Grinning Maniac Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 No. No. NO. Please don't say anything to your "baby daddy". Because both you and I KNOW you will slip in something at the last minute that will imply that you actually do want him and the **** will hit the fan. As everyone here has been saying, if he cared so much, where was he for 14 years??? That's five years shy of the entire span of my life! Don't go being so stupid as to sh*t all over a man who loves you for a CHANCE at "getting back" something that may or may not even work out! You don't even have the right. He's married too. Leave the guy alone. Christ... Don't let fuzzy bullsh*t emotion override what is the obviously logical choice here. Let the guy see his daughter, but socialize with him as LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. Something tells me if you're around this guy all the time, you'll do something particulary stupid like blow him 2 minutes before his wife comes home or something. Danger Will Robinson...Danger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grnjello Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 Love your response Maniac. I will say though, i will take the advice, but i dont know if i will be able to keep my mouth shut for long. I have alot of things i want to say to him now. Like where hes been and why he hasnt tried to contact her before now. and why didnt he love me enough to fight for me when i was pushing him away... and why didnt he just give it a few months to settle or even a year and THEN try to work it out with me. that right there makes it look like i am still pining after him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grnjello Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 How old is your daughter? Once she is a teen or older and can handle visits w/out you she can resume her relationship if they wish. she is 14. but she had never met him until recently. so thats why shes not comfortable being by herself with him. hes a total stranger to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tracy Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 You can say enough to get some sh** off your chest....like why wasn't he around to be a father to his daughter....that kinda stuff. Don't get into anything about you and him though....that's over and done. Def don't say anything about how you've been "wondering what if".... Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Originally posted by Grnjello she is 14. but she had never met him until recently. so thats why shes not comfortable being by herself with him. 14 yrs ago.... I'm up to speed now Write a letter w/your ?'s on his no contact and life etc.. That way you won't get caught up in the heat of the conversation and spill too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grnjello Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 Lord Faye, i think i might get caught up in a letter worse than i would in person! We used to write to each other very briefly after i pushed him away. He went to Florida (16 hours from me) to stay with his dad for a while to get away from everything going on here and get his mind sorted out. My rejecting him was very hard on him and it was easier for him to deal with it if he knew he couldnt just drive over and see me. But we wrote back & forth, mostly to hurt each other's feelings, especially on my part. i tried to make him look like it was his choice to leave, and he would kindly respond and say he would leave me alone. but i wrote some hateful letters. i wouldnt have been so hateful if i didnt really love him. does that make sense? i was upset. and mean. and i hate that i did that to him. but i cant change it now. But i can express my feelings better in writing than face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grnjello Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 Geez. i just read my own post and it looks clear as day that i am being driven by guilt. I feel so guilty for doing him the way i did and wronging him like i did, that i am creating feelings for him. I'm an ***hole. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Well - there is nothing wrong w/telling your husband you want answers for why he hasn't called his daughter for so long. Therefore- write the letter and make yourself give it to your husband to look over. ( you can tell him you just want his opinion on if it is worded properly) If anything in the letter makes you hesitate to give it to your husband- then you should not give it to your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grnjello Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 i think you are awesome Faye. Everytime i read your replies things get a little clearer. Same goes for you, Tracy. I really appreciate the help. The letter idea is a good one. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Bah! No prob. Good luck and welcome to LS! Link to post Share on other sites
Tracy Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 The letter idea is a good one. Yes, excellent idea Faye! Especially part about letting your husband read it, etc. That's a good way to let him in on it, like you're not going behind his back ya know. That way you'll be less likely to let something come from it that shouldn't. I feel so guilty for doing him the way i did and wronging him like i did, that i am creating feelings for him. Wow. That's a very insightful conclusion ya reached there, G. I didn't even see it, but you could just be on to something. Link to post Share on other sites
Tracy Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Good luck and welcome to LS! I wish I would have known about LS while I was having problems (like I'm not now ). But, before I made some really stupid mistakes. I'm sure Faye's advice could have kept me from making big mistakes also Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Eh! I'm 24 w/ no husband or kids- Of course I'm the perfect wife and mother! Everyone can learn from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grnjello Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 i never would have guess you were so young. im 32. you know your sh**!! Tracy, Are you still with the husband you cheated on? Link to post Share on other sites
Tracy Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Wow! Only 24!!! (I'm real old, 30). You sound much wiser than your years..... Link to post Share on other sites
Tracy Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 G- Yes, we are trying to reconcile. We went back and forth several times, giving it one last good attempt. We have two kids, 5 & 8....most beautiful girls in the world Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Go talk to Dyer- he just turned 16! Or Honey- she's in high school too. The ages on LS are pretty diverse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grnjello Posted September 10, 2004 Author Share Posted September 10, 2004 well i will definitely keep you guys informed of how the next couple of weeks go. Link to post Share on other sites
Tracy Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 OMG! Dyer's 16. NO WAY. Def keep us posted ..... Link to post Share on other sites
lovinghusband77 Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Suggestions: 1) Do not be alone with him. Sounds like if he initiates you could fall into the "it just happened" category. It also prevents any trust issues later. It really is practical. Maybe not convenient, but is your marriage and your husband not worth this? You should not socialize with him. 2) Do not say anything or do anything that you would not say or do in front of your husband. Seems extreme but it prevents the slippery slope of secrecy and deceit. bad Bad BAD 3) Absolutely do not tell him how you feel about him. Even with the caveat that "because of your love for your husband" ... or whatever. Sorry but this just is a tease. A come on. An enticement that he will see as affirmation to go after you. It might even just be insentive for him to try to tamper with your marriage and sweet talk you into giving yourself to him. Also this is very disrespectful and demeaning to your husband. It basically says that your former BF could have you over your husband. This gives him license to disrespect your husband and is a loaded gun that he could pul on your husband by telling him what you said. He can also expect that in a pinch between him and your husband you might take his side or at least be neutral. Very humiliating for your husband. 4) Do not toy with your husband. He deserves better. Yes? Do not get lost in the fantasy of men fighting over you. Do not put you daughter in between these two men, where your husband resents the attention you give your former BF versus your husband because of her when it is really about you playing both sides. 5) Working out fantasies in your mind, again and again while starting innocently tend to happen. It is programming. 6) If for some reason you are looking to totally destroy your husband, then I think you have found a way now ... While I mention your husband over and over, ny suggestions are really for your benefit. If you felt you have made too many bad decisions, then start making good ones. Take care of your marriage and your family that you have. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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