What Do 35-45-Year-Old Men Want?

March 24, 2013

Note: If you are a man who is NOT between 35 and 45, please DO NOT comment. Ladies, as always, your experiences are welcome because you get it.

I'm a 35-year-old attractive woman with a positive outlook, who has a fun life, a good job, and I want to find my life partner. I have no problem going out by myself. For example, the other night, I wanted a margarita and my friends were not available on such short notice, so I simply went somewhere, bellied up to the bar, and order my beverage and dinner. As with *so many times before,* an older man struck up a conversation with me (I've had so many conversations with older men, single/divorced/married) who was pretty impressed with what I had say and said I was beautiful--especially my eyes (I get comments on my eyes, smile, and intelligence).

The problem: I don't want a much older man. I want someone who can grow old *with* me, not way before me. I'm looking for a youthful 35-45-year-old (I'm a youthful 35). Unfortunately, the men who are actually what I'm looking for (single, no kids, wants kids, balances going out with staying in) don't seem to be interested. :-( What do you want?! If you *are* attracted to a woman, what keeps you from sharing your interest? What do *we* need to do? How can we tell if you really are interested? Why is it that all of the guys who seem perfect online won't contact me or return my messages, even if those messages are of genuine interest in what they had to say?

March 24, 2013

hope you like kids because guys that age have kids by another woman at that age.

I want kids and it is a deal breaker for me so I have to look for a younger girl.

Your best bet is find a guy that is done having kids and you should have no problem.

It is just the fact of life most guys want kids and you did not say if you did .

March 24, 2013

I think a lot of people on OLD are not really serious. They make think they want serious relationships, but, under that guise, they're emotionally unavailable and are only looking for online-entertainment, or casual.

Have you tried other venues, such as meetup?

Edited March 24, 2013 by ja123

March 24, 2013

I agree with ja123, it really is much more fun to get out there in person and get in social circles, you get more opportunity to meet people face to face where their intentions might be more clear. As suggested, I've personally found Meetup to be great for knowing about what fun events are going on, and going to meet people.

March 24, 2013

hope you like kids because guys that age have kids by another woman at that age.

I want kids and it is a deal breaker for me so I have to look for a younger girl.

Your best bet is find a guy that is done having kids and you should have no problem.

It is just the fact of life most guys want kids and you did not say if you did .

I clearly stated that I'm looking for a guy who does not have kids but wants kids. Please reread my post. I'm finding there a lot of guys who meet this description, but they're hard cases to crack.

March 24, 2013

I think a lot of people on OLD are not really serious. They make think they want serious relationships, but, under that guise, they're emotionally unavailable and are only looking for online-entertainment, or casual.

Have you tried other venues, such as meetup?

This is what I've been wondering. I am on meetup--in an outdoor group that my friend arranges a lot of events for. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of events near me that I'd be interested in. :-( I'll keeping checking.

March 24, 2013

Note: If you are a man who is NOT between 35 and 45, please DO NOT comment. Ladies, as always, your experiences are welcome because you get it.

I'm a 35-year-old attractive woman with a positive outlook, who has a fun life, a good job, and I want to find my life partner. I have no problem going out by myself. For example, the other night, I wanted a margarita and my friends were not available on such short notice, so I simply went somewhere, bellied up to the bar, and order my beverage and dinner. As with *so many times before,* an older man struck up a conversation with me (I've had so many conversations with older men, single/divorced/married) who was pretty impressed with what I had say and said I was beautiful--especially my eyes (I get comments on my eyes, smile, and intelligence).

The problem: I don't want a much older man. I want someone who can grow old *with* me, not way before me. I'm looking for a youthful 35-45-year-old (I'm a youthful 35). Unfortunately, the men who are actually what I'm looking for (single, no kids, wants kids, balances going out with staying in) don't seem to be interested. :-( What do you want?! If you *are* attracted to a woman, what keeps you from sharing your interest? What do *we* need to do? How can we tell if you really are interested? Why is it that all of the guys who seem perfect online won't contact me or return my messages, even if those messages are of genuine interest in what they had to say?

I seem to fit all your requirements. I am 44 but look 34/35. Unfortunately i am not working right now. I wouldn't even consider dating unless i was employed first. My life is well rounded though. With being a member of a local art association/photo arts group, working out three nights a week, and going on history and/or ghost hunting day trips with a good friend of mine. In October we will be going to gettysburg for the 150th anniversary.

March 24, 2013

For single/never married/no kids/successful men, 35-45 is the golden age of dating. They are the male equivalent of thin, pretty 25-30 year old women: Everyone want one.

