Can I trust my girlfriend?

[JakeF]

I have been with her for about 8 years now, and I do love her to death but every single day I feel hurt, pain, and confusion.

 

About 4 years ago she was best friends with another male and I always had a feeling that something was going on between them. I asked her if anything was happening between the two and she looked at me and told me no. What gave me these uneasy feelings was that she was spending more time with him than me. Of course I hated him, and he also returned the hate. She has been best friends with him since middle school so I understand why they would spend so much time together but it always bothered me. This uneasy feeling was not being put to rest, so I wanted to end it no matter how much it hurted me. She gaurenteed me that there was nothing going on between the two of them, and I being so stupid trusted her. About 4 months after she found the courage to tell me that she had been cheating on me, with her best friend. I was crushed and devistated, but I still loved her. I forgave her and she began to rebuild the relationship but I will always remember the amount of pain she has caused me. I occasionally bring it up and she would get very upset. Later on I found out from a friend that it was not only once that she slept with him, but made it a regular. I was planning on purposing to her before I had found out but all that's left is pain and misery. I gave her the choice picking me or him and she choose me, they say they have cut of all connections but I do not know if I can trust her.

 

Everyday I am in pain. I love her at the same time I hate her with so much resentment. Everyday I wake up to this agony, and go to bed trembling with nightmares. I believe she is the type to lie and she has lied numerous amounts of time. She is very friendly to other males therefore it always makes me uneasy because I always get the feeling that she is hiding something from me and I will never know the truth.

 

Recently my girlfriend told me that she will never cheat on me again but may find another guy. Once again this has made me uneasy and upset. She has been getting close to this guy at work, and he is a kind and great guy but it bothers me that they are gettting so close. The trust that we once had is broken. I know it has been 4 years but I can never forget the past and how much she has hurt me. The trust cannot be fixed. I don't know what to do know. I love her to death, but I am having nightmares everyday about her cheating on me once again and finding a new guy. She has been spending more time at work and she has told me because there are more patients showing up (she is a doctor). When I told her that it bothered me that she said she may find a new guy, she immediately changed her mind and said no you are the only one for me, I do not know if I can trust that statement.

 

Can I trust her? How do I know if she is cheating once again? What should I do?

[Poppy fields]

You just stated you don't trust her, so why are you asking strangers if you should? No trust, no relationship.

[NervisPervis]

Later on I found out from a friend that it was not only once that she slept with him, but made it a regular. I was planning on purposing to her ...

 

I believe she is the type to lie and she has lied numerous amounts of time. She is very friendly to other males therefore it always makes me uneasy because I always get the feeling that she is hiding something from me and I will never know the truth.

 

She has been getting close to this guy at work, and he is a kind and great guy but it bothers me that they are gettting so close.

 

She has been spending more time at work and she has told me because there are more patients showing up (she is a doctor). When I told her that it bothered me that she said she may find a new guy, she immediately changed her mind and said no you are the only one for me, I do not know if I can trust that statement.

 

 

I weeded out a little. Does that make it a little easier to understand?

[JakeF]

Thanks for the replies. How should I approach the situation?

[SadSouls]

Thanks for the replies. How should I approach the situation?

 

Seems to be only one way you can approach it, break up with her.

 

Rarely trust a girl who has a 'male best friend'.

[AverageCat]

Once a cheater always a cheater.

 

You just lost 4 years of your life after you found out and did not break up with her.

Please don't lose anymore and break up with her.

 

Cheers,

[LSTom]

For your own sanity, just dump her. She's not worth the misery. You say you love her, but she doesn't love you. As soon as you move, you'll be able to build a much better life for yourself, but before you leave have her tested for STDs and get tested yourself.

Finding a monogamous woman is not an easy task. Women talk a good talk, but that's where it ends. Be careful.

[LSTom]

Seems to be only one way you can approach it, break up with her.

 

Rarely trust a girl who has a 'male best friend'.

 

Agreed. Just substitute 'male best friend' for male best bed friend'.

[TaraMaiden]

For your own sanity, just dump her. She's not worth the misery. You say you love her, but she doesn't love you. As soon as you move, you'll be able to build a much better life for yourself, but before you leave have her tested for STDs and get tested yourself.

Finding a monogamous woman is not an easy task. Women talk a good talk, but that's where it ends. Be careful.

 

Finding a monogamous man isn't easy either of course.

Let's not make stupid general remarks and risk a flaming war, shall we?

 

OP, you need to simply bring this to a rapid and abrupt end.

