Why stay?

[egalew]

Question. For those who decided to stay after discovering their spouse's affair what was the reason? And those who proceeded with divorce, what was the reason?

 

After discovery, can you ever really trust them again?

[krazikat]

Question. For those who decided to stay after discovering their spouse's affair what was the reason? And those who proceeded with divorce, what was the reason?

 

After discovery, can you ever really trust them again?

 

I always said i would be done with him if he cheated. However, once I was slapped in the face with the fact of the lta, after i freaked out and panicked and cried and freaked out some more, after I called the divorce attorney, cussed out the ow...who got very crazy with me which is why i let her have it,well, after i thought about him, our marriage and what I had done...YES, I CONTRIBUTED TO MAKING MY HUSBAND FEEL LIKE I DIDNT LOVE HIM, DIDNT WANT HIM, THAT I WAS GOING TO LEAVE HIM. I dont think that his cheating was ok, i dont excuse his cheating, but I was not perfect. I love him, he loves me. I realized that we need to try together to rebuild our marriage. If he cheats again, than I will know at least I tried, and that I was true to my vows. I am not scared of being alone...I am an attractive woman...I am successful and confident. I do not need my husband financially, and have initiated a post nuptual so if he strays again or it doesnt work out we will both walk away. I would not seek spousal or child support but would maintain full custody of our children with frequent involement and visitation with him. He will not seek spousal support. We love each other very much, and I am willing to take another chance.

[eleanorrigby]

I always said i would be done with him if he cheated. However, once I was slapped in the face with the fact of the lta, after i freaked out and panicked and cried and freaked out some more, after I called the divorce attorney, cussed out the ow...who got very crazy with me which is why i let her have it,well, after i thought about him, our marriage and what I had done...YES, I CONTRIBUTED TO MAKING MY HUSBAND FEEL LIKE I DIDNT LOVE HIM, DIDNT WANT HIM, THAT I WAS GOING TO LEAVE HIM. I dont think that his cheating was ok, i dont excuse his cheating, but I was not perfect. I love him, he loves me.

 

 

 

You sound like me. It's always helpful to me when I read of other BS that had a similar reaction to mine at D-Day. Feeling ashamed that I wasn't "strong" at d-day has been something I've had a difficult time getting over..

[krazikat]

Question. For those who decided to stay after discovering their spouse's affair what was the reason? And those who proceeded with divorce, what was the reason?

 

After discovery, can you ever really trust them again?

 

I always said i would be done with him if he cheated. However, once I was slapped in the face with the fact of the lta, after i freaked out and panicked and cried and freaked out some more, after I called the divorce attorney, cussed out the ow...who got very crazy with me which is why i let her have it,well, after i thought about him, our marriage and what I had done...YES, I CONTRIBUTED TO MAKING MY HUSBAND FEEL LIKE I DIDNT LOVE HIM, DIDNT WANT HIM, THAT I WAS GOING TO LEAVE HIM. I dont think that his cheating was ok, i dont excuse his cheating, but I was not perfect. I love him, he loves me. I realized that we need to try together to rebuild our marriage. If he cheats again, than I will know at least I tried, and that I was true to my vows. I am not scared of being alone...I am an attractive woman...I am successful and confident. I do not need my husband financially, and have initiated a post nuptual so if he strays again or it doesnt work out we will both walk away. I would not seek spousal or child support but would maintain full custody of our children with frequent involement and visitation with him. He will not seek spousal support. We love each other very much, and I am willing to take another chance.

[krazikat]

You sound like me. It's always helpful to me when I read of other BS that had a similar reaction to mine at D-Day. Feeling ashamed that I wasn't "strong" at d-day has been something I've had a difficult time getting over..

 

Oh ya, I went a little crazy...the ow said some really crazy things to me, like I was the Ow or something. I was pissed, and flipped out. All my grace and calm flew out, and the krazi stepped right in to play. She was very disrespectful, but after a few weeks I realized she was hurt, too. She knew she was with a married man, but believed his lies. My husband got his dose, too. But now that I have thought about it, I can say I dont regret the crazy because I was disrespected by her to the extreme. Well, I guess I should say I dont feel guilty about it. It was a huge blow. I never would have said the things I said if she had not been so rude, so I will not let myself feel guilty for telling her all about herself. Or my husband. He betrayed me, lied straight to my face for years. So now it is out of my system and I can focus on forgiving ow and working on R with my wh. I dont think you will ever know how you will react until it is in your face. And even if you are trying to stay calm, in an emotional situation like this, if the ow goes crazy, then no holding back for me!

[jnel921]

Why stay? Why leave?

 

It's all a matter of where you are in your marriage. Some survive with work, and it takes work... Some leave because there is no remorse. I feel that choice is for the best.

 

I left my first H and stayed with my second.

 

He was truly remorseful.

 

Do I expect him to hurt me again? No.... But if does the decision of what to do will be very easy.

[road]

Question. For those who decided to stay after discovering their spouse's affair what was the reason? And those who proceeded with divorce, what was the reason?

 

After discovery, can you ever really trust them again?

 

The BS stays because the want to. That is the only decision to be made. If the BS wants to stay then they are making the right decision.

 

Now there are many reasons to stay. Weighing those reasons is how the BS makes their decision.

 

As Ann Landers said many time in response to being asked should I stay with my WS, she said: ask yourself are you better off with them or without them.