long distance headaches

[taughtmepatience]

My girlfriend and I were together for six absolutely wonderful months before she went away to college 3 months ago. We loved each other very much, and I still love her. However, our relationship seems to be eroding after three months of being apart. About a month ago, she began telling me that her feelings for me were changing, and she didn't feel as strongly about our relationship as she once did. She said she didn't feel as if we were really having a relationship, and felt as if it would be better if we were much more casual (ie. dating other people)about our relationship. We've been struggling with of and on casual/serious relationship ever since. I am very patient and can wait until she comes back.

 

However, last saturday, she told me that she had come to her senses, and that she loved me, and realized how special I really am. Just the next monday after that she began telling me that she is lying to herself and she wasn't even sure how she felt about me. This past couple of days have been getting worse and worse. Now, shes telling me that thinking about me doesn't turn her on at all anymore... all this and she's coming back in two days! I'm beginning to be frustrated because I really care for her and I simply want to wait until she comes back to see if we recapture the magic that we once had. I've been talking to my friends, mother, sister... etc, but I would greatly appreciate an opinion from an outside source, especially from some people as obviously knowledgeable as some of you are. Its especially frustrating becuase she often calls me twice a day, and we end up talking in circles repeatedly. My question is whether I should continue trying to hold onto this relationship? Should I try not to talk to her until she gets back? Just some general opinions would be appreciated.

 

ps. I just came across this websight a couple of days ago and love it.

[Tony T]

You can't direct the course of love...it just goes wherever it well pleases.

 

Relax. Stop worrying so much about this. So she's been away and college and I'm only assuming (you didn't say) she's coming home for the Christmas holidays and will be away again after the first of the year.

 

My vote is to play her little game of confusion. Play it cool and casual while she is in town. Don't press to get things back the way they were. That may very well drive her crazy and she may then try to work on getting the relationship back in order herself. But if she doesn't just don't worry about it.

 

Overall, she sounds way too young to be settling on one guy right now. And she's at an age where she needs a guy around her, in her proximity, to reinforce her feelings on a continuing basis. This long distance thing will not work out in the long run so I see no reason you should work your butt off to break your own heart.

 

The best chance you have here is to play it cool beyond imagination, not be bothered by her fickle nature (this girl is nuts, changes her mind by the day), free her to see other people, and start seeing other people yourself.

 

You will drive yourself absolutely insane if you continue to try to keep this all together while she is away at college and you aren't with her. You'll feel a lot better about the whole thing...eventually...if you just let love flow in whatever direction it will.

 

I urge you to be the coolest dude on the planet, don't get mushy with her when she comes home...don't even discuss the relationship, and start seeing other people when she goes back. When you see her over Christmas, just be cool, casual and have lots of fun. Don't get serious. I mean this girl has given you so many confused messages. And if she says she wants to talk about it, by all means do so. And let her know very very very very very clearly that you just won't put up with her indecisiveness...and then invite her to go do something fun...and forget the serious stuff.

 

Follow the same directions if the is not going back to college. This girl is way too flakey for you right now. Give her some time to mature.

 

But to the degree that you can be cool and not pressure her for some kind of return to the old relationship is the degree she will die to want you back. Women DO NOT like lovesick wimps who get on their knees and beg. They rather respect men who give them their crap right back in their face two times over.

[sparkle]

Hello..

 

This girl sounds confused, VERY confused! She doesn't know what she wants and she's going to drive you crazy if she keeps telling you something different each time you talk.

 

Tony's right! Follow his advice and play it cool.

 

The more pressed you act for her, the longer she'll continue this behavior.

[Deejette]

This girl is jerking you around, and though you love her, maybe you can see that she is taking you on a roller-coaster ride of emotions and that she is in charge. One day she feels like one thing, the next day she feels like another, and you are like a yo-yo in her hands.

 

It is time for you to take hold of the situation and decide what it is that you really want. You may be attached to this girl, but she doesn't sound like a sure bet. First of all, she will be away from you most of the time and that doesn't make for a very fulfilling relationship. Secondly, she is on-again, off-again but calls you twice daily. These are mixed signals that show she wants to keep you but wants to exclude you too and date around.

 

Personally, if someone treated me the way she has been doing with you, I'd back off and say, "It's been great, I wish you the best, good luck and wish me the same as I go on my way!"

Hello.. This girl sounds confused, VERY confused! She doesn't know what she wants and she's going to drive you crazy if she keeps telling you something different each time you talk. Tony's right! Follow his advice and play it cool. The more pressed you act for her, the longer she'll continue this behavior.