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Bad boys and the good girl. What's the attraction?


singlelife

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To be blunt, I was attracted to my first husband by the orgasmic screams another woman was making the first time I walked by his apartment. I soon found out that I wasn't the only one in line.

 

He knew how to talk to women

 

He knew how to have fun, in more ways than one. He was open to trying almost anything, new foods, new places to go, new things to try. He would try almost anything once.

 

We went to a state fair one time, and there wasn't a ride he was scared of. He talked me into riding, I think it was called the hammer, a pair of seats on the end of beam that was swung in a loop. It was an awesome ride. No other man would have ever been able to get me to try it.

 

And boy could he be rude. Have you ever been out in public, and somebody, salesman, waitress, whatever, acted in a rude way. He would not put up with that and would out rude them.

 

I could go on, as that is only a beginning of the list

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Hmmm May the fate save me from the good girls that end up in the hands of the bad boys... I would not use the words good girls to describe them either!

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I just invented a phrase for this thread. Opposites attract.

 

Ohh but they are not the oposite... just pretend to be...

 

Good girls don't end up in the bad boys hands... believe me!

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TouchedByViolet

When I think bad boy some very specific negative thoughts come to mind... liar, cheater, people user, selfish, and STILL highly successful with women.

 

These men generally have better than average looks and excellent social skills. They naturally operate on a level that women find attractive. They aren't thinking about what women like then acting on it. They simply know what to say and when to say it.

 

It's more than being bold, or persistent. They are natural artists when put in front of women. I worked with a guy who was the quintessential bad boy

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It's such an overused corny term..

 

A real ughh "bad boy" is in prison or a sociopath..the term women use is more about image they see on tv or some made up thing..

 

What women mean by bad boy is overly agressive good looking charsimatic douche bag type..

 

To get away with this though you have to be good looking and charismatic

 

An ugly guy trying to be a "bad boy" will not get far

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Maybe it's they excitement. Could it be the girl is bad also? Maybe the ladies can explain their point of view.

 

I think its more about being "FUN, Interesting, and Exciting" and a lot of men who "do what they want, and get what they want" are seen as leaders who has a lot of stuff going on.

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ThaWholigan
When I think bad boy some very specific negative thoughts come to mind... liar, cheater, people user, selfish, and STILL highly successful with women.

 

These men generally have better than average looks and excellent social skills. They naturally operate on a level that women find attractive. They aren't thinking about what women like then acting on it. They simply know what to say and when to say it.

 

It's more than being bold, or persistent. They are natural artists when put in front of women. I worked with a guy who was the quintessential bad boy

This implies it can't be learned or at least worked around - if such is insinuated I disagree - but this is largely accurate, yes.

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As someone said its more an image thing then anything else most sane people dont want a literally BAD person

 

Ghettos are the only place where a lot of women are actually turned on by real hardened criminals or "thugs" i guess because in these environments thats where the "status" is

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footballfan10
It's such an overused corny term..

 

A real ughh "bad boy" is in prison or a sociopath..the term women use is more about image they see on tv or some made up thing..

 

What women mean by bad boy is overly agressive good looking charsimatic douche bag type..

 

To get away with this though you have to be good looking and charismatic

 

An ugly guy trying to be a "bad boy" will not get far

 

This....

 

Their is (usually) a difference between what women call bad boys (confident James Dean types or Masculine Frat bros) and the real "bad boys" of society (murders/psychopaths/career criminals etc)

 

Healthy women would not go out/want the "real" bad boys...And the few insane women that do generally end up 6 feet under (dating Ted Bundy isn't a good survival strategy) the ground in a wooden box very quickly.

 

The chicks that are lusting over murderers or writing love letters to Scott Peterson are either crazy or mentally retarded. Hystophilla I think it's called...It's basically is the female version of Pedophilia (a bizare deviant form of sexual interest) it's not the norm nor should normal women be blamed for it just like normal men shouldn't be blamed for Pedophilia. There are insane freaks/perverts in both genders.

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My Ex was no thug. He was a dynamo who loved life. Nothing seemed to get him down.

 

He especially liked speed. He had a bike, not one of those hogs the thugs ride, but one of those imported ones that go from zero to very fast in the blink of an eye. Even with me on the back, there was nobody who could keep up. This was in the 80's, Color me Gone, era.

 

In the looks department, he was much shorter than I, with just average looks, but that smile.

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My Ex was no thug. He was a dynamo who loved life. Nothing seemed to get him down.

 

He especially liked speed. He had a bike, not one of those hogs the thugs ride, but one of those imported ones that go from zero to very fast in the blink of an eye. Even with me on the back, there was nobody who could keep up. This was in the 80's, Color me Gone, era.

 

In the looks department, he was much shorter than I, with just average looks, but that smile.

 

It is the third time I hear you putting your ex as an example... I wonder why it is an ex and not your boyfriend anymore...?