She has as good as told you that when it comes to a relationship with you, she values your loyalty, trust and companionship, a little below that of the family dog.

 

Leave (or throw her out, bags, belongings, done and dusted) and terminate this ridiculous arrangement. I won't even qualify it by calling it a relationship.

 

Let her go have her fun.

She will definitely start pestering you for attention and to make herself feel good, by throwing you breadcrumbs by the handful.

 

Ignore every and any attempt of hers to draw you into a friend-zone level form of contact.

Drop her, kick her to the kerb, and move on.

[Darren Steez]

I have been with her for about 8 years now, and I do love her to death but every single day I feel hurt, pain, and confusion.

 

About 4 years ago she was best friends with another male and I always had a feeling that something was going on between them. I asked her if anything was happening between the two and she looked at me and told me no. What gave me these uneasy feelings was that she was spending more time with him than me. Of course I hated him, and he also returned the hate. She has been best friends with him since middle school so I understand why they would spend so much time together but it always bothered me. This uneasy feeling was not being put to rest, so I wanted to end it no matter how much it hurted me. She gaurenteed me that there was nothing going on between the two of them, and I being so stupid trusted her. About 4 months after she found the courage to tell me that she had been cheating on me, with her best friend. I was crushed and devistated, but I still loved her. I forgave her and she began to rebuild the relationship but I will always remember the amount of pain she has caused me. I occasionally bring it up and she would get very upset. Later on I found out from a friend that it was not only once that she slept with him, but made it a regular. I was planning on purposing to her before I had found out but all that's left is pain and misery. I gave her the choice picking me or him and she choose me, they say they have cut of all connections but I do not know if I can trust her.

 

Everyday I am in pain. I love her at the same time I hate her with so much resentment. Everyday I wake up to this agony, and go to bed trembling with nightmares. I believe she is the type to lie and she has lied numerous amounts of time. She is very friendly to other males therefore it always makes me uneasy because I always get the feeling that she is hiding something from me and I will never know the truth.

 

Recently my girlfriend told me that she will never cheat on me again but may find another guy. Once again this has made me uneasy and upset. She has been getting close to this guy at work, and he is a kind and great guy but it bothers me that they are gettting so close. The trust that we once had is broken. I know it has been 4 years but I can never forget the past and how much she has hurt me. The trust cannot be fixed. I don't know what to do know. I love her to death, but I am having nightmares everyday about her cheating on me once again and finding a new guy. She has been spending more time at work and she has told me because there are more patients showing up (she is a doctor). When I told her that it bothered me that she said she may find a new guy, she immediately changed her mind and said no you are the only one for me, I do not know if I can trust that statement.

 

Can I trust her? How do I know if she is cheating once again? What should I do?

 

Why are you with her?

 

I underlined all that stuff because not only are those red flags, some of them are straight deal breakers. But you're still there. Even now when she basically telling you that she may find another guy, you're still there!!?

 

I get the "I love her to death", the "I can't eat or sleep, I have nightmares" but why would anybody want someone in their lives who brings up such turmoil?

 

She's already started detaching from you again. Has told you if another guy comes along then she's gone. Has cheated not once, not twice but many times. Again I ask, why are you with her?

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed would she put up with such humiliation and disrespect from you? She lied to your face about screwing her friend on a regular basis and putting your health at risk for STD's. In addition, she keeps getting close to other males. She is playing you for a total fool. Her actions show she has no respect for you and your relationship. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Time to move on. She is absolutely toxic to you.

[pbjbear]

Agreed. Just substitute 'male best friend' for male best bed friend'.

 

 

Bull****. One of my closest friends is a guy Ive been friends with since I was 5 years old and he has a girlfriend I love dearly. He is like a brother to me and there is no sexual tension.

 

Guys say crap like this but then they feel justified in having a female best friend even though guys on this site tell me all the time guys chose their female friends partially on attraction while women do not. So whats worse, a female friend of a guy whom the guy is attracted to or a male friend of a girl who she sees like a brother and values their friendship primarily for traits other than attraction?

[Imajerk17]

I have been with her for about 8 years now, and I do love her to death but every single day I feel hurt, pain, and confusion.

