Pushing for the truth when it came to the penis sizes of the other guys

[soooconfused]

In a nutshell...married 6-7 years, separated for the past 1 1/2. I'm 34, she is 30. We both dated during the separation. I slept with 4 people, she slept with 2. I am a very sexual person, very vivid also. I have imagined the worse knowing that she slept with two other people.

 

We have been back together (still living separately) for the past 4 months or so. I am confident she loves me with all her heart and i am not worried about these other guys. She has professed her love to me over and over again and wants nothing more for us to be together again. She is ready to commit 100% to the relationship.

 

My biggest problem right now is that i have been pushing for the truth when it came to the penis sizes of the other guys and how i compared to them. At first she reassured me that out of the 3 i am the largest. After more prodding the story has now changed, she is now telling me that the first guy was larger than me. She keeps saying that she cannot completely remember and isnt 100% sure but with me pushing for the truth and harassing her about it she has now put me at #2 on the list out of the 3.

 

This is eating me alive. I am to the point where i am ready to say screw the reconciliation because of this. She tells me this is ridiculous and cannot believe that this is even an issue to me. Problem is, it is a major issue right now.

 

How can i get beyond this? Should i let this bother me? Is she right, is it ridiculous to be letting this bother me?

 

PLEASE PROVIDE SOME INSIGHT SO I WILL KNOW IF I AM ACTING CRAZY OR IF MY CONCERNS ARE LEGITIMATE.

 

Thanks!

[Still Sad]

Yes, it is ridiculous for that to concern you.

 

You will never forgive yourself it you let that issue ruin your reconciliation.

[soooconfused]

Originally posted by Still Sad

Yes, it is ridiculous for that to concern you.

 

You will never forgive yourself it you let that issue ruin your reconciliation.

 

thank you for the response....deep down inside i know it is ridiculous, but for some reason it is driving me nuts...i know i should just be happy that we are working on reconciling ( we also have a child together)...please, more responses would be greatly appreciated.

[sillysally]

It would be the same (sort of) if she were hounding you about the other women's breast sizes. See? It means nothing. People don't form loving bonds because of sizes of body parts. Penis size is so trivial, it is not even on my list of characteristics that I look for in a man. You have to let it go, it's going to put a wedge between you.

[sami]

It is only a sign of insecurity you are having about your ownself. There is no guarantee you rank number two either. You may be the smallest the three. It is quite possible. If you are going to loose your mind and girl over your penis size then definitly you need to seek professional help. Who told you you have got the largest penis on earth?.

[soooconfused]

Originally posted by sillysally

It would be the same (sort of) if she were hounding you about the other women's breast sizes. See? It means nothing. People don't form loving bonds because of sizes of body parts. Penis size is so trivial, it is not even on my list of characteristics that I look for in a man. You have to let it go, it's going to put a wedge between you.

 

Yeah, I know. It is already putting a wedge between us. We have been fighting all day over this crap. Slowly working on it...just cant seem to get the mental images out of my mind

[ntovrhm]

Dude, you are going to destroy this chance at reconciliation over something so stupid. Go right ahead. I may be a little bitter in my reply, but my ex did something similar to me, and I told the truth, and he never got over it.

 

On one hand, he wanted complete honesty, and I knew that was most important to him. I made the mistake of thinking he was a really secure guy. (He was fabulous in bed, and was very well endowed). I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't tell him honestly.

 

Maybe you can put perspective on this for me, as well. What did you want by asking that question? That she insist you were the biggest if you weren't? Were you testing her honesty? Were you insecure and would you have felt better with a lie?

 

You put her in a very awkward position by asking that question.

 

I'm sorry, but she is with you because she wants to be with YOU!

 

Maybe I just can't understand men in that regard. I would like to be enlightened, but from a woman's perspective, just because a guy has a "big one", doesn't mean anything terms of a loving caring and mutually sexually satisfying relationship.

[soooconfused]

yes, I was most definitely testing her honesty. I dont know why, but this stuff does matter to guys for some immature reason.

