Is this strange ??

[Bren]

Last night my boyfriend said that he wanted to go to his friends house - I dont like this friend - but anyways, he said that he wanted to watch soccer with him. So he went and I went to our local shopping center with my sister. I saw him there with his friend, as I was watching him, i knew that he saw me, and he was tring to hide. When I went up to speak to him, he wanted to get rid of me. When i spoke to him later he said that they went there to get some stuff for a BBQ. Then he got all defensive and said why should he have to explain to me.

 

I then sent him a SMS asking him why he lied and why he tried to hide. When I called him later he yelled at me, and again said why should I explain to you.

 

I have been with him 4 years. Whats going on? Why is he lying to me ???

[Tony T]

He may not have lied to you. He could have switched plans. Or he could have gone to get some things at the shopping center to use back at his friend's house.

 

You have to respect his need for some space. If he told you he was going to be with a friend, that's what he wanted to do. However, it was very rude of him not to acknowledge you when he saw you at the center. That is puzzling behavior but it still doesn't seem he had anything to hide. People change their minds all the time.

 

I don't think your message was properly worded or appropriate. It seems a bit harsh. And if he really did something wrong, it would make him become highly defensive. If he didn't do anything wrong, the message would be highly offensive. These types of questions should have been posed nicely, but in different words, in person. You should have said, "I thought you were going to watch soccer. I guess you changed your minds and went to the shopping center?" Or you could have said, "Did you go to the shopping center to get barbecue so you could eat during the soccer game?"

 

You could have also said, "It seemed to me like you were trying to hide from me at the shopping center. You never have to do that." Then you could have waited to see what his response was. In the future, NEVER put people on the defensive or you will get no good results or information out of them at all. They will simply shut down.

 

If you have been together for four years and have this type of serious communication problem, I suggest you review this relationship very carefully. Either a major mountain has been made of a sandpile or your boyfriend is up to no good.

 

If your communications were good in the relationship, you would quickly know exactly what the story is.

[deep]

he is gay.......and is not ready to come out or he could just be on some ego trip tring to impress his friends that he wears the pants and not you.....goodluck! and rememeber cumunication is the 1# key to a great relationship....

Last night my boyfriend said that he wanted to go to his friends house - I dont like this friend - but anyways, he said that he wanted to watch soccer with him. So he went and I went to our local shopping center with my sister. I saw him there with his friend, as I was watching him, i knew that he saw me, and he was tring to hide. When I went up to speak to him, he wanted to get rid of me. When i spoke to him later he said that they went there to get some stuff for a BBQ. Then he got all defensive and said why should he have to explain to me. I then sent him a SMS asking him why he lied and why he tried to hide. When I called him later he yelled at me, and again said why should I explain to you. I have been with him 4 years. Whats going on? Why is he lying to me ???

[Tony T]

That he is gay is a pretty wild take on this, but certainly a possibility.

 

I would say that if he was gay, you certainly should have picked up on some clues after being with him for four years.

 

What you posted does not necessarilly indicate to me that he is gay but it sounds like deep has some kind of inside track on homosexuality because the post is very positive and to the point.

 

You need to proceed with caution here before arriving at your own conclusions.

[Deejette]

I don't like the fact that he was trying to hide from you. That is not a good sign. He could have come up to you and said, "Hi, how great to see you, honey, the dudes and I were getting some stuff together for the BBQ. I'll be home at such and such a time and I'll give you a call."

 

But he was trying to hide and to lie, so it might be best to tell him you have doubts about the relationship and that you really need an explanation, other than anger. Anger is a good way for cheaters to take the heat off of themselves and put it onto the accuser.

That he is gay is a pretty wild take on this, but certainly a possibility. I would say that if he was gay, you certainly should have picked up on some clues after being with him for four years. What you posted does not necessarilly indicate to me that he is gay but it sounds like deep has some kind of inside track on homosexuality because the post is very positive and to the point. You need to proceed with caution here before arriving at your own conclusions.