 

About 4 years ago she was best friends with another male and I always had a feeling that something was going on between them. I asked her if anything was happening between the two and she looked at me and told me no. What gave me these uneasy feelings was that she was spending more time with him than me. Of course I hated him, and he also returned the hate. She has been best friends with him since middle school so I understand why they would spend so much time together but it always bothered me. This uneasy feeling was not being put to rest, so I wanted to end it no matter how much it hurted me. She gaurenteed me that there was nothing going on between the two of them, and I being so stupid trusted her. About 4 months after she found the courage to tell me that she had been cheating on me, with her best friend. I was crushed and devistated, but I still loved her. I forgave her and she began to rebuild the relationship but I will always remember the amount of pain she has caused me. I occasionally bring it up and she would get very upset. Later on I found out from a friend that it was not only once that she slept with him, but made it a regular. I was planning on purposing to her before I had found out but all that's left is pain and misery. I gave her the choice picking me or him and she choose me, they say they have cut of all connections but I do not know if I can trust her.

 

Everyday I am in pain. I love her at the same time I hate her with so much resentment. Everyday I wake up to this agony, and go to bed trembling with nightmares. I believe she is the type to lie and she has lied numerous amounts of time. She is very friendly to other males therefore it always makes me uneasy because I always get the feeling that she is hiding something from me and I will never know the truth.

 

Recently my girlfriend told me that she will never cheat on me again but may find another guy. Once again this has made me uneasy and upset. She has been getting close to this guy at work, and he is a kind and great guy but it bothers me that they are gettting so close. The trust that we once had is broken. I know it has been 4 years but I can never forget the past and how much she has hurt me. The trust cannot be fixed. I don't know what to do know. I love her to death, but I am having nightmares everyday about her cheating on me once again and finding a new guy. She has been spending more time at work and she has told me because there are more patients showing up (she is a doctor). When I told her that it bothered me that she said she may find a new guy, she immediately changed her mind and said no you are the only one for me, I do not know if I can trust that statement.

 

Can I trust her? How do I know if she is cheating once again? What should I do?

 

 

I think the bolded sums it all up. I mean, the rest is quite bad, but the bolded tells you all you need to know. That's not exactly a ringing endorsement of you, her feelings towards you, and your relationship [understatement of the year]. She doesn't respect you and when that's the case the relationship really is virtually over.

 

You have two options:

 

1. Break up with her now and salvage your self-respect by YOU making the choice to walk away.

2. Wait for her to break up with you by leaving you for some other guy (which looks to be INEVITABLE even if it isn't the other guy from work she leaves you for), and meanwhile lose more and more self-respect by the day.

[chelsea2011]

If you are that worried that your gf will do that to you then you need to break up with her and find someone who makes you feel more secure.

[iKING]

No, leave her, now.

 

For your own sake.

 

No girl is worth that kind of pain and uncertainty.

 

You gave your trust and she betrayed it.

 

You gave her a second chance and now she's looking for another guy.

 

Leave while you still have some dignity.

 

With whatever self-respect you have left.

[seibert253]

Thanks for the replies. How should I approach the situation?

 

Simple, tell her she's traveling down the same road as before and you cannot trust her. Then end it and be done with her.

[ChessPieceFace]

I have been with her for about 8 years now, and I do love her to death but every single day I feel hurt, pain, and confusion.

 

About 4 years ago she was best friends with another male and I always had a feeling that something was going on between them. I asked her if anything was happening between the two and she looked at me and told me no. What gave me these uneasy feelings was that she was spending more time with him than me. Of course I hated him, and he also returned the hate. She has been best friends with him since middle school so I understand why they would spend so much time together but it always bothered me. This uneasy feeling was not being put to rest, so I wanted to end it no matter how much it hurted me. She gaurenteed me that there was nothing going on between the two of them, and I being so stupid trusted her. About 4 months after she found the courage to tell me that she had been cheating on me, with her best friend. I was crushed and devistated, but I still loved her. I forgave her

 

I've located the problem. Hopefully you can now correct the mistake.

[fixing]

Sorry bud. But you have to break up with her. You should have ended it four years ago when the whore betrayed you. She is a liar, and cannot be trusted. SHE WILL, cheat again when it suits her. That is, if she hasnt/isnt cheating still. Sorry m8, but, this is killing you inside, trust is gone, and will never come back. END IT. Go no contact

[loversquarrel]

Ah! The "he's my best friend" scenario.... I have yet to experience this myself, but if ever the occasion does arise, Iwould not get myself seriously involved. I have read too many times where relationships have failed because of a lurking "best friend".

 

For those of you who would suggest I have a double standard because I am a male and would not deal with such a situation - my best friend is a woman, she is my Fiance'.

[NervisPervis]

No man makes an effort to maintain a relationship with a woman he doesn't wat to screw.

 

PERIOD.