[Leikela]

First of all, I cannot believe you even asked her about lovers she had while you two were separated. It's none of your business.

 

Why would you even care anyway? So what if one of the guys had a bigger shlong then you? Are you that insecure that you're judging your penis size to your own worth?

 

You should drop the subject now and STOP harassing her. She doesn't owe you any explanation and it's truly none of your business who she slept with while you were separated. Leave it alone.

[lost_in_chgo]

Leikela

Well I disagree that is none of his business.

 

I'd expect that she tell me about anyone she is currently in contact with that she has been involved with so that there are no surprises down the road. That's more about loyalty and honesty than jealousy. Would you like it if your partner had dated most of your friends and you didn't know about it because they kept a secret behind your back? Or if one of her work mates was also a former lover and you found out from someone else at the company christmas party after having him over to your house a few times?

 

Besides I've had similar conversation out of morbid curiosity. Though a woman that will openly discuss that sort of thing usually has a screw loose. (pun intended)

 

soooo:

As far as the size thing....look at the big picture.... (no pun intended)

there are millions of guys bigger than you and millions smaller.

It's luck of the draw.

 

In your case, so what if she had a guy that was bigger. He didn't know how to use it so she left him and now she's with you.

 

Yeah, that's worth ruining your relationship over.

 

Tell you what....here's your Second Chance before you break up and go thru hell knowing you screwed up the relationship. Stop now, while you still have her.

[Leikela]

Originally posted by lost_in_chgo

Leikela

Well I disagree that is none of his business.

 

I'd expect that she tell me about anyone she is currently in contact with that she has been involved with so that there are no surprises down the road. That's more about loyalty and honesty than jealousy.

 

You are entitled to disagree. Knowing WHO your partner slept with is not the issue here and NOT what I was referring to, so I don't see how that is relevant. I was merely referring to how it was none of his business on how large the penis size of the other lovers were. In my opinion, that's just childish and totally reflects his own insecurities.

 

Would you like it if your partner had dated most of your friends and you didn't know about it because they kept a secret behind your back?

 

How is this relevant to this guys post? Did he say that this was a scenerio for him? I don't think he mentioned knowing the men his wife slept with.

 

Or if one of her work mates was also a former lover and you found out from someone else at the company christmas party after having him over to your house a few times?

 

Again, how is this relevant to the topic at hand?

 

Like I said before, you're entitled to your own opinion just like I'm entitled to mine. If you think that this guy wanting to know if his wife's past lovers has bigger penises then him and him hounding her about this issue does not seem childish and insecure, then more power to you. I feel differently and was expressing that. So be it.

[Pantuuf]

In my opinion, bigger is not at all better. I truly believe that there is a perfect size for each person, I have friends who say thier SO is too big and it is not pleasureable, I also know women who say their husband is very small and he is the best lover they've ever had. What matters is how communicative and expressive a lover you are, the size of your utensil matters little. I know that it matters to guys but honestly, even if the other guys were bigger it does not mean that they were in the least bit superior.

[backspn]

Who cares what size they were......why compare yourself with the other guys......she is with you now.

[prevch]

yah sooooconfused you're pissing people off

 

Sorry buddy I know you may be testing her honesty or whatever but listen man the girl that I want to marry is off sleeping with some other dude right now we are nowehere near reconcilliation yet the girl of your dreams wants you back and you are concerned about penis size? Honestly dude it does not matter. If she loves you then she loves you that's final. Quit sweating over trivial things. Crap happens man don't ruin your life for something so damn stupid. Physicality is only about 10% of the relationship in most girls' eyes. the other 90% is based on emotion.

 

Drop it dude seriously as your friend and peer just let it go and be happy you have someone to love.

[soooconfused]

Originally posted by prevch

yah sooooconfused you're pissing people off

 

Sorry buddy I know you may be testing her honesty or whatever but listen man the girl that I want to marry is off sleeping with some other dude right now we are nowehere near reconcilliation yet the girl of your dreams wants you back and you are concerned about penis size? Honestly dude it does not matter. If she loves you then she loves you that's final. Quit sweating over trivial things. Crap happens man don't ruin your life for something so damn stupid. Physicality is only about 10% of the relationship in most girls' eyes. the other 90% is based on emotion.

