca1134]

I still have my moments but they are less dramatic and way less frequent, if anything I am totally shut down to love or the possibilities of it.

 

 

Oh man, I know how you feel. I see it as by a certain age, everyone has had their first love or someone they compare everyone else to. I feel like no matter who i meet ill be thinking of my ex, or the new person thinking about their ex. I think this is the reason people meet, and just kind of settle, if they get along, then great. Maybe im just jaded, but i really think anything else from here on out with just be bull****.

[Rebecca1134]

I agree with Sheila - you need to stay busy. I also agree with some of the other posters that you need to see a therapist/counselor. Really, you need a professional to help guide you out of your anger and depression.

 

You are only 31! You will find love once you find yourself again. I was in a relationship with a younger partner too. The age for sure plays a role in their need for change. And it's hard to accept, but for me, when I look back to where I was in my early 20's...I can understand the need the ex's may feel to branch out. I know that your relationship was intense and passionate. But from your earlier post, it was also dysfunctional. This is not the perfect fit for you. He is not the one for you. You must move on.

 

Now to moving on - you MUST STAY BUSY. And you have to rewire your brain. I posted this to someone else a couple of months ago. It may sound hokey, but it's science, quantum physics actually. The really cool part is, we are in control of our minds and our emotions. Here it is: We as humans create patterns in our brains that create chemical reactions for happiness, love, sadness, hate, etc. The more frequently we repeat these patterns, the stronger the connections. These synapses in our brains form little connections. The connections start as paths, then over time and time of repetition, they become engrained and stronger connections, like roads, then streets, then highways! You have created many highways with this relationship.

 

You had so many happy or loving feelings repeated over and over again, that spawned from being with him, holding his hand, looking into his eyes, hearing his voice, getting a text, etc...over time they became highways to your happiness. Now that he's gone, and those instigators are gone, you don't know how to get your happiness.

 

What's more, when you do get texts, see him, talk to him, etc., you are now feeling sadness and anger, confusion and major depression. Your highways are jacked! Time to reconstruct!

 

So here's what you have to do. First you have to stop the patterns. When you start to think of him, make yourself refocus. Seriously, think of ANYTHING else. Call a friend (and do NOT talk about him), think of your work, read a book and focus on it, anything. Also, there's a lot to be said about changing your physiology - in other words, move your body! Go on a walk - do 20 jumping jacks, jog around the block, you get the idea. That will automatically stop the synapses in your brain from thinking of him and trying to lead to pleasure, but failing, so they lead to pain.

 

Now, rebuild your highways! Hang out with friends, advance in your career, workout, rebuild your image by going shopping, start a new hobby, etc. You are making new connections in your brain, changing the hardwiring, so that you feel happy by doing things that are different and unique to just you.

 

Stopping the bad patterns and establishing new patterns will work wonders. It does take major, conscious effort though. For me, the worst time was just before bed and right when I woke up - even then, when you're tired, you have to do the work and change your focus. At first it takes effort, to build those roads that turn to highways, and to barricade those old highways, but repetition and consistency is key. If you do this for a couple of days, I promise you'll notice a difference. In a couple of weeks, you'll start to feel like you again.

 

You also need to seek counseling. And 100%, no, make that 1000% - DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE CONTACT WITH HIM!

 

Good luck to you. It does get better, but you have to want it to. You have to let go. You must prioritize yourself.

 

 

The way you described creating those highways in your brain really made me see things in a different way. That seriously was one of the best things ive ever heard. I know there a movie about just that called "What the **** Do We Know"....maybe we should all watch it..Thanks for that though..that was super insightful..

[Rebecca1134]

I wish that there was a support group we could all meet up at!! That would be so awesome! LIke breakup anonymous...hahaha...thanks to all for your help...it really does help..im surprised that people you've never met can have such an impact....and that so many people are experiencing exactly what i am.....

[Rebecca1134]

I'm sorry but here is one last major gripe I have through all of this....I feel like all i was was a learning experience to him, and now this new girl gets to reap the benefits of 6 years of my suffering......lucky ****ing her..

[Am4Real]

Rebecca,

 

You seriously need to get ahold of yourself and perhaps seek out counseling like Tara suggested to you.

 

From your posts, there is forming a distorted view of reality – you really need to work on yourself and avoiding interactions with the past (him) both mentally and physically.

 

If he were on this forum and posting about his “EX”, meaning you, and what he is going through from a separation issue from you, he would probably be given sympathy, albeit he should have ignored the YOUTUBE upload urge to text you and should not even have access to your uploads.

 

Nonetheless, how old are the two of you and please spare us the 31 and 29 story?

 

Com’on now, get yourself together and heed the advice being given here.

 

 

 

I'm at that stage where I'm trying to bargain and make sense of this all. I know you say that there is no answer but I just want to hear feedback like "hes a jerk" or someone to analyze why he is doing what he's doing. I keep telling myself that ill feel better if I know his motives.

[Am4Real]

And if you get yourself in the right frame of mind and learn from any and all mistakes you made, just think how wonderful you will be for the next guy your with -- he will adore you!!!!

 

 

I'm sorry but here is one last major gripe I have through all of this....I feel like all i was was a learning experience to him, and now this new girl gets to reap the benefits of 6 years of my suffering......lucky ****ing her..

[Rebecca1134]

Rebecca,

 

You seriously need to get ahold of yourself and perhaps seek out counseling like Tara suggested to you.

 

From your posts, there is forming a distorted view of reality – you really need to work on yourself and avoiding interactions with the past (him) both mentally and physically.

 

If he were on this forum and posting about his “EX”, meaning you, and what he is going through from a separation issue from you, he would probably be given sympathy, albeit he should have ignored the YOUTUBE upload urge to text you and should not even have access to your uploads.

 

Nonetheless, how old are the two of you and please spare us the 31 and 29 story?

 

Com’on now, get yourself together and heed the advice being given here.

 

 

Have a therapist appointment on Monday....Im 31 and he is 23!!!!! i met him when he was 17! What the ****!?!?

[Am4Real]

Rebecca,

 

Again, I say to you: if you get yourself in the right frame of mind and learn from any and all mistakes you made, just think how wonderful you will be for the next guy your with -- he will adore you!!!!

 

Let's move forward!

[Rebecca1134]

Ugh! He texted me tonight just sending me a funny video on YouTube. I'm such a wuss I swear!!! I responded and we've been talking a bit. I really need to change my number maybe?? Why is he still keeping me around?!?

[TaraMaiden]

No.

You need to change your number DEFINITELY.

 

The problem is, the way you feel right now - what'a going to stop you telling him you've changed your number, and here's your new one.......?