Is he fishing, and should I directly answer him?

[Star Gazer]

Congrats Star. It seems like he is following suit.

 

I hope so.

 

The plan was for him to pick me up at the airport tomorrow when I return, and I'm feeling a little nervous that he'll forget or something, and I don't want to nag/remind him. :/

[kaylan]

Working this backwards, he began his last relationship at around 28 or 29. Four years later, he would have been 32 or 33 when she cheated. What's interesting is the timing of her cheating and the timing of when he was about to propose. Why would it take so long for him to propose, factoring in the age he began his last relationship and how perfect it was?

 

As you can probably tell, I've clocked into analyst mode. The reason for it is because this guy gives off the LS "nice guy" vibe. Notice how there's nothing wrong with him and that he's setup how he wishes you to behave, to prove yourself to him?

 

I'm not sure how open he's being with you but it's possible he hasn't done much soul-searching about himself, so his behaviour might be a result of projection and defense mechanisms.

Whats wrong with taking a few years to get to truly know someone? Marriage is pretty serious, and good thing this dude didnt rush it. Dunno why hes being criticized for that.

 

And when people first start dating, they BOTH put their best foot forward, and they both should have the other person prove themselves to one another. Especially after what happened to the dude, I see nothing wrong with him wanting a girl to prove herself.

 

However, I will say hes moving somewhat fast.

[amaysngrace]

He is moving way too fast. Doesn't he have anything else going on in his life?

 

And he's doing everything so text book. It's sounds like he's trying real hard to do everything right.

 

You could expect that from a guy in his 20s maybe but by mid-30s he should be taking time to do his own thing, right?

 

Something seems off.

[Ariadne]

The plan was for him to pick me up at the airport tomorrow when I return, and I'm feeling a little nervous that he'll forget or something, and I don't want to nag/remind him. :/

 

Yes, see what he does because he sure says the right things.

 

Still, it´s kind of soon for big commitments since you´ve only dated him a few times.

[Star Gazer]

He is moving way too fast. Doesn't he have anything else going on in his life?

 

And he's doing everything so text book. It's sounds like he's trying real hard to do everything right.

 

You could expect that from a guy in his 20s maybe but by mid-30s he should be taking time to do his own thing, right?

 

Something seems off.

 

Totally confused.

 

What about any part of this makes you think he's got nothing else going on in his life? That couldn't be farther from the truth...

[Star Gazer]

Yes, see what he does because he sure says the right things.

 

Still, it´s kind of soon for big commitments since you´ve only dated him a few times.

 

I'm not looking for or expecting a "commitment" yet. Don't worry.

[Star Gazer]

However, I will say hes moving somewhat fast.

 

Really? How so? He hasn't done or asked for anything.

[kaylan]

The things he says to you, his thought processes....just seem to much for 2 dates. I mean...I try not to talk about exes with a girl I just met. Seems too much for me.

 

However, if you think the pace is fine...than its fine. Roll with it and have fun. If nothing is much bothering you, than its a non-issue.

[Star Gazer]

The things he says to you, his thought processes....just seem to much for 2 dates. I mean...I try not to talk about exes with a girl I just met. Seems too much for me.

 

However, if you think the pace is fine...than its fine. Roll with it and have fun. If nothing is much bothering you, than its a non-issue.

 

I don't get bothered when guys talk about what they're looking for in a relationship, while referencing past relationships as examples of what they don't want or what they do want. Meh.

 

What's bothering me is not knowing if he'll be there tomorrow to pick me up.

[amaysngrace]

Totally confused.

 

What about any part of this makes you think he's got nothing else going on in his life? That couldn't be farther from the truth...

 

Well that he's checking up on your match account and reading what other people are saying and commenting to you about it.

 

First it's none of his business and that it's bothering him enough to bring it up screams insecure or controlling.

 

Second he has all this time to check up on it even though its none of his business but that says he's got nothing else to do with his time.

 

Not that you aren't an intriguing subject, don't get me wrong, but it just seems odd.

 

Has he planned for you two to go do something in two months from now? When he does that, run.

 

And what's with him picking you up at the airport? You never knew this person two weeks ago and now all of a sudden he's going to have you relying on him? You're an independent person Star.

 

Is he?

[Star Gazer]

Well that he's checking up on your match account and reading what other people are saying and commenting to you about it.

 

First it's none of his business and that it's bothering him enough to bring it up screams insecure or controlling.

 

Second he has all this time to check up on it even though its none of his business but that says he's got nothing else to do with his time.

 

It takes two seconds to log into Match, and if checking to see if someone has logged in means that he has no life...then I don't either.

 

Has he planned for you two to go do something in two months from now? When he does that, run.

 

Huh? Why?

 

And what's with him picking you up at the airport? You never knew this person two weeks ago and now all of a sudden he's going to have you relying on him? You're an independent person Star.

 

Is he?

 

Trust that he knows I'm independent.

 

Did you read the OP? We were talking about the "little things" in relationships that we like/wish we had, and I told him that with as much as I travel, I've always wanted a guy to be there for me at the airport on occasion, and his response was, "When's your next flight?" and we made plans for him to be there. Later in another conversation, he said he'd take me to the airport too if I wanted. It's not at all about being dependent or independent - it's about him doing something nice for me that he knows I'd appreciate.