 

Drop it dude seriously as your friend and peer just let it go and be happy you have someone to love.

 

I understand how this comes across as selfish because i do have her back now. Put yourself in my shoes, say your SO comes back to you. After the initial giddyness of being back together wears off dont you think the fact that she slept with other people will be an issue? It kills you now that she is sleeping with someone, why wouldnt it still hurt once she comes back?

[Leikela]

Originally posted by soooconfused

I understand how this comes across as selfish because i do have her back now. Put yourself in my shoes, say your SO comes back to you. After the initial giddyness of being back together wears off dont you think the fact that she slept with other people will be an issue? It kills you now that she is sleeping with someone, why wouldnt it still hurt once she comes back?

 

Dude, that's not what your initial concern was about though. You told us that it was killing you that you were #2 and not #1 in the big penis contest that you conjured up.

 

If the real issue is her sleeping with other guys while you were apart then express that. I can see how that would bother you but you said yourself that you slept with 4 girls. You slept with 2 more people then she did. Don't you think you're imposing a double standard? You both got your rocks off with other people while apart. So be it. You can't change the past. She probably did it for the same reason's you did. We're all only human.

[prevch]

I agree man, you have to let it go. I knwo it hurts but ask yourself this

 

"Is it worth me losing the woman I want to spend the rest of my life because she messed up and slept with some other people?"

 

yah my ex is sleeping with someone right now too but I would fix things with her in a second if I could. Not because it doesn't piss me off that she slept with someone else cuz it does totally, in fact, it kills me everytime I think about it. But then I think "this is my baby and I will love her until the end of time no matter what"

 

that's what love is. Love is forgiving anf it is honest and it is so many amazing things so swallow that big pride rock you have and just accept it. I prolly sound like a jerk man and I am not trying to but dude if this is honestly the woman of your dreams instead of asking about penis size tell her you forgive her, take her out to dinner, buy her roses, and love her the way she deserves to be loved.

 

That's it man seriously. You have one chance in this life with someone that you honestly love this is yours take it or leave it.

[Mr Spock]

You told us that it was killing you that you were #2 and not #1 in the big penis contest that you conjured up.

 

 

 

You know what? If you were split up, she can f*ck whoever she wants to. If you didn't in that period of time, more fool you. You're going to drive her away with your obessive, immature behaviour. Go find yourself an untried virgin and see how much fun they are in bed.

 

 

Either that, or get a penis enlargement so you can be certain you're number 1.

 

Stop the Silliness.

[backspn]

It happens......youre gonna have doubt....its human nature. Sex is a big part of a relationship but it isnt everything. I always say "actions not words". How does she act....does she show you that she loves you or does she just say it? Thats one way to find out the REAL truth. Hope this helps.

[savethedrama4allama]

sooooconfused...

 

Let me tell you once and for all. Do you promise to believe me?

 

As long as your penis is more than 4 inches long...

are you still with me?

 

SIZE DOES NOT MATTER.

 

What matters are how you use it- as well as how you use your hands, your mouth, your brain...how loved she feels in your arms, how much time you take on her, how concerned you are with her satisfaction. Seriously. I think we women feel how most men do about the porn issue. Women are upset about men watching porn, men tell women not to worry about it. Men freak out about penis size and we tell them that it doesn't matter (to a certain degree of course, we're not talking about microphallus here).

 

Seems to be like you're focusing on the penis size but you're actually worried that these other guys pleased her more in general. Penis size isn't synonymous with pleasure.

 

As long as you obsess, your reconciliation will be stalled. The comparison will kill you if you let it. I am no psychologist but I think therapy may be in order if you can't reign it in. She is with you for a reason; tell yourself that every time you find yourself making those comparisons.

