Audi2000 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 So long story short (because it really isn't the issue), over a year ago my ex left me high in dry out of the blue. Basically taking my friends along with her. She is/was a model so I guess they figured following her would benefit them more. Basically I am that guy who can not approach anyone, due to shyness. I am extremely shy to the point where i guess no one cares to be around me lol. I am seeking advice on how to force myself out of this rut/shell. I mostly hide behind a camera and/or a TV with a great movie on HAHA. Most of my Online "friends" say just go out and start talking to people. But they seem to be missing the issue I have at hand lol. This advice is a failure in my eyes, considering I am afraid of rejection on any account. When I was younger 19-24 I really didnt have any issues with being fun and happy. But now that I am at the age I am at, it is a little harder to go out and meet serious people wanting a relationship. Dating sites didn't work, being hooked up by "friends" didn't work, so i am left feeling like I am destined to be alone lol. I will be that old man with no kids sitting on that porch smoking and drinking! But this is not what I want :/ HELP!! Link to post Share on other sites
Roadkill007 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 What are your interests? are there things that get you excited enough to sometimes get you over your shyness? Are these interests sociable in any way (like are there clubs for it, or etc). Being around things that relax but excite you is a good way to circumvent your shyness. Those online "friends" you have, do any of them live near you? It may be good practice for socialization to visit nearby ones. Hopefully they're "friends" enough to meet up for a coffee and chat, and hopefully it'll be the first step for you to get over your shyness/lack of initiation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Audi2000 Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Yea mainly Photography...and I looked up the clubs/groups for that. Most of them want money which I do not have at this point lol...and/or are older crowds that only share the photography interest. Which is fine I guess but I mean I would like to have a life outside it lol I guess I have a problem searching for things lol...I've never been good at googling stuff...I always end up with a long list of none sense HAHA and no most of my actual friends live far away. Seeing how Im not from here in this area. Just moved here Link to post Share on other sites
Jamone Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Basically I am that guy who can not approach anyone, due to shyness. I am extremely shy to the point where i guess no one cares to be around me lol. I am seeking advice on how to force myself out of this rut/shell. I mostly hide behind a camera and/or a TV with a great movie on HAHA. We're in the same boat mate...glad i'm not alone on this one. I've forced myself to join a meetup social group and i'm attending my first session tomorrow. My biggest fear about meeting ppl is not having anything to talk about, and people in return will find me uninteresting, but i've decided to bite the bullet and give it a go. I found this group online. Maybe you could look into something like that. Not looking for a relationship, just trying to develop my social skills, meet new people and try to have some fun while doing so. Worth a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
goldengirl11 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Well I'm feeling v similar to you also. We just have to get out there more I guess. I'm definitely going to try and meet more girl friends if I can, so that I can socialise better i.e to hopefully meet more men. It's a really awkward age to be! Link to post Share on other sites
Positivelyhappy88 Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone it will help you figure out exactly what you want. Eventually, you'll take the risk of being rejected when you feel its worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Vogeltron Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 This is what has helped me out. Get a gym membership. Preferably a 24 hour club if you can. It always gives you somewhere to go, even on Friday or Saturday night if you are feeling like a loser because you didn't get invited to go out and are just sitting there it gives you a place to go. Get away from the computer and the TV for a while. Go work out maybe try to shoot the brees with some people there. Just try striking up random conversations with people if you can. If you have to ask them about workout routines advice tips etc. It honestly sounds like you just need to get use to talking to random people again, all ages and all walks of life. I will say joining a gym is about the closest thing to work/school seeing the same cluster of people on a semi regular basis. There are some steroid body builder gyms but then there are probably more that are casual and people go to socialize and all that stuff. Even if you aren't big into working out, I have met people who just go chat it up in the Suana or Steam Room. Don't even work out. For me I was always one of those I guess you would say shy never really felt comfortable around people. I started out by getting use to socializing with people there and it has just kinda spilled over to all aspects of life. For me I use to be terrified to talk to people, especially women. Slowly but surely it has become less and less the case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Caryopteris Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Here where I am, guys socialize with each other by working out, either at the gym or in some neighborhood garage where some other guy has equipment and works out. They hunt and/or fish. They go out for a beer and play pool. They go to live music spots around town. They do meet-up groups for hiking or biking. They do some sort of organized runs downtown. Frisbee golf. You just need to meet a guy here and there that's in the same boat. You have to strike up conversations. Be in shape and wear clothes that fit and look good on you and have somebody to talk to and the women may come up to you. My boyfriend gets hit on all the time. He is fearless while most of the guys he works with are shy. If there is a pretty woman in a waiting room and all the guys are hanging back and won't meet her eyes, he makes sure to sit right next to her and strike up a conversation. Usually they enjoy this and are very happy to talk to him. We think flirting is fun, and we still engage in it even though we don't follow through. Try not to be afraid of pretty women. The nice ones will react nicely and the mean ones won't. You don't want to get to know the mean ones anyway, so don't worry about it! Link to post Share on other sites
Zulnex Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I am in the same situation (social anxiety and shyness). I agree that joining groups and clubs which may interest you is a good idea. Considering some counseling is also good. Many people have advised me that finding a counselor would be a first step. Therefore, I am currently in the process of finding a counselor that can help me deal with my issues. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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