The problem you're having is simply that there is lots and lots of competition for these guys.

So the question for you is: What do you have to offer a guy who has his pick of pretty much any woman he wants?

March 24, 2013

For single/never married/no kids/successful men, 35-45 is the golden age of dating. They are the male equivalent of thin, pretty 25-30 year old women: Everyone want one.

The problem you're having is simply that there is lots and lots of competition for these guys.

So the question for you is: What do you have to offer a guy who has his pick of pretty much any woman he wants?

It would probably be easier for you to tell me what these guys want, and then I can tell you whether I meet those wants.

March 24, 2013

It would probably be easier for you to tell me what these guys want, and then I can tell you whether I meet those wants.

I don't see how. There are millions of 35 year old guys. I doubt very much that there is a common list of things they're looking for in women.

I will say that there are many men in the age range you're looking at who are actively seeking ONLY women in their 20's. My advice about that is pretty simply "next." It's nothing to get upset about. All of us like what we like. You'll just need to move past those guys.

March 24, 2013

I clearly stated that I'm looking for a guy who does not have kids but wants kids. Please reread my post. I'm finding there a lot of guys who meet this description, but they're hard cases to crack.

Many men in your age range DO have kids, and if they are actively looking to start a family they are likely targeting younger women than you are. I do not mean to be discouraging, but by the time you meet the right man, get to know him through dating, spend enough time to know if you want to spend your lives together - having kids might not be a viable option.

If I were you, I would try to be flexible on the kid issue.

March 24, 2013

Many men in your age range DO have kids, and if they are actively looking to start a family they are likely targeting younger women than you are. I do not mean to be discouraging, but by the time you meet the right man, get to know him through dating, spend enough time to know if you want to spend your lives together - having kids might not be a viable option.

If I were you, I would try to be flexible on the kid issue.

It's not really an option. It's a religious as well as social choice.

Regarding what they're looking for, I only contact men whose requirements I match. This well is not dry in my area. Very few of the profiles I check are men looking for someone in their 20s. Please keep that in mind with future replies to stay on topic.

March 24, 2013

I'm a woman in this age group. The single men I know who are looking to start a family want low drama. Many of them have been left spectacularly by the woman they thought they were going to have a family with.

March 24, 2013

From my experiences when early thirties, there were no shortage of 35 - 45 year old men looking for relationships. If anything, they're quicker off the draw to want to commit where the thirty-something's jump into long-term relationships leading to marriage and the forty-something men want more permanent arrangements like marriage.

These are real life experiences since online dating wasn't my thing so this might be the commonality. From all I've read about online dating, so many people of either gender are forever seeking the next best thing.

March 24, 2013

Very few of the profiles I check are men looking for someone in their 20s. Please keep that in mind with future replies to stay on topic.

??? What was off topic about what I posted? I read you original post and I responded exactly to that.

If the only "on topic" responses, from your perspective, are those that tell you exactly what you are hoping to hear, you're out of luck.

Regarding "what do *we* need to do?" … all I can say is, if the guys you are interested in are not interested in YOU, you can do nothing. You are not what those guys are looking for. Why would you want to change yourself into something you are not in order to try to attract one of them? Don't you want to be with someone who truly wants you for who you are and what you have to offer in a lifetime relationship?

All you need to do, and all you can do, (since you are not open to adjusting your parameters) is to keep on trying and hoping. Good luck.

March 24, 2013

What do you want?!

An attractive woman who shares some interests and values and who finds me attractive.

March 24, 2013

From my experiences when early thirties, there were no shortage of 35 - 45 year old men looking for relationships.

I had similar experiences, but men between the ages of 35 - 45 were rarely seeking a woman in that exact age bracket to START having children with. Many of those men were divorced; probably the majority, and many had kids too.

There were and are certainly exceptions.

March 24, 2013

I had similar experiences, but men between the ages of 35 - 45 were rarely seeking a woman in that exact age bracket to START having children with. Many of those men were divorced; probably the majority, and many had kids too.

There were and are certainly exceptions.

Some were divorced, others not. Some wanted children, others not. But my criteria for dating included no kids from prior relationships. Didn't care about the divorced aspect since I too was divorced.

The fertility concerns never came up in real life. They're another issue that appears to have inflated themselves to gargantuan proportions on the Interwebs by 20+ year old men who aren't getting laid.

March 24, 2013

You will find increasing competition for men in this age range due to cultural factors, the "wanting kids" and 35-45 are going to be especially competitive in many dating pools. But you know this already.

