Why stay?

[HopingAgain]

Beautiful! This helps renew my faith in the reconciliation proccess. I will have to refer to this for inspiration in the future when I have doubtful days

 

 

I will tell you why I stayed. It was a horrible and ridiculous time, my MM confused as to what he wanted - he was caught up in feelings for another woman. We seperated. I just wanted nothing to do with him.

 

The thing is- when people talk about the affair- it seems like a love story between the Ap and the WS. Actually that is all you ever hear about- The WS and Ap are torn apart by a Bs and responsibilities to children - to a marraige that could never be good- after all why would someone have an affair-if they were so happy. It just happened- we were drawn to each other.

 

However, what I feel is totally overlooked by most AP's is that may be their love story- but you are totally over looking the love story between the WS and BS.

I get tired and weary from hearing Ap's talk about how they had their one and true love with the WS. He already has that- he has his one true love and it came way before you. And as many love stories start-- WE were drawn to each other too. It just happened. When I met my Ws I wanted nothing to do with him. My mother was dying- I wanted no one- yet he came into my life and turned into my Knight in Shining Armor - it was a chance meeting but something clicked- he was nothing like the man I thought I'd marry. He saved me from a place I never thought I would be. When i looked into his eyes - I felt safe and loved and he did with me as well. We came together we made love - like you we laughed - we held hands and our hearts collided. We built a life together out of this love. We Have a love story TOO.

 

So when you think that the WS is living a torturous life. They too had a meeting - they too had days that they looked into each other's eyes and told each other secrets that may be long forgotten - but they too had a whirlwind of excitement. They too had days where they couldn't keep their hands off of each other- couldn't stand to be apart. It may have been years ago, but when it is snatched away from them, by poor choices made by one or the other, and with a risk of losing it forever, becomes clear and bright. They had walked down that aisle and said I choose you forever.

 

Most WS aren't staying with thier BS because they have to- they are at a place that their choices may have cost them a lifetime of memories- That choosing to sleep with another - may truly cost them the love of their lives. So when they say I can't leave and give you the assorted reasons-to win you over --- Remember---------This isn't about they built a family together - the must stay for the children- because they have a house because it would ruin them financially. It is a clear choice to stay and continue the love story they created together with their BS.

 

 

 

Yes- I left- and my WS spent a year telling me he could not live without me- Yes he called the AP and told her he missed her.- something he doesn't understand to this day- I could have cared less what he did with her. People call this a fog- I call it stupidity.

 

But when it came down to it - after years of hurt and pain- the love story continues with me and my husband. He could have chose the Ap- I could have chose another.

 

But I chose my original love story. Don't forget while you are running around - sneaking away for your stolen minutes - the man of your dreams has already been there and done that with the woman he chose to spend the rest of his life with.

 

I chose to be with him for the rest of my life and stay because we rekindled our love story- we chose to live and realize that our love story - although worn by the test of time- is still and will always be our own unique love story - One that includes financial problems and running around to baseball and soccer games and now an affair---------yes we may be too tired to jump each other every other second for a quicky- but that is our love story.

 

 

The question should not be- Why did you stay- but why did the WS stay. The WS has a choice you know.

 

People move mountains to be with the one they love! My WS moved mountains for me- to save the love story we shared.

[HopingAgain]

I gave this a lot of thought during my reconciliation and IC.

 

My two young kids gave me the motivation to stick it out when it got really hard.

 

If not for the kids, I most likely would've eventually walked away at some point and divorced. I'll point out that there were many times that I walked out the front door not knowing if I was coming back.

 

I wouldn't say that "I stayed for the kids". My thinking was if I did end up divorcing my WW, I wanted to be able to tell my kids that I gave it my all to make it work.

 

I'm pretty much at the same place right now. I am still very much in love my with husband though, kids or no kids. But also weighing out the pros and cons.

[Spark1111]

I gave this a lot of thought during my reconciliation and IC.

 

My two young kids gave me the motivation to stick it out when it got really hard.

 

If not for the kids, I most likely would've eventually walked away at some point and divorced. I'll point out that there were many times that I walked out the front door not knowing if I was coming back.

 

I wouldn't say that "I stayed for the kids". My thinking was if I did end up divorcing my WW, I wanted to be able to tell my kids that I gave it my all to make it work.

 

Like B&S, I did not stay for the children. But they played a large factor in my decision to give reconciliation a shot months after DDAY, so I too could tell them I gave it my all to make it work.

 

I loved him, always have and always will, but was unsure if I could ever trust him again; and the last, and most important final frontier (for me) ....RESPECT him again.

[thomasb]

My wife and I had no children together. But, ludicrously the OW told her cousin who worked with us that I must have stayed for the children. It is just another fox and grapes for some of them. I stayed with my wife and she stayed with me because we loved each other. No other reason. It took an awfully lot of courage to take the step to rebuild for us. I am glad neither if us are cowards.