Author lilmisscantbewrong Posted March 27, 2013 Author Share Posted March 27, 2013 I'm not JohnJacobs, but my H's affair was an EA (non-physical) and we reconciled. The not being physical part wasn't why we reconciled but it definitely helped. It hurt a lot to think of him emotionally connecting to another female, saying "I love you", etc. It still hurts. But I don't have to pile on top of that any mind movies of the two of them being intimate. It isn't why we reconciled, but it made it easier. I can tell you this - I would have greatly preferred that he had a one night stand to a 2 month EA. That does help. Yes, I know that after d-day we maintained contact for awhile and then he broke it off trying to do the right thing. About two months later my adult daughter felt the need to meet with my xomm in order to get some answers. He did meet with her oddly enough. A few days afterward my husband was trying to convince me that he was just after sex and I didn't understand how a male felt and thought. My daughter happened to be sitting there during this conversation and he said "go ahead and tell her". My daughter had to admit she had met with my xomm and said "it's not true - I have spoken with him and he does love her". My husband proceeded to blow up and eventually texted the xomm's wife and asked her if she knew how deep these feelings were and she said "yes - that's what makes all of this so hard" So it stands to reason that a one night stand might be more easily dealt with that the deep emotions of an EA or one that eventually led to a PA as mine did. Link to post Share on other sites
contender Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Contender, sometimes people find others right away to fill a void. A distraction of sorts because break ups are too painful? Transition relationships happen all the time. Maybe she got the impression you had no intention of leaving your spouse. Maybe you told her you would be in contact and she waited, and waited, and waited and figured you were never coming back. Have you tried talking to her?! Just a thought.... She was already lining up other options as our affair was winding down (we had already decided to go NC on a certain date), so I don't think that was the case in this instance. If there was a void, it was from her unfulfilling marriage or general dissatisfaction in life, not from losing me. Link to post Share on other sites
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