Husband & I disagree on parenting styles which is causing tension between us!?

[Jaime]

My son just turned 3 and he is very well behaved when its just me and him, My husband is a firefighter and works shifts so he is gone alot but when he is not working and at home my son plays up on me all the time. The other day when i tried to put him in his car seat he kept moving and started kicking his legs making it really hard on me then he started screaming having a tantrum but settled when my husband told him to stop, My husband is an amazing dad and he spends as much time as he can with him but because he works alot he keeps giving into our son and feels nothing is ever good enough for him.

 

To give me a break my husband takes him out somewhere on his days off or we go out as a family. When my husband is working my son can be very good but when he leaves for work my kid sometimes starts screaming & crying, I get irritated with him and just have to walk away and sometimes even start crying, If he plays up especially in public when people are looking at me i panic and feel like a terrible mom, I have decided to enroll our son into Pre-School and have talked to my husband about it a few times but he doesn't want our son to attend preschool at all, and furthermore he thinks 3 years old is way too young for him to be sent off on his own, He will not even consider it because " none of our family members went" even though I try explain how good it will be for our son Its always just "No!", This is causing tension between us and I feel so peeved off with my husband.. Any advice on what to do would be great?

[pteromom]

1. You need to have realistic expectations of your son. At three years old, he is not going to act with logic and reason. You have to remember that he doesn't have the words to describe all his feelings, so his tantrum is his way of communicating his displeasure. It is NOT a manipulative tactic or conscious disobedience.

 

Once you internalize this knowledge, you'll find it much easier NOT to panic and get emotional yourself. Take these opportunities to model calm for your child. Take these opportunities to give him the words for what he's feeling and validate his feelings.

 

He is going to reflect your emotional state. If you stay calm and collected, tantrums will be shorter and less crazy. If you get emotional, you will be escalating the tantrum. Your goal... zen mom. In these moments, focus on your own breathing and on keeping your voice level and soft.

 

2. What is your husband's issue with preschool? Both of you have to realize it is not a permanent decision. You could start by trying it only 2 days a week for a few hours at a time. If you find it is helping him, increase it. If you find it is disrupting him, stop it and try again in six months. Approach it in this manner with your husband - that you just want to temporarily try it out and see if it helps your son's behavior or not. If your husband still won't consider it at all, ask what he WILL consider as a compromise.

[pteromom]

When it comes to things like putting him in his car seat, make it fun.

 

"I bet we can't run out to the car and get you in your carseat within 30 seconds!"

 

"I bet I can get in my seat in the car before you can get in yours!"

 

"Hey, let's get in the car so we can go (somewhere fun)! Yeah!!!!!"