confusedsoul1 Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Well first things first since last week I've been getting very strange vibes from my girlfriend. She seemed to be a bit distant, completely turned off to the idea of being intimate, and just overall acting a bit off. Prior to the start of the week we had an amazing date night where she even made the comment that she felt as she had just fallen in love all over again. The following Monday is when the difference in mood started. She would goto work and come home only to tell me about all the men that hit on her including a coworker who asked her to kiss him (shes a waitress). She knew from past experience that these stories were not the highlight of my day but I continued to listen. This same ritual continued throughout the week and I had been asking her if everything was okay. She told me shes acting no different and that I'm insane. Well after keeping an eye out for strange behavior, I noticed a secret texting app on her phone. I proceeded to open the app and found numerous messages to a man in another country (her home country). This man was her first love when she was 16 and the messages were things like "I want you so badly" "I miss you" "You have my heart" etc.. The thing that really bugged me was that after looking through the messages I discovered she'd sent pictures in her bra and panties and of herself to this guy as well. They had only started talking on the Monday I noticed and pointing out her being distant. My problem is now that I've confronted her with it, she is some how acting like this is okay. She says that she has no intention of being with this guy and she just loved the way he made her feel. She said he made her feel happy about herself and that I made her feel like a piece of ass. I personally do not feel that way and I think its because of her recent weight loss. She has been much more confident with men and I think she went too far with this one. She told me she does not want to stop talking to him and would not message him telling him that there was nothing between them besides a friendship. I basically told her it was either one or the other but she couldn't have both myself and this other man. She continued to argue "its just talking and she should be allowed to talk to him". She also admitted feelings for him earlier in the night. Given hes about 10,000 miles away and she wouldn't be seeing him for at least another year when she visits family in the country (hes the neighbor of the relatives), I am still feeling that this isn't okay. She now tells me I am smothering her and she needs space after arguing about this for the last few hours. I just need some outside opinions, anybody? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 Well first things first since last week I've been getting very strange vibes from my girlfriend. She seemed to be a bit distant, completely turned off to the idea of being intimate, and just overall acting a bit off. Prior to the start of the week we had an amazing date night where she even made the comment that she felt as she had just fallen in love all over again. The following Monday is when the difference in mood started. She would goto work and come home only to tell me about all the men that hit on her including a coworker who asked her to kiss him (shes a waitress). She knew from past experience that these stories were not the highlight of my day but I continued to listen. This same ritual continued throughout the week and I had been asking her if everything was okay. She told me shes acting no different and that I'm insane. Well after keeping an eye out for strange behavior, I noticed a secret texting app on her phone. I proceeded to open the app and found numerous messages to a man in another country (her home country). This man was her first love when she was 16 and the messages were things like "I want you so badly" "I miss you" "You have my heart" etc.. The thing that really bugged me was that after looking through the messages I discovered she'd sent pictures in her bra and panties and of herself to this guy as well. They had only started talking on the Monday I noticed and pointing out her being distant. My problem is now that I've confronted her with it, she is some how acting like this is okay. She says that she has no intention of being with this guy and she just loved the way he made her feel. She said he made her feel happy about herself and that I made her feel like a piece of ass. I personally do not feel that way and I think its because of her recent weight loss. She has been much more confident with men and I think she went too far with this one. She told me she does not want to stop talking to him and would not message him telling him that there was nothing between them besides a friendship. I basically told her it was either one or the other but she couldn't have both myself and this other man. She continued to argue "its just talking and she should be allowed to talk to him". She also admitted feelings for him earlier in the night. Given hes about 10,000 miles away and she wouldn't be seeing him for at least another year when she visits family in the country (hes the neighbor of the relatives), I am still feeling that this isn't okay. She now tells me I am smothering her and she needs space after arguing about this for the last few hours. I just need some outside opinions, anybody? She already began to disrespect you and detach from you when she started speaking to this man. I think you'll find it's been happening for more than a week, first love or not, you don't suddenly start sending panty pics after a couple of days. When was the last time she went home? Yeah give her space dude. You are smothering her..asking questions, probably being clingy and that's turning her off. So you found out she's talking to another man, sending him pics of herself undressed and she's told you she has feelings for him and what have you done? Nothing Give her her space. Tell her good bye and go NC. If she really wants it bad enough then she'll do the heavy lifting to get you back..it really shouldn't be you hassling her to choose should it? