rgpgdg Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 hi, it sounds like your wife is lost right now. i don't even think she knows who she is or what she wants. maybe when you see her you two can see where things go. the prospect of being a single parent is scary. i have thought of that several times myself. i'm kind of on the other end of it though. my husband had a one night stand while i'm here eight months pregnant with twins. he also works for the government and travels alot. sometimes the age thing does play some role in it. i'm almost ten years younger than my husband and we don't see eye to eye on some things. maybe she is beyond repair but maybe not. you haven't been married long and you have been gone most of it so maybe there is a chance. too bad you have to deal with this while you are away and there isn't much you can do from there. so that alone for both of you is very frustrating and you do need to do what's right for your daughter. everything i believe will work itself out eventually for the best. just turn it over and leave it in gods hands.......sorry for the religion..........hang in there and watch out for yourself over there......thoughts of seeing your daughter again will get you through it...........thanks for doing what you do for us over there................. Link to post Share on other sites
booboobear Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I can really understand your feelings. I went through most of them after my long-time girlfriend and former fiance dropped the bomb on me that she wanted "to experience what it's like to make out with a guy who has a tongue ring" and so broke up with me so she wouldn't feel like she was cheating when she did it, hoping that we would get back together and everything would be fine. I told her, it wouldn't ever be fine, because I knew she was going to have sex with the guy. Sure enough, she got pregnant, and of course it later came out that she'd been screwing around with that guy and others for years behind my back. I know that it's nothing like having a wife cheat on you, but her background was similar: mother was a whore, father a deadbeat, all older siblings in prison, abuse, eventual state custody, foster homes, years of therapy, etc. I know why you married the girl, the same reason I almost married this one...because she saw something in you that she knew she lacked herself, and thought that by being with you it would rub off on her. Reality check for her: if you bring nothing to a relationship, you get nothing positive back. After her I came across another girl similar to her, and the second time was able to avoid a potential disaster. Here's the warning signs: if she talks about how other females accuse her of having relations with their boyfriends (stear clear of this one like the black death), she is often drunk or likes to talk about getting drunk as a positive experience, when discussing the nature of her interaction with men often uses the euphamism "I don't see anything wrong with it" (if she can't see it's wrong, then she should see your back as you walk out the door), she takes pride in engaging in inapropriate behavior, she is financially irresponsible, she wants to have a baby but is herself too imature to raise it, complains about work to no end and views/portrays her superiors as dictatorial/mean towards her, and the biggest red flag is if she ever admits cheating in a previous relationship and/or has a habbit of talking about her ex-beaus. Also, if she claims to be a virgin but acts in a sexually charged way towards you, she ain't a virgin. These are all signs of a maturity problem. To anyone who reads this, if you're dating someone and you notice three or more of the things I mentioned, do yourself a favor and dump her, do it gently, but do it promptly before you do something that's going to affect the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
1money3 Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 While my ex-husband of 10 yrs was in IRAQ, he stated messing around with his female sergeant. She was his driver lol! I was back in the states being faithful and supporting my husband. Half of the time I was so worried about his getting hurt. It was nerve wreaking. Then the hammer fell. The week before he returned, he called me and stated that he didn't want to be married to be anymore. He was unhappy with me and was not in love with me, but he cared about me. He stated he wanted both of us to be happy! I was devastated. He didn't notify me of the date of his arrival. He just showed up with his friends saw his daughter and left! His statement to me when I asked him why he was doing this was " You need to move on. I don't love you. I didn't tell you to support me! He came home when he came to his senses and realized he couldn't continue the relationship with his sergeant because he is an officer and she reports to him. Six months later, while he was TAD, he called me on the phone and told me he didn't think our marriage was working. A woman gets on the phone and said "**** He is here with me so you need to let him go!" I was in total shock! I don't know how long I sit there but I remember calling my mother and just crying that whole night. The next day, he called to talk to his daughter and told me I need to get over it! He doesn't want me. He doesn't love me and that I need to move on. He moved into an apartment with the female officer and her son. We are currently going through divorce and he is heading back to IRAQ at the beginning of the year. Hopefully, she will support him. I certainly won't. I am not mad at the female officer. However, I am mad at him. He was the one that had taken vows with me. But I guess vows doesn't mean a thing these days. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 I really feel sorry for you. However, this is not going to be the end of the world for you. You have your daughter, mother and a circle of good friends and supporters who will continue to love you for who you are. Soon he will realize, like many who did before, that relationships which start like the one he is in right now will not go on for ever. You need to take your time, keep yourself busy and move on with your own life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
move on Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 this is so unfair to you. you are doing a great service for our country and had enough to worry about in iraq. then you have to come home to THIS?? you deserve better. since she is wild like a stallion, id suggest getting custody of the child and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
not all girls Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 i was married when i was 19 because i was in love and pregnant. never once cheated on my husband. i just wanted to let you know that not all women carry those wild attributes. eventually you will find someone who is at your level. good luck and i respect your service to the country. Link to post Share on other sites
Concern Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 A wife who cheats is not a wife you want to keep. A wife who cheats while her husband is off fighting a war to keep her and her lover's ass safe is worth a beat down. Come home, take a DNA test with your daughter (you don't know how long it's been going on), divorce her, take her to the bank, and good riddence. Oh yeah, if I were you, I'd thank her "friend" for showing you what kind of person she is and taking her off your hands. You don't want your daughter to grow up learning behaviors like that. Link to post Share on other sites
sadhubby Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 i prey for you ...thank god for heros like you stay safe ..get help from your family to get your child under custody and drop kik that smacktard ..what a loser she is..man im just sick hearing this story.. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 Bipolar disorder and childhood abuse does not give a person a free pass to behave like a common prostitute. It doesn't give a pass for anything at all. I know. I've got rapid cycle BPD and well, the other catagory applies too. Cheating is a CHOICE. I get so tired of hearing people use their past or the body chemicals as an excuse to deny that basic fact. BPD does not say "hey, got getcha some as often as the urge strikes." You do not lose your mind completely - you just have a hell of a time keeping your emotions level. Choosing not to treat or be medicated is also just that - a choice. A diabetic person who chooses not to take his/her insulin and eat a truckload of chocolate is making a choice and will die from it. Diabetes is sad, it's unfortunate, and the person may have been born with it - but that's where the responsibility starts. I was also born with flat feet and knock knees, but you don't see me running around killing people using "duck disorder" as a defense. It's ridiculous. Please, look at her CHOICES, not her excuses. Aids is forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by New_Wife Bipolar disorder and childhood abuse does not give a person a free pass to behave like a common prostitute. It doesn't give a pass for anything at all. I know. I've got rapid cycle BPD and well, the other catagory applies too. Cheating is a CHOICE. I get so tired of hearing people use their past or the body chemicals as an excuse to deny that basic fact. BPD does not say "hey, got getcha some as often as the urge strikes." You do not lose your mind completely - you just have a hell of a time keeping your emotions level. Choosing not to treat or be medicated is also just that - a choice. A diabetic person who chooses not to take his/her insulin and eat a truckload of chocolate is making a choice and will die from it. Diabetes is sad, it's unfortunate, and the person may have been born with it - but that's where the responsibility starts. I was also born with flat feet and knock knees, but you don't see me running around killing people using "duck disorder" as a defense. It's ridiculous. Please, look at her CHOICES, not her excuses. Aids is forever. Very well said. I couldn't agree more. It is no excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 Sal Paradise said it right! Its seems more and more that people don't accept responsibility for their own actions.What's worse in my opinion is many times society accepts this behaviour. Keep strong!Wish you were not going through this! Link to post Share on other sites
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