To the topic, just speaking to my friends and my preferences, not men generally, we are looking for women who don't want children or more children. Most of my friends in that range either already have or don't want.

HOWEVER, don't despair, those are just preferences. I have several friends who had kids as late as 50 who were rather staunch in not having them in the past. Ideally you want a man who is open minded and flexible in other ways, also financially secure enough for kids, and IME you are less likely to find those in bars, nightlife than in community places. Would ramp up civic and charitable clubs and activities, business groups, hobby groups, consider an eating membership in a country club or town club if you don't already have one. Good luck.

March 24, 2013

I think a lot of people on OLD are not really serious. They make think they want serious relationships, but, under that guise, they're emotionally unavailable and are only looking for online-entertainment, or casual.

Have you tried other venues, such as meetup?

Probably this, but i'd say only a small percentage of the people are actually interested in meeting someone for dating.

Most of the women in my age from OLD just want someone to take them out, buy them drink, & to hook up with.

I'm sure the men just want to hook up also.

Edited March 24, 2013 by phineas

March 24, 2013

For single/never married/no kids/successful men, 35-45 is the golden age of dating. They are the male equivalent of thin, pretty 25-30 year old women: Everyone want one.

Wow, never knew I was in such high demand.

March 24, 2013

As stated in this post the kids issue is the big one.. Im in your age group and I have kids.

If a man hasnt had kids by 35 he probably doesnt want kids. There are rare ones that are just looking for the right woman but honestly this significantly shrinks your dating pool.

If you are committed to these criteria. Then be patience and look to find men that are religious too, try church or community events that tend to attract the type of men you speak of.

March 24, 2013

TI

First, I am retired, but still my story might provide some insight.

At age 27 I had a very active dating and sex life when I met my future Ex-fiance, she had just turned 21. I was very much in love with her, she was the one, but she had a older sister who hated me, eventually led to us breaking it off, at age 30.

I still wanted a family, but was a little bit skeptical about true love at that time. At about that time I discovered the world of newly divorced women. There were tons of them, most had had only one or two sex partners, were newly divorced, ages 25 to 30+, and were very much into exploring their sexuality. They were willing to try anything.

About that time I met another 22 year old, had never married, and about 9 months in it was beginning to look serious, but alas, she had moved here from a thousand miles away, and after her father died, her mother put tons of pressure on her to return home, as she was lonely. And away she went.

No matter I still had a lot of FWB's who were more than willing to pick up where we left off.

One of them, I had met while still dating my Ex-fiance, she was a very successful CPA, had already made partner, and even though was used to dating the very successful, had fallen totally in love with me. Even though she was extremely good looking, there was just something missing between us. Part of it was her super success, very much a career woman, and she was used to getting whatever she wanted, and I could not see her being the mother of my children. After telling her how I felt she still stuck around, thinking that she would eventually win me over. She even gave me keys to her condo, and even went so far to let me drive her new 260Z and her restored T-Bird port holer, when ever I wanted.

My sex life was booming, I had the bucks, and had developed the social skills, and I was very much a pussy hound. In one year alone, the year of disco, I know that I had at least 50 different partners.

At age 32, I met a super hot 20 year old, definite fold out material, and again she set her sights on me. At age 35, after she got her college degree I agreed to marry her. It lasted a whole 6 months.

My CPA friend was still in the wings, and married 6 months after I got married.

The break up of my marriage left me totally discouraged about love and family, and I went back to being a pussy hound. My sex life again took off, even though I had moved across the country there was still a lot of divorced women out there wanting to explore their sexuality.

There were a couple of gals whom I now wish I had explored a possible deeper relation with, but was totally gun shy of getting serious.

At age 43 I began a long time on again /off again relationship with a then 28 year old, who had never married. Her father was extremely wealthy, and she herself was worth millions. She kept wanting to marry and have my kids, and I would run, we would hook up again, and again it would repeat. Had we married her fathers wedding gift would have been half a million dollar down payment on a house for his future grand kids. I passed up on offers of all expenses paid exotic vacations to the Bahamas, Cancun, Hawaii, and finally she got close with a two week trip to Tahiti, for scuba diving. My response was to pack my stuff and move a thousand miles away back to my home town. I was that afraid of getting remarried.

By that time I was about 47 years old. Almost immediately I met a long legged divorce who caught my eye. It took a couple of years, but she finally left her younger live in BF, and we have been an item ever since, now half way to our 18th year.

Edited March 24, 2013 by 2.50 a gallon

March 24, 2013