Am I being too jealous/ creating an imaginary scenario??

[CassOblanka]

Hi guys,

I'd really appreciate some advice on this. So I started seeing this really nice guy a few weeks ago (not long I know) but we've been hanging out a lot and I'm starting to really like him. We haven't spoken about being exclusive but I think it will inevitably end up going that way. So last night he was out and we had been texting most of the day. The texts became more sporadic the later it got and I was totally fine with that because he was out and having a good time. So we were joking about the 'talent' that was in the bar where he was and I kind of got a little bit suspicious and then after 11 pm he just stopped texting back completely. I still haven't heard from him today. I feel this is kind of complicated because we havent laid down any ground rules but I figure he would definitely know I would be hurt if he hooked up with anyone else... I'm supposed to be staying over in his tonight but I dont wanna sleep in a bed that he possibly had sex with someone else in? Do I have a right to ask him about this? Am I completely over reacting? I would really appreciate any advice thanks guys

[Darren Steez]

Does he know you want to be exclusive? You say it will inevitably head that way..maybe, but you're not there yet..you've just started "hanging out" You're seeing hearts and romance and your future together, and he might not be there yet.

 

If he's gone out to have some fun with buddies then the last thing you want to do is be on the phone all night texting someone else, you might drink alot go hang and pass out. Just playing devils advocate

 

Also a little early to be so suspicious, it's cool not to be naive about stuff but you've assumed something already and that's not a good sign.

[AverageCat]

a) Talk to him tonight about being exclusive.

b) Don't assume stupid stuff, just cuz he didn't txt back.

 

Let me give you a fact: It's a lot harder to get a ONS than most girls thing.

[pbjbear]

The guys here will tell you theres nothing you can do about it because youre not exclusive and hes a guy and will want sex. However, Ive frequented these forums alot and whenever a girl does this before shes exclusive with a guy they flame her and say "she must not be really into me and its slutty" but with the reverse situation posted they think its fine for a guy to sleep with a whore before being exclusive and it doesnt necessarily mean he doesnt like you either.

 

Dont listen to them, if he did sleep with this girl...he obviously doesnt like you as much as you like him and you can move on.

[AnotherRound]

Yep - you have every right to ask him. Especially if you are having sexual intimacy with him - like JAP said - it's your right to protect yourself from STDs. You can be sexually exclusive (and it's something I require in my relationships) but not exclusive. Then, if he finds someone he wants to have sex with, he doesn't get to have sex with you (unless you trust protection). It really is a matter of physical health and he doesn't have a right to put your health at risk - even if he swears he could tell she didn't have any diseases.

 

But - just be aware - if you ask him about this and he has no desire to be exclusive with you, he MIGHT freak out at the exclusive thing. It has only been a couple of weeks. But, try not to let your imagination run wild - or turn into super-snooper USA - NOBODY likes that girl, I promise!

 

Just be honest and up front and be ready for him to react in a few different ways. Besides, if he's going to be shady, better to find out now than after marriage and kids and a house and all that jazz that makes it so hard to get out of a relationship that's not working.

[sayyes19]

Yep - you have every right to ask him. Especially if you are having sexual intimacy with him - like JAP said - it's your right to protect yourself from STDs. You can be sexually exclusive (and it's something I require in my relationships) but not exclusive. Then, if he finds someone he wants to have sex with, he doesn't get to have sex with you (unless you trust protection). It really is a matter of physical health and he doesn't have a right to put your health at risk - even if he swears he could tell she didn't have any diseases.

 

But - just be aware - if you ask him about this and he has no desire to be exclusive with you, he MIGHT freak out at the exclusive thing. It has only been a couple of weeks. But, try not to let your imagination run wild - or turn into super-snooper USA - NOBODY likes that girl, I promise!

 

Just be honest and up front and be ready for him to react in a few different ways. Besides, if he's going to be shady, better to find out now than after marriage and kids and a house and all that jazz that makes it so hard to get out of a relationship that's not working.

My fiance pinned me down about being exclusive because she was worried that I might be banging other girls. She was ready to leave the relationship if I turned that down. I'm glad I wasn't. I feel like if you get scared at being exclusive than you are not meant to be with that person. Not that I wasn't still "scared" when I made that decision.

[MollyMarvelous]

1. Needy is not sexy - make sure you don't seem like you're staulking him already lol, if you were out with your gfs and this dude kept texting you and wanting to know what was up, you'd be turned off by him too. I wouldn't even bring up that night.

 

2. If he is really into you, he should be EXCITED you want to be his girlfriend.

 

3. If he is sleeping with other girls, ew, you don't want that anyway. His focus should be completely on you so early in the relationship if there is gonna be a future.

 

Good luck, hope he's a keeper!

[CassOblanka]

Thanks for all the opinions guys. I still haven't had any kind of conversation with him about making things more exclusive... it is still quite soon. Although I do agree that I think I have a right to know if he's having sex with other girls... like it should be common decency not to **** random people if you're having consistent sex with someone else? I do however feel that bringing that up seems like Im asking for some kind of big commitment from him and I do not want to come across as needy.

[NervisPervis]

I can't tell you HOW to talk to him, but talk to him you must. If he doesn't want to be exclusive with you, you need to know it so you can move on. On the other hand, you can continue to fear the results of that convo, continue to avoid it, and continue to be his plan B forever.

 

Your choice. But if you choose to "stay the course..."

 

Condoms, condoms, condoms.

[chelsea2011]

Thanks for all the opinions guys. I still haven't had any kind of conversation with him about making things more exclusive... it is still quite soon. Although I do agree that I think I have a right to know if he's having sex with other girls... like it should be common decency not to **** random people if you're having consistent sex with someone else? I do however feel that bringing that up seems like Im asking for some kind of big commitment from him and I do not want to come across as needy.

 

Don't ever be afraid of asking for what is important to you. If he doesn't like it then he is not the right fit for you anyway.