Missypiggy08 Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 We are not married yet but have been together for 3 years. I'm stuck and need advice. My fiancé and i are a little over ten years apart. has always been a very unemotional guy he doesn't really care for intimacy in any form. he has gotten better to some extent. But Our sex drive is worlds apart we both have made an effort to meet in the middle and compromise but I can't help feeling like he only does it because he is obligated and wants to make me happy. He refuses to try anything new And sometimes he just completely blows me off it hurts more than I can explain. It doesn't seem like it should be this way I've heard of women holding out on the man but never the other way around. I feel embarrassed once I came to bed dressed up and he laughed at me. We have blow ups about it every now and then and he always apologizes and promises he'll do better but it makes me feel so guilty. He is a wonderful man who I love more than anything I am happy in every other aspect. This is our only thing we fight about and have for 3 years. I'm worried it will only get worse with marriage. As painful as it is to think about will this be the end of us? Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 I'm worried it will only get worse with marriage It will. The question of if it is the end of your relationship is all up to you. Is it getting worse a deal-breaker or something you can live with? Answer that and there's your decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Well, obviously secretly he already has a woman he loves in his head but the woman he loves hasn't realized it yet. So he's waiting around for her. She's in the distance, and he's remotely watching her, if you know what I mean. I'm sure you've done that before. That's why he doesn't really pay attention to you, and just keeps you around for sexual release when his horny urges flare up. You're not his soulmate in any form. Unless you want to stick around for the money or whatever benefit he provides, I advise that you get going with your life and stop waiting for a deadbeat. He won't give out. You know that in order to have a secure sense of mind, you must have a good sex life. For the sake of your sanity, leave him. And go find another man who'll be happy to please you in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I'm not inclined as is lovelyde, to think affair. As you say he is ten years older and a reserved guy. Not everyone has a huge sex drive. But will this get better after marriage? Probably not. It's tricky - you can't badger him into desiring you more. But you can have a very frank " his needs of you, your needs of him " session where you lay this issue out in detail. What will it take - some kinky act he is too reserved to ask for? Porn? A " free bonk right now" card with an expiry date? Put the issue firmly before him but not frequently - you can't nag someone into finding you sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Well, obviously secretly he already has a woman he loves in his head but the woman he loves hasn't realized it yet. That's not at all obvious. Your theories are all actually pretty far fetched, unless you have more information about this than the OP has shared? I'm worried it will only get worse with marriage. It's probably not going to get better. Don't expect it to get better, anyway. You can't marry someone hoping that they'll change. If you marry someone, you should be in love with everything about them, or at least perfectly happy to live with their faults. Link to post Share on other sites
Harlequin_Dog Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Hey OP! I can totally emphasize with your situation. I dated a guy once for 3.5 years that I was extremely serious with. We didn't live together, but we commonly 'lived' at each others apartments. One of the main reasons I ended up leaving him was our vastly different needs in bed. I was considerably more needy than him, and he was never able to meet my need. For me- this was a major roadblock and ultimately something I could not compromise on in a relationship. I feel like you need to figure out how important sex is to your personal needs and decide from there. You cannot change him, and he will probably never be able to fully meet your needs. Is this ok and can you live this way? Link to post Share on other sites
ZombieBarbie Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 I broke up with my boyfriend of six years for the same problem. People don't change unless they want to. Do you have that much time on your hands to wait? Kick him to the curb! Link to post Share on other sites
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