 

Respectfully yours, savethedrama

[savethedrama4allama]

By the way,

 

Were the 4 girls you slept with during your separation tighter than her?

 

Who cares because you love your girl and you want to be together, right? Got my point?

 

Respectfully yours,

Savethedrama

[soooconfused]

drama...

 

thanks for the replies

[FolderWife]

YOU'RE NUTS!!! Is she obsessing because the 4 women you slept with had bigger boobs? Is she obsessing that they had nicer butts? Is she obsessing because they are younger and better looking? I think not. Who CARES how big the guys wee wee is????? It's all in how he uses it!!!

 

Unless you have a really eensy penis, then I can see your problem....no I can't...not even if you're an inch, can I see any point in obsessing about this.

 

I think you're worried that she's going to be fantasizing about those guys when she's with you. I can guarantee you she won't. I NEVER THINK OF MY EX BOYFRIEND'S PENIS SIZE!!!!

 

 

See, this is why married people, whether seperated or not, should not date, until they are SINGLE!!!!!!

 

If everyone would read the Bible and live by it, we wouldn't HAVE these problems

 

P.S. You're NUTS!!!

[FolderWife]

Wait...I'm seeing the problem more clearly:

 

Ok.....you want to think, like everyone who's ever been in a relationship in their lifetime wants to think, that you are the best man she's ever had. You want to have the best body, the best moves, and the best weeny. Just like when us girls ask, "Was your ex prettier than me?" and the man says, "No way! Are you kidding!!!" If the man is stupid enough to say, "She had nicer boobs, and hair," Then the woman is going to be peeeeeed off. You didn't ask if he was better in bed, or had a better penis, you asked if he had a BIGGER penis.

 

I get so sick of my husband lusting after big fake boobs, then when I say, "Those are fake! If I had surgery, I could look like that!" and he'd say, "How do you know they're fake!? Jenna's boobs were that big, and they were real!"

 

OH HOW I HATED THAT!!! I'D GET MAD EVERY TIME HE'D SAY THAT!!! I STILL GET MAD THINKING ABOUT IT!!!! That MY man touched another woman's boobs, that he OBVIOUSLY liked better than mine!!! Since I Had a b cup, and she must've had Fs I saw her picture, and she was a tiny girl...she was lucky if she had a C cup, but my husband swears she had Pamela Anderson's body

 

Whatever.

 

Back to you. Your feelings/ego is hurt, because in your head, this guy was 'better' than you, because according to your wife, his penis was bigger.

 

You shouldn't have asked.

 

I understand that human emotion doesn't make sense.

 

What I think you need to do is analyze yourself, and figure out why this bothers you. Do you feel threatened by this guy? Why does the fact that he's bigger bother you? Do you know? Is it because you want to be bigger? Is it because you wanted to be the biggest your wife ever had? Is it because you think that she thinks he was better than you?

 

I sure do think my husband likes his ex's boobs better than mine, but if I said that to him, he'd think I was a retard, because if he liked her better, he'd be with her

 

That does NOT make me feel any better though

[faux]

Originally posted by soooconfused

How can i get beyond this? Should i let this bother me? Is she right, is it ridiculous to be letting this bother me?

 

PLEASE PROVIDE SOME INSIGHT SO I WILL KNOW IF I AM ACTING CRAZY OR IF MY CONCERNS ARE LEGITIMATE.

 

Thanks!

 

Firstly, your concerns are not legitimate. However, I do understand your concern being a male myself. Penis size is a guy thing, and for some reason we men get all worked up over how large past partners were, or partners since us are.

 

As for getting beyond this, I recommend you reference what you said above:

 

We have been back together (still living separately) for the past 4 months or so. I am confident she loves me with all her heart and i am not worried about these other guys. She has professed her love to me over and over again and wants nothing more for us to be together again. She is ready to commit 100% to the relationship.

 

Those are all GOOD things you said there. Focus on those GOOD things. Most important of all, remember the "Loves you with all of her heart", "100% committed", and CHOOSES TO BE WITH YOU bits.