When friends step into intimacy how to remain friends and not let feelings grow

[gilded lily]

So here is my issue I am not sure it belongs here but I will tell my story. I am a female and there is this guy and we have been friends for about 6 years there was some time in between those six years where we never saw each other.

 

Four months ago we started talking on the phone again. Over the course of a few months I was offering support in regards to his girlfriend. As friends that was not an issue, we joked around saying that we should be dating as we were perfect for one another. Honestly I never gave the idea a second thought and neither did he.

 

About a month ago my friend finally got the courage to leave his girlfriend and it went fairly amicable. Guess it was something they both wanted. I was helping him through that because even though it may be amicable there are still moments were you need a shoulder to cry on. I spent a lot of time with him not just helping him grieve but going out and doing stuff watching movies having fun.

 

Well I guess about a week ago, he came over to my place and we were watching a movie and he was sitting in the corner and I was laying on the couch and we were talking about hands. He reached out and touched my hands.. he put one underneath my hand and the other on top and I just felt this electricity between us. I looked up at him and he leaned forward and kissed me.

 

I guess we were both shocked by the fact we had kissed. I covered up by saying I have no time for a relationship, I'm in my last year of university and i just have no time..

He said that he shouldn't be diving right into a relationship anyways as he has to deal with stuff. So we were both OK with it or so I thought. Things went back to normal after that kiss. Well he moved into his new place this week and asked if I would come over help him unpack and watch a movie. No problem I said. So I went over and we unpacked laughed and joked around. Then I started to notice little things about my friend. Like how good looking he was and how much we had in common. I could feel myself getting confused. We sat down and started watching the movie it was a comedy. During the movie we ended up cuddling as we had to watch the movie on the floor (his couch hadn't arrived.)

 

So what is my problem? My feelings have seemed to grow for this man. I never even saw this coming. I thought I was in complete control of my feelings and now I find myself thinking about being with him non-stop. I was the one who said I didn't want a relationship!!! I said this as I only wanted to cover up what I might feel for him. I panicked and got scared what should I do now? I know that he has to deal with things but how do I continue on with our friendship without letting my feelings grow any further? Is it possible?

[Merin]

Lily, whats wrong with allowing things to progress?

 

You've found an awesome person that you love spending time with, the two of you get along well and have seen each other through some harder times in life.

 

There are some people who are married for Godsake that can't even say that!

 

Don't freak out here girl, breathe........ he is STILL your friend that hasn't changed.

 

Let things progress, see where it goes. If you don't I think you will kick yourself in the ass later on;)

[gilded lily]

I can't agree more with you in the fact I have found a awesome person, that I do love spending time with. I guess I didn't want to think that maybe I was being selfish in wanting him because I know he has to heal. I want him to be happy and feel confident and I just want whats good for him.

 

So when you say let things progress... I guess I just go about our normal activities that we do hanging out, chatting and if things happen they happen? and not to freak out if they do?

 

I have spoken with him tonight not about that but it was first night out with the buddies since he moved away from his girlfriend. He asked me to go but I said that he should do this one with his buddies. He said that who knows what the future holds for us....and I told him your right... Who knows.. We have all the time in the world.

 

We will always be close and we can talk about anything. I know that he would probably even talk to me about this. I just don't know if I should even say anything. I think maybe keeping this one to myself might be a good idea. I really don't want him to feel any pressures. I also want him to be sure that he really wants to be with me and not because he is lonely.

 

So thats it in a nutshell... I will wait until he is ready. I guess?

[Merin]

Lily, yay!

 

LOL!!!

 

Yeah girl, just relax and keep doing what you've been doing.

 

It sounds to me that he has some of his own ideas that maybe something more could be there, so sit tight, keep the awesome friend you've found in him and see where it goes;)

[whichwayisup]

Just let whatever happens happen. It's obvious there's a connection and some sexual energy too! I would let it just go, enjoy the feelings and let it grow into something more. Seems like it's going that way!

 

Enjoy and have fun!!

[gilded lily]

Well I wish I could say that something was going to happen but as it sounds right now. That is a big fat NO! why? well this guy wanted to have a talk with me... I said sure

 

A while back I had told him I wasn't interested in getting involved with anyone. Well that came back to haunt me and he told me that he didn't think that he could date me because he couldn't imagine me going on dates with other people.

 

If he had paid attention he would have noticed that I haven't been out on a date the whole time since we had even become close. Regardless he is just so fresh out of a relationship that he shouldn't even be thinking that way.

 

So I guess it was my loss for saying that I didn't want to be tied down this year. Which is partly true, but who knows what the future holds right? I just had no idea what to even say to that. Should I have said that I was just saying that? That I really do want to be close with someone? i just don't know. So what did i do? I said nothing.