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SaltLakeJon
I admit to sometimes falling for some "bad boy" traits. Let's see if I can explain it.

 

I'm attracted to confidence, even if it borders on arrogance, above meekness and passivity. So, the guy who will have no hesitation to swoop in and kiss you -- yeah, that's hot, as opposed to the "nice guy" you're sitting on a couch with for hours who won't make a move.

 

I also find myself attracted to people who don't really care about what others think of them. "Bad boys" often have this quality.

 

And I'm attracted to people who have some life experience under their belt and who have tried a lot of different things, even if that includes mistakes. But the guy who's only done what everyone expected of him, who's never questioned or defied conventions -- that's kinda boring.

 

As far as the "wanting to change them," that's usually not a part of things at all when you start out. But over time, as you're trying to build a stable relationship with a future, yes it does become an aspect. If you're dealing with a wild guy, chances are you can't ever "tame" him and yeah you've got to walk away at some point.

 

As others have said, the ideal is a mix of nice guy and bad guy. Going too far to one side or the other is a problem.

 

Tip of the iceberg. Just the tip.

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You ever heard the saying..."treat your woman like a princess, **** her like a whore?"

 

Yeah...that might have something to do with it. ;)

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It's very simple. Bad boys are generally the most physically attractive, theyre the most exiting, and young women are simply drawn to them.

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"the most physically attractive"?

 

There is another thread about everybody being a little bit bi, and I am beginning to think most of the guys posting in this forum probably are, just from the above quote

 

You all seem to think you know what physically attractive is from a woman's point of view. It must be that streak of bi in them that makes them think that the guys they find attractive are the same that women find attractive.

 

As for attractive women, they are easy to pick out, butts, boobs, legs and a pretty face.

 

But a guys good looks are different

 

Have you ever noticed how often a big ugly bearded thug biker has a hot looking companion. I myself like beards, but trim them. But there are some women who get off on the longer the beard the better.

 

As I posted earlier my Ex was short and skinny. When we were out together I can't tell you the number of "What the hell does she see in him?" looks I got from other men. While most women, hardly noticed and it they did, they just smiled.

 

For a woman to find a man physically attractive it can be any number of things. Yes tall and broad shoulders. But also his smile, his rough hands, the way he holds his head up and his shoulders square. The way he confidently checks out your body then looks you in the eye and smiles, and then talks to you and not your boobs. And then it is what he says.

 

There is also that devil may care look you could see in their eyes.

 

You think a guy all dressed up in a suit and tie is hot. I thought my man was the hottest when he came in the house all smelly with sweat and covered with grease and gunk from working on our vehicles.

 

Now that's a man

 

My mistake was forgetting the long line of women that I had to fight thru to get to be the first in line, and that once there, there was another long line of women behind me waiting for me to make a mistake.

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40 Fonzarelli

Women just want a man who isn't afraid to be himself. Someone who doesn't try to get validation from others. Basically a guy that just doesn't give a **** and lives life on his own terms.

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It's very simple. Bad boys are generally the most physically attractive, theyre the most exiting, and young women are simply drawn to them.

 

No they're not, as NYWoman pointed out. I know lots of guys split the guys up into nice guys & bad boys to simplify discussion, but its just not as simple as that. I don't think a bad boy necessarily has to be a thug or law breaker, but it generally gets applied to someone who doesn't live conventionally, has a more exciting life and does not make their gf the No.1 priority in their life. You could simply grow your hair long and ride a Triumph bike, but still live a fairly mundane life and work in IT, but it would be enough to get you the 'bad boy' stamp for lots of women.

 

My sister and her friends did the bad boy chase in their early/md 20s. They could easily say they don't go for looks when it comes to men, and use those guys as examples, because those guys generally speaking were not handsome men. They were not unattractive either though, but they had the image & attitude. There was the surfer dude and a number of guys in rock bands and a couple of guys in street gangs (non criminal), a kick boxer. The guys were not especially good looking, but they were on the extrovert side and they were desired by other women and that was part of the appeal...just like in NYWoman's post. These guys, did not have the girls the focus of their life (most cheated). The girls hung off them. It's not always about looks, but where its lacking its helps if you substitute that deficit with an image/persona that appeals to women.

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Yeah, its false to say bad boys are "good looking" - its not like some biker dude is looking in the mirror all day or using face cream. Bad Boys aren't trying to be male models or actors. Bad Boys are unconventional and "not boring and mundane"

 

Its about "style" more than looks. Tattoos, piercings, biker clothes, rock star clothes, are all interesting. "Ugly Nice Guys" are just men who don't have any style or 'attitude' personality. Women wear makeup to look better, and Ugly Guys can change their style to look more appealing, fun and interesting.

 

Its about having an attitude to be a leader, take what you want, and get what you want. Its about not being wimpy or scared of a woman.

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