beautiful Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 This post is for all you people out there living your lives in such pain and drama. There is really no need for this! Aren't you worth being respected..............loved.........happy? I read these posts and it is always the same! When someone does not want to be with you, and it does not matter what the reason is...................please......move on! There is no way a healthy minded human being is going to stick around someone when he/she is not treating you well. That means, it is not about him or her but all about YOU! It means you have some work to do and find out why you so drawn in by such drama. Loosing someone hurts yes, however you grief in a natural way and move on. Second chances are EXCEPTIONS not the RULE! A second chance only works when individuals fix themselves so they won;t keep making the same dumb mistakes and you know what once you a healthier thinking human being you may be surprised to find out , you really don't want to be with that person, why? because he or she is not treating you well enough! Girls, stop giving these jerks so much power over you! My goodness when is the madness going to stop? Guys, stop letting girls run all over you and treat you badly. You have self worth. You have the power to make yourself happy. No one can do that for you! There is no such thing as NEEDING someone to make YOU HAPPY! You can't get what you do not have inside already! It is a total waste of time to run after someone to be with them when they play games with you just because they can. No men , no woman will respect you if you do not respect yourself. Manipulating someone to be with you is dis respectful to you and to the other person. This is all so simply yet people do not get it! Before you met this person you did not know if him/her. You were happy! Now you meet this person and give up total power and rather be jerked around than truly happy. An ex is an ex for a reason. You will live and be happy again but only if you allow that to happen. You in charge of YOU! So let's stop wasting time and start living so that the right people can come into your lives! There is a beautiful world out there with beautiful people just waiting for you. Someone that hurts you over and over, that is not love! Someone who does not want you in their lives, that is not love! someone who has to be manipulated to be with you, that is not love. He said she said, that is not love! It all starts with you! What are you going to do right now and here to change your life? Link to post Share on other sites
frogprinz29 Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 Thanks for your post. It makes a lot of sense, and I have come across it at a time where it is very helpful for me. I'll be readin' this one again when my faith in myself is faltering. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
doubledown Posted September 10, 2004 Share Posted September 10, 2004 But I want herrrrrrrr! (uttered in a whiney 5 year old voice) Link to post Share on other sites
frogprinz29 Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 lol. I'd like another chance at mine too. Geeez! Link to post Share on other sites
wasitheone Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 How true in that we have to fix ourselves before we can move on or even attempt a second chance. Personally I have been through almost 2 months of hell. I have replayed the relationship over and over again trying to find out what went wrong. At first I couldn't see what I had done wrong to deserve this and thought it was all her fault (problems with commitment, etc etc). Then slowly I realized that I was also partly to blame due to not talking to her about problems at work etc etc. What I am trying to say is that there are always two sides to a relationship and although it is nice to think you are blameless in a breakup there might have been some blame to be laid at your feet. If it is something fix-able then fix it! Otherwise a precious second chance will end up wasted. As the NC guide says - get out there, exercise build a life up again. The true horror hit me when I realized when I was so down and wanted her back I asked myself the question - what do I have to offer her at this exact moment? Yep - crying my eyes out, couldn't work - what a useless mess. So I am trying to fix all the little problems I had, and more importantly understanding the person I am. I also believe my break-up is the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me! Everyone knows about the worst part. But the best part is it has given me an opportunity to examine my life and see what is wrong. I very recently contacted my ex for the first time in about 6 weeks and she asked how I was. So I said I am better, stronger and fitter - and I meant it! If she comes back - great and I promise to post a happy story. If she doesn't come back - Oh well, but at least I have learnt more about myself through this experience. It does get better but it does take time and you must open your eyes and accept you may not like what you see. Nobody is perfect (although I am pretty darn close!!!!!!). Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 An experiment was done with rats. They were given treats by pressing a lever until they learned that pressing the lever would give them treats. Then the contraption was changed so that sometimes the rats got shocks and other times they got treats. No matter how many shocks they got, they kept pressing the levers because their first experience was that they got treats. Moral of the story: people stay because the beginning of the experience was so good, they keep thinking that things will change and the good part will come back again. No matter how many 'shocks' they get, they still keep coming back, hoping that they'll get 'treats' again. Link to post Share on other sites
doubledown Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 "Moral of the story: people stay because the beginning of the experience was so good, they keep thinking that things will change and the good part will come back again. No matter how many 'shocks' they get, they still keep coming back, hoping that they'll get 'treats' again." ____________________________________________________________________ LOL And what treat might that be? Sex? A compliment? Flirting? My EX wasn't very memorable for any of these. Oh yeah, works with dogs too, (Pavlov's dog). Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 Also I think because it's human nature to hang on tightly to something that's familiar, and bad, rather then be forced to try something NEW. We get stuck in relationship ruts, so to speak. We'd rather keep trying the same old stuff that doesn't work instead of being cut loose and drifting. Link to post Share on other sites
Nosmas Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 When someone does not want to be with you, and it does not matter what the reason is...................please......move on! There is no way a healthy minded human being is going to stick around someone when he/she is not treating you well. That means, it is not about him or her but all about YOU! It means you have some work to do and find out why you so drawn in by such drama In defense of those who are not rats, and therefore immune to wild extrapolations of lab rat data to construct morality stories based on rodent behaviors, perhaps we should remember that most human relationships are a bit more complex. While it would be wonderful to simply have the relationship fairy appear on demand to dissolve unhappy couplings, in the real world there are often a few other considerations when lives have become entangled. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 People stick with people because they want it 'they way it used to be'. The initial phases of a relationship are intoxicating and enjoyable. Then things go to hell, and people think that's just an anomaly and that if only something would change, things will go 'back to the way it was when we first were together'. Some people cling to that hope for a long, long time. Other people shake off that hope more easily. And what treat might that be? Sex? A compliment? Flirting? My EX wasn't very memorable for any of these Are you still hung up on her? Oh yeah, works with dogs too, (Pavlov's dog). You gonna tell me that a woman who reminds you of your first kiss or your first sex or some other pleasurable experience doesn't turn you on a little more than others? The fact is that we are subject to these 'animal' responses because we are still animals. The smell that transports you right back to your grandmom's house, the tune that reminds you of a lost love - same type of response. No shame in it; in fact it's useful to know. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 I think you people are forgetting that not everybody wants to be happy. There's a lot to be enjoyed in misery, and an unfortunate love-situation is a perfect way to stay miserable. Once people realize that they prefer to be happy, they begin to avoid situations that prevent that. my 2c, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
doubledown Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 Are you still hung up on her? ___________________________________________ I guess, sometimes, well really most of the time. I don't know if I'd say hung up, but she definately occupies my thoughts most days. But it's more just thinking about her and us, not really formulating a plan to reconcile. Sometimes thinking of how I'd act if I ever saw or heard from her again. I guess i'd try to act nice and look like it doesn't bother me, and that I've moved on. That way she neither feels guilty for hurting me nor that she still has some control over my heart and feelings. ______________________________________________________________ You gonna tell me that a woman who reminds you of your first kiss or your first sex or some other pleasurable experience doesn't turn you on a little more than others? ________________________________________________________________________ Oh yeah she definately turns me on, probably will for a long time. That's why it's best for me to practice no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
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