what do I do?

[lostsouluk]

I'm 24 I have a 3 year old son and yeah I probably do know I need help but I don't know what to do or where to start!!

 

Firstly i have been abusing codeine in very high doses on and off for 2 years never been physically addicted but I have always looked forward to putting in monthly repeat prescription what I do is get my monthly prescription of 30 tablets of codeine phospahte 30 mg and do them all in under a week, I'm abusing cocaine about 2 or 3 times a week using about 2 grams a time sometimes less sometimes more normally at the weekends but recently been in the weekdays too! Sometimes my cocaine comedown has been so bad I have used mdma to ease it sometimes I use both cocaine and mdma and in the past have done all three!! I have abused benzodiazepines in the past and as time has gone on it seems I might not be physically addicted to any drug but I'm always constantly on one and if I'm not the maximum time I seem to be drug free is for a week and that's becoming less and less often!! The more and more time has gone on the harder I'm finding dealing with life without being high now I just don't know what to do I feel if I don't do them I will just cry all the time and that I'm actually better off just taking drugs!! I know I'm playing with fire and I love my son to bits but I'm really struggling to stop!! I don't look like a drug user and I take great care of my appearance and I exercise regulaly and I know a part of my does all this stuff to take car of myself so I can feel better abvout my drug use if you get that? Anyways what should I do? Where do you think I should go from here? What help do you think I need? Also I'm scared to talk to someone because I have my son I'm scared he would get taken away! Me and his dad are seperated but he is a great dad and I have been great at hiding my drug use I know if I needed to go away and get help he would take our son for a while I'm just scared of me talking to someone and then have social services at my door within hours to take him!! My son had never witnessed any of my drug use although i have been high on codeine around him and have done my cocaine use in the night but yes I won't lie it has effected him some days after a night I have been so down and feeling very ill I have not been able to take him nursery!! I didn't want this or plan for my life and things to be like this the thing that hurts the most is my son and deservs a better mum than this I just feel stuck!! Please just your thought some support anything! Thanks for taking your time to read this

[Phoebe]

You will probably find that Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information is a better place to post. You seem to get a lot more responses there in regards to addiction than you do on LS. Good luck.