the ex

[kimmi]

ok now out of no where a problem shows up that i do not expect, my ex is into something that i can not stand, his girlfriend calls me to say that he will not be herre to pick up my child for his weekend( her and i get along geat) he has this thing where he must leave for 3 days then returns, i and she know what he's doing (this caused the break up in the first place). now he is here sleeping on my couch. i went out and found him and said that we had to talk about things,( our daughter that is disabled). we went out had a few drinks and talked , (he has her) i told him that i wanted this back ( my daughter). anyways the problem is that i know that his girlfriend will ask me if he was here, she is so honest with me and really i respect her with all my heart but this is my childs father. I do not know what to say to her.the right thing is to tell her the truth, he was here.oh ya today is there 3rd year together. i feel bad. i did go and fimd him he was not looking for me.HELP!!!!!

 

i am in another relationship, if he asked me what i did tonight i woould tell him the truth but i am scared to to tell her because she is going ot help me get my daughter back. this sounds messed up because i am scared to lose his girlfriend as aa witness and a friend..

 

what to do????

 

please respond!!!!!

[Paulie]

Your daughter is your priority, first and foremost.

 

Having established that, I question what it is that your ex is into. Drugs? Sleeping around? My guess is drugs. But whatever it is, it sounds as if he's not the most fit parent. I admire your concern for your daughter. But just remember not to get too close to the girlfriend, keep her close, but not too close. When it comes to her man, she could TURN ON YOU IN A SECOND.

 

Also, I think you're underestimating the ability of the courts to see the shortcomings of this scumbag. Hell yeah, I think you should tell the girlfriend he was there if she asks. He has absolutely no business there except as it pertains to your daughter. You now have your own life, and have no need to cater to, or become wraped up in their relationship, whatsoever. If he asks that you cover up for him, you will have no part in that whatsoever. You're done catering to him, and it's time he shapen up and become a MAN, and the adult that he should be to be capable of being a decent father for your daughter.

 

Good Luck!

 

Paulie

[Ed]

You asked "What to do????"

 

I think you are already doing a pretty good job at juggling several complicated situations. I don't think you need a whole lot of advice...just some support.

 

I'm not real clear on some of the things you mentioned. Here is the way I understand it:

 

You and your ex have a child together. He has custody of the child, but you intend to change that. You have a boyfriend. Your ex has a girlfriend that either he lives with or she lives with him and you are on good terms with her. Your ex periodically disappears for 3 days at a time whenever he feels the urge. Do I have this right so far?

 

What to do about the girlfriend? You don't have to tell everything you know. But, what if she asks? If you don't tell her the truth, she will likely find out anyway. I don't think you have a problem with that. You seem to be more concerned with whether or not you should tell her, without her asking. There are several factors to consider before deciding what to do. - Does the girlfriend know what he does on his 3 day getaways? - Is she a jealous person? - Does she already suspect you and your ex are fooling around? It's hard to tell how she would take it. I don't know what else to say about it.

[Deejette]

He sounds like he might be playing both you and his girlfriend. Does he really care about your baby? That is the main question you have to ask yourself, because he is her Dad and he needs to take responsibility for being half the reason she is in this world.

You asked "What to do????" I think you are already doing a pretty good job at juggling several complicated situations. I don't think you need a whole lot of advice...just some support. I'm not real clear on some of the things you mentioned. Here is the way I understand it:

 

You and your ex have a child together. He has custody of the child, but you intend to change that. You have a boyfriend. Your ex has a girlfriend that either he lives with or she lives with him and you are on good terms with her. Your ex periodically disappears for 3 days at a time whenever he feels the urge. Do I have this right so far? What to do about the girlfriend? You don't have to tell everything you know. But, what if she asks? If you don't tell her the truth, she will likely find out anyway. I don't think you have a problem with that. You seem to be more concerned with whether or not you should tell her, without her asking. There are several factors to consider before deciding what to do. - Does the girlfriend know what he does on his 3 day getaways? - Is she a jealous person? - Does she already suspect you and your ex are fooling around? It's hard to tell how she would take it. I don't know what else to say about it.

[kimmi]

You asked "What to do????" I think you are already doing a pretty good job at juggling several complicated situations. I don't think you need a whole lot of advice...just some support. I'm not real clear on some of the things you mentioned. Here is the way I understand it:

 

You and your ex have a child together. He has custody of the child, but you intend to change that. You have a boyfriend. Your ex has a girlfriend that either he lives with or she lives with him and you are on good terms with her. Your ex periodically disappears for 3 days at a time whenever he feels the urge. Do I have this right so far? What to do about the girlfriend? You don't have to tell everything you know. But, what if she asks? If you don't tell her the truth, she will likely find out anyway. I don't think you have a problem with that. You seem to be more concerned with whether or not you should tell her, without her asking. There are several factors to consider before deciding what to do. - Does the girlfriend know what he does on his 3 day getaways? - Is she a jealous person? - Does she already suspect you and your ex are fooling around? It's hard to tell how she would take it. I don't know what else to say about it.

yes you do understand the situation very clear, her and i have became friends. not extreem friends but we takl everyday, and she has come to house a few times to have some fun. my concern is my daughter and i do not have any feelings for him except a friendship. he loves her with all his heart, yes she does know that he takes off, she is the one that tells me when he is gone. really i know that i have to be honest with her because her and i do not lie to eachother. we support eachother with the things that we do in life. i will tell her, oh ya no she knows the extent that i feel for him and she also knows that i am there for the both of them, they both know that i do not wish to harm the relationship in any way.