[amaysngrace]

It takes two seconds to log into Match, and if checking to see if someone has logged in means that he has no life...then I don't either.

 

Huh? Why?

 

Trust that he knows I'm independent.

 

Did you read the OP? We were talking about the "little things" in relationships that we like/wish we had, and I told him that with as much as I travel, I've always wanted a guy to be there for me at the airport on occasion, and his response was, "When's your next flight?" and we made plans for him to be there. Later in another conversation, he said he'd take me to the airport too if I wanted. It's not at all about being dependent or independent - it's about him doing something nice for me that he knows I'd appreciate.

 

If you're comfortable with all of that then good.

 

Yes it's nice of him to pick you up at the airport but to me it's weird. Not yet. Maybe next time if you're still together but it seems like you're jumping into big steps in a relationship to me.

 

I just think its best to take it slow but if you like rushing in then that's what works for you. I'm just surprised that anybody can just incorporate another human being into their life so easily and in a pretty big way without really knowing that much about the person at all.

[Star Gazer]

If you're comfortable with all of that then good.

 

Yes it's nice of him to pick you up at the airport but to me it's weird. Not yet. Maybe next time if you're still together but it seems like you're jumping into big steps in a relationship to me.

 

I just think its best to take it slow but if you like rushing in then that's what works for you. I'm just surprised that anybody can just incorporate another human being into their life so easily and in a pretty big way without really knowing that much about the person at all.

 

I fail to see how I've incorporated him into my life. Why, because he offered to pick me up from the airport? Really?

[FitChick]

On a practical note, I'd send him my flight # and arrival time and maybe a link to the airlines page where you can track if your plane will be late or on time. So many planes are late these days. Are you flying out of or into possible bad weather? That's a good excuse for your concern. You are being thoughtful of his time and not worried he'll forget to pick you up.

[amaysngrace]

I fail to see how I've incorporated him into my life. Why, because he offered to pick me up from the airport? Really?

 

Yeah really. I think it's fast to be depending on him for anything. You guys barely know each other.

 

I don't know...people have to earn my trust before I'd trust them. You yourself were questioning if he'll show but don't want to remind him because that would be awkward to ask.

 

I don't think you even trust him. And how could you really? You hardly even know him.

 

I think when you depend on someone to pick you up you should at least be comfortable enough with that person to be able to remind them without worrying if you will offend them.

[tuxedo cat]

has he texted you about the flight to confirm?

[Divasu]

I'm still wondering how long you've known him for?

A week, a month, two months?

Granted, sometimes when it's 'right', it's right. If it's a week, and your feeling anxious already, I'd conclude the pace is too fast.

 

I know each person is different. For me, 'anxiety' sets in usually close to the two month mark and it's usually brought on by something that I perceive as negative. So, pay attention to your perception of things and what it is founded on, if possible.

[Star Gazer]

TC: Yes, he's confirmed.

 

V: About 3 weeks.

[Kamille]

 

The plan was for him to pick me up at the airport tomorrow when I return, and I'm feeling a little nervous that he'll forget or something, and I don't want to nag/remind him. :/

 

 

Oh! SG, are you a nag?

 

You know, my take is this: your job right now is to behave how you want to behave, without questioning yourself so much - or worrying about how he perceives you.

 

You can't mess this up SG. If you trust in yourself and behave in ways that represent you, who you are and what you want, the worse thing that will happen is that you will find out he's not the right guy for you. Basically, you want to find the guy who just loves you for exactly who you are. Worrying about his perceptions won't help you find that guy.

 

This doesn't mean "rush in". This means you're the compass of what you want to do, and what feels right for you. Not him.

[amaysngrace]

This doesn't mean "rush in". This means you're the compass of what you want to do, and what feels right for you. Not him.

 

.............

[Star Gazer]

Oh! SG, are you a nag?

 

You know, my take is this: your job right now is to behave how you want to behave, without questioning yourself so much - or worrying about how he perceives you.

 

You can't mess this up SG. If you trust in yourself and behave in ways that represent you, who you are and what you want, the worse thing that will happen is that you will find out he's not the right guy for you. Basically, you want to find the guy who just loves you for exactly who you are. Worrying about his perceptions won't help you find that guy.

 

This doesn't mean "rush in". This means you're the compass of what you want to do, and what feels right for you. Not him.

 

Thanks for the reminder, Kam.

[Star Gazer]

Well, he picked me up from the airport and upon taking me home to drop me off, ended things.

 

He said there's another girl he's interested in that he wants to pursue. They haven't even been out on an official date, just hanging out in their mutual group of friends. She's a bartender at the bar he frequents. He said the spark happened between them on Friday night (he dropped me off at the airport for my trip on Friday). He said that because they're mutual friends, dating her is "easier" and he just wants to try and see where that goes. He doesn't want to be a guy who dates two people at once, so he wants me to just "leave it alone."

 

I'm disappointed, but hey, it was 2 dates, so I'm not exactly crushed.

[tbf]

That's really unfortunate.

 

But at least he was honest about it after two dates.

[amaysngrace]

I think you just dodged a bullet...a BIG one.

[Star Gazer]

I think you just dodged a bullet...a BIG one.

 

I don't think I did, honestly. I'm really disappointed.

 

He said that me telling him that I was only dating him made him "clam up" and made him feel pressured like he had to make a decision... and so he made one.