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 24, 2013 Share Posted March 24, 2013 How would she feel if the roles were reversed? I agree that she is totally disrespecting you and your relationship. This should be a deal-breaker. She is in love with someone else and sends pictures to him and tells him how badly she wants him. How much humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? If you do not respect yourself then who will? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedsoul1 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 She already began to disrespect you and detach from you when she started speaking to this man. I think you'll find it's been happening for more than a week, first love or not, you don't suddenly start sending panty pics after a couple of days. When was the last time she went home? Yeah give her space dude. You are smothering her..asking questions, probably being clingy and that's turning her off. So you found out she's talking to another man, sending him pics of herself undressed and she's told you she has feelings for him and what have you done? Nothing Give her her space. Tell her good bye and go NC. If she really wants it bad enough then she'll do the heavy lifting to get you back..it really shouldn't be you hassling her to choose should it? I understand what you are saying. The thing is I did try talking things out and I have since ended the relationship. She went into an emotional fit and cried saying she would delete the texting application. I in turn told her but you already told me you don't want to and her response was why does it matter what I want. She continued to say if you would "romanticize" me the way he does, then I wouldn't feel the need to look else where for it. She is 21 now and hasn't been to her home country since she was 16. I am 24. She also says I'm smothering her because for 3 years of our relationship she was an ideal girlfriend. She doesn't know what came over her with this man but she said she doesn't love him she just really likes him and his attention. I think the man is just sweet talking her, telling her everything she wants to hear. He's not being sincere with it just like a classic pick up artist and she can't see it. She wants to believe in the perfect happy ending meanwhile the guy slips in the comments "I'd like to see your entire body baby" when she sends him a revealing picture. He's been giving some clear signs he interested in having sex with her and even said he wants to marry her. She just kinda laughed it off with him but can not tell him she doesn't want all that. I really do not want to leave her but at the same time I need her to understand how serious this is. I tell her I'm hurt by it and she saw how physically effected by it but now some how after only a day, its my fault and she pissed at me. She says she should be allowed to talk to whoever she wants and she understands it was wrong but I shouldn't make her stop against her will (reason why I walked away). Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedsoul1 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 How would she feel if the roles were reversed? I agree that she is totally disrespecting you and your relationship. This should be a deal-breaker. She is in love with someone else and sends pictures to him and tells him how badly she wants him. How much humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? If you do not respect yourself then who will? I asked her how she would feel if the role was reversed and she said I don't know how I'd feel. She is an extremely jealous girl, to the point where she is the only female in my life besides my mother. I feel like that's why I've become so reliant on her. She did say she doesn't love him but has feelings for him. I explained that she was willing to throw our entire relationship away over a text conversation and that she was making me feel that I'm second best. It's as if if we were both in the same room she'd have difficulty picking one of us even though Ive devoted 3 heavy filled years to her and she hasn't even seen this guy since she was 16 (5 years ago) . Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedsoul1 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Share Posted March 24, 2013 Anyone else have any opinions? I'm extremely torn right now because shes making me feel wrong about this. Shes telling me I'm a psycho controlling boyfriend and I should trust her. Now she says shes the one who wants to be without me because she feels that this relationship isn't right for her based on the way I reacted to this. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyInsomniac Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 My ex fiance cheated on me multiple times, and was LIVID that I "didn't trust her". I wasn't allowed to have mutual contact with anyone she knew. If I said "hi" to someone who was her friend? I was "intruding". If I found out she was dating someone else in our "exclusive" relationship? I was "stalking" her. She doesn't have your trust because she doesn't deserve it. She's already in the midst of an emotional affair she feels entitled to, and blames you for her inability to communicate her needs and her lack of self control. Yeah. Give her space - give her a continental amount of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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