 

thanks for the responce.

 

kimmi

[kimmi]

He sounds like he might be playing both you and his girlfriend. Does he really care about your baby? That is the main question you have to ask yourself, because he is her Dad and he needs to take responsibility for being half the reason she is in this world.

he loves his daughter with all his heart, he is a very hurt person that has not over come everything our daughter has went though, i on the other hand can handle the stress of the hospitals, emergancys and so forth.

 

i was asking if i should tell his girlfriend that he is at my place? i do knnow that i have to ,we are good frends and i willl not lie to her to cover him up.

 

thank you for the responce

 

kimmi

[kimmi]

Your daughter is your priority, first and foremost. Having established that, I question what it is that your ex is into. Drugs? Sleeping around? My guess is drugs. But whatever it is, it sounds as if he's not the most fit parent. I admire your concern for your daughter. But just remember not to get too close to the girlfriend, keep her close, but not too close. When it comes to her man, she could TURN ON YOU IN A SECOND. Also, I think you're underestimating the ability of the courts to see the shortcomings of this scumbag. Hell yeah, I think you should tell the girlfriend he was there if she asks. He has absolutely no business there except as it pertains to your daughter. You now have your own life, and have no need to cater to, or become wraped up in their relationship, whatsoever. If he asks that you cover up for him, you will have no part in that whatsoever. You're done catering to him, and it's time he shapen up and become a MAN, and the adult that he should be to be capable of being a decent father for your daughter. Good Luck! Paulie

he is a very good father to my child, he does love her with all that he is, he has not dealt with the disability's as of yet. she is 9 years old and she was born with this. i know that i have to tell her , ya i just need the support from somewhere. i do not want to lose her as a friend, no she will not think anything, she may be mad for a bit but that would be it.

 

thank you kimmi

[Deejette]

I think, because you are so close to her and a good friend, you should tell her. She will respect you for it.

yes you do understand the situation very clear, her and i have became friends. not extreem friends but we takl everyday, and she has come to house a few times to have some fun. my concern is my daughter and i do not have any feelings for him except a friendship. he loves her with all his heart, yes she does know that he takes off, she is the one that tells me when he is gone. really i know that i have to be honest with her because her and i do not lie to eachother. we support eachother with the things that we do in life. i will tell her, oh ya no she knows the extent that i feel for him and she also knows that i am there for the both of them, they both know that i do not wish to harm the relationship in any way. thanks for the responce. kimmi

[Ed]

In that case, tell her what has happened no this particular 3 day outing. It sounds like she will understand.

 

I think your daughter would be off living with you too. If that happens, maybe he will take that time to do some healing.

[kimmi]

I think, because you are so close to her and a good friend, you should tell her. She will respect you for it.

well i told her this afternoon and she was not mad with me at all , she really trusts me and knows in her heart that i would do nothing to harm there relationship. like it was said before, she would have found out, i also told him that i was going ot get my daughter back into my care, if i have to i would take him to court, it's up to him..

 

thank you

 

kimmi

[kimmi]

In that case, tell her what has happened no this particular 3 day outing. It sounds like she will understand. I think your daughter would be off living with you too. If that happens, maybe he will take that time to do some healing.

i hope that he will i only wish people the best even when they are messed up with personal things. i believe that he will do the right thing because his daughter is his world

 

thank you

 

kimmi

[cj]

ok now out of no where a problem shows up that i do not expect, my ex is into something that i can not stand, his girlfriend calls me to say that he will not be herre to pick up my child for his weekend( her and i get along geat) he has this thing where he must leave for 3 days then returns, i and she know what he's doing (this caused the break up in the first place). now he is here sleeping on my couch. i went out and found him and said that we had to talk about things,( our daughter that is disabled). we went out had a few drinks and talked , (he has her) i told him that i wanted this back ( my daughter). anyways the problem is that i know that his girlfriend will ask me if he was here, she is so honest with me and really i respect her with all my heart but this is my childs father. I do not know what to say to her.the right thing is to tell her the truth, he was here.oh ya today is there 3rd year together. i feel bad. i did go and fimd him he was not looking for me.HELP!!!!! i am in another relationship, if he asked me what i did tonight i woould tell him the truth but i am scared to to tell her because she is going ot help me get my daughter back. this sounds messed up because i am scared to lose his girlfriend as aa witness and a friend.. what to do???? please respond!!!!!

 

it is your child make that clear to her and you are the mother and not she. do it all out of respect explain to her

 

that her mother needs her to fill her live