What Do 35-45-Year-Old Men Want?

[ja123]

It's not really an option. It's a religious as well as social choice.

 

Then you must really make it a top priority to find a man soon. Use everything you have, general OLD, specialized OLD (i.d. religious dating sites), meet-ups, voluteering, ask your network if they know anyone you could be introduced to. You need a plan and to take regular, consistent action. Even consider getting get a couch who could help you, if need be. Consider re-locating. You could be married in a 1 1/2 years.

 

Another LS poster recommends this book: "How to Marry the Man of Your Choice", by Margaret Kent

 

Good luck!

[jcrew11]

Men generally can "get" very attractive women in from 25-30 who want to get married. Men know they can get a woman at least 5-10 years younger, so they go for that.

[grkBoy]

The problem: I don't want a much older man. I want someone who can grow old *with* me, not way before me. I'm looking for a youthful 35-45-year-old (I'm a youthful 35). Unfortunately, the men who are actually what I'm looking for (single, no kids, wants kids, balances going out with staying in) don't seem to be interested. :-( What do you want?! If you *are* attracted to a woman, what keeps you from sharing your interest? What do *we* need to do? How can we tell if you really are interested? Why is it that all of the guys who seem perfect online won't contact me or return my messages, even if those messages are of genuine interest in what they had to say?

 

Well, I'm currently 39, and for the sake of this discussion I'll pretend I never met my fiance and am single.

 

Based on my mentality before I met my fiance, I was in my MGTOW phase. I spent my 20s and early 30s being rejected by many women because I wasn't handsome enough, rich enough, or exciting enough...and/or they had so much baggage things would fall apart. I had women telling me how I'm such a great catch...but they were all women in RLs.

 

So if I was single now, I'd be very enveloped in my own life. I wouldn't be looking to meet women, and I wouldn't take women seriously in terms of dating.

 

You and I would probably not click because at the time and even now I'm iffy on having kids. My mentality mainly looks at children as money and time vacuums, and looking at all my peer who are parents struggle only keeps me more "eh" on being a father. I also felt that with all the rejection and drama I took out of dating in my past, that I didn't need to fulfill some traditional ideology of my life. That if women in the past didn't see me as "ideal enough", I wouldn't sit here being the last-minute option for someone who waited too long.

 

NOW...I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but to help you understand what's going on with men in their mid-30s to mid-40s. Many who never married either are embracing a "single for life" mentality, and others were the for "nice guys" like me who more or less walked away from the dating pool altogether...feeling that being alone in happy mental balance is a better path than living in misogyny.

 

I would tell you that going to bars isn't going to be a winner for you. Single guys in their mid-30s and up who will go to bars will more likely be seeking a fling over a relationship.

 

Based on what you want, you would honestly need to find perhaps those "former nice guys" who were rejected to death in their 20s and now are living in their 30s as more balanced. They hopefully "grew up" and stopped being doormats, but now are cautious when it comes to dating.

 

For me, I stopped going to clubs and bars. I went to art events, hobby-based meetups (photography, drum circles, world music), and even some charity functions. I'd go to some professional networking events also.

 

Your best chance with my "old me" would have been if we just ended up being friendly, stayed in touch, and I'd simply chance it because you were an attractive woman who seemed into me. Even when, I'd be going on dates with you casually and not having any expectations...mainly because I'd assume you would go psycho and vanish on me. NOT saying you would, but my past experiences with women ended up like this, and even when I started dating my fiance I had this attitude.

 

I hope this helps.

[tbf]

Men generally can "get" very attractive women in from 25-30 who want to get married. Men know they can get a woman at least 5-10 years younger, so they go for that.

Did you do the math before posting?

[jcrew11]

It's not really an option. It's a religious as well as social choice.

 

Regarding what they're looking for, I only contact men whose requirements I match. This well is not dry in my area. Very few of the profiles I check are men looking for someone in their 20s. Please keep that in mind with future replies to stay on topic.

 

What have you been dating for the last 15 years? You seem to have a huge checklist that no man can match. Do you have a specific religious preferance? because that will likely narrow your options.

 

Men want a hot girl that is not annoying, obnoxious, or demanding. I think you just have to cast a wide net.

[StanMusial]

No kids, no crazy ex-wife, no debt, stable lifestyle, (relatively) sane family, drug-free and disease-free, clean record except for a few minor traffic infractions, clean bill of health, stable and sane friends, no history of alcohol problems or psychological problems, stable and uninterrupted employment history, all around good reputation so far as I know.

 

I'm not perfect, I know that nobody is, and I'm not asking for perfect.

 

Ok. Well, that sounds more positive and understandable than 'baggage'.

 

I have the same requirements... ie wanting to date men who don't have a criminal record or have bad credit or STDs. Not sure when I'm supposed to find that out... I'm not jumping into bed with random people and crossing my fingers.

 

... but I get told (here at least) that I have 'baggage' simply for expecting those things and for taking measures to make sure I don't end up with guys with that kind of history.

 

Like I'm supposed to take their word for it?? Not likely.

 

Well there's no point in "churching it up" on an anonymous forum really, plus it takes too long to go through that list.

[jma500]

What have you been dating for the last 15 years? You seem to have a huge checklist that no man can match. Do you have a specific religious preferance? because that will likely narrow your options.

 

Men want a hot girl that is not annoying, obnoxious, or demanding. I think you just have to cast a wide net.

Smart men know hot isn't a requisite. Only that the lady in question is attractive to us both outside and inside.

[RedRobin]

Men generally can "get" very attractive women in from 25-30 who want to get married. Men know they can get a woman at least 5-10 years younger, so they go for that.

 

... or women their own age dump them because they view these guys as immature and bad risks... Let the younger ones take their chances.

 

See my post above. I have a date next week with a guy I met IRL whose profile I came across on OkC stating an age preference up to 18 years younger than him.

 

I won't cancel my date (because I don't do that)... but if he asks me out again, I'll have to tell him it's gonna be a friends only/activity partner arrangement and nothing more. He doesn't know that I saw his profile. Not that I'm going to confront him... Lets just say my enthusiasm is gone. I'll go and make the best of it...

[jcrew11]

Smart men know hot isn't a requisite. Only that the lady in question is attractive to us both outside and inside.

 

Well, if a woman is single at 35 and she's hot, then its likely her bad personality that is turning off guys.

[grkBoy]

Before I did the MGTOW thing, I did date some women in their mid to late 20s.

 

Drama, immaturity, and baggage...all of them. Plus my more "settled down" lifestyle clashed with their outgoing lifestyle.

 

If the two people click and meld on many levels, then it can work. However, the idea that a decent to successful male in his 30s can easily get hot 20something girls is only true in terms of hookups and sex. Most of the time they never make it to a RL.

 

The mid-30s woman isn't a total loss. I personally would stay around my own age, just to be guaranteed a similar lifestyle.

[jma500]

Well, if a woman is single at 35 and she's hot, then its likely her bad personality that is turning off guys.

 

It certainly is within the realm of possibility.