Flier Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) I went through a very painful breakup recently with a man who said that he wanted to marry me. We broke up for more reasons than date profiles. I have a bit of a rant about inactive but visible dating profiles. He thinks that I am unreasonable because I was upset that he was irritated and slow to take down a dating profile after I saw it and asked him to. His excuse is that he was not actively using it or even visiting the site, which is true. I could tell that it was true from his profile "recent activity." I had hidden my profile after I met him, and forgot to cancel my subscription, then when I remembered to cancel subscription, I saw his photo still on my homepage as a favorite. This happened after 6 months of a serious relationship. We broke up for several reasons, and when we got back together, he did the same thing again. IMO, keeping up an online page that says that a person is looking for dates is very disrespectful to their partner in a committed relationship. It is like an advertisement that says that YOU are not what they are looking for. Even if they are not using it or checking their mail, it can only serve to invite attention from people in town who see it and know that person. Any thoughts? I was in denial for a while until I thought this through. Edited March 25, 2013 by Flier Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy fields Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 I am confused. He said he wanted to marry you, yet he was still advertising himself on a dating website? Did you ask him to take it down and he refused? Why would an engaged person have a dating profile? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Flier Posted March 25, 2013 Author Share Posted March 25, 2013 Hi Poppyfields, He did not refuse, but it took several weeks of irritation from me before he finally took it down. Yes, why would an engaged guy keep a profile up? Well in a small town, someone might see it and flirt with him. That is the only reason I can think of. He did want to marry me I think, but wanted to have his cake and eat it too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 No, that's not acceptable at all. Once people are dating exclusively, all dating profiles, used or not, come -down-. If I read your OP correctly this is an ex, so think you were wise to end that relationship. He was definitely in the wrong, try to put it past you and good luck moving forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Flier Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 Thank you, desein. I have left him but it is helpful to me to hear supportive comments from others after being told by him for so long that I was being upset over nothing. I had read a lot of online postings about dating profiles where people seem to think that unused profiles are OK and it frustrates me...they don't think about how disrespectful an online dating ad is to a partner even if unused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Flier Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) I am the original poster on this thread. Wow! My ex-fiance told me a few days ago,as we were discussing our last breakup, that when we got together the last time for a re-try in December, and I stupidly put my engagement ring back on my finger, that he did not consider us to be "going together". He told me at the time that he wanted and loved only me, and wanted me to move in with him. His excuse for not considering me his girlfriend yet, was that he was afraid that I would leave him again. (I left before over his shady behavior and lies) I had even told my family that we were re-engaged! I asked him why he let me put the ring back on if he was not ready to even consider me to be his girlfriend, and he replied, "what was I supposed to say?" Try honesty, JERK!! I am 53 and should have known better. I almost feel violated when I think of how I slept with him again, and want to hurl that ring into the trash. Before he met me online, he was dating a girl and telling her that he wanted her only too. As he was secretly trolling date sites. I accepted his excuse that he was not going with her at the time. She told me another story and I chose to believe him, sort of, but my doubts were an acid that ultimately destroyed us as I slowly added things up. I was in denial. What a fool I was. Please, never ignore red flags. There are good and honest people out there. And I will never talk to that fool again....if I can control myself and stop sending him angry texts! Thanks for listening. Edited April 2, 2013 by Flier Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Thanks for the update. I hope some people learn from this thread and don't ignore the red flags. I hope you still have the ring. You can sell it. Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 slow to take down a dating profile He needed time, it's a slow process. You see finding a girl on the side takes a lot longer than deleting a profile. It takes five seconds to delete a profile and almost as quick to make a new profile on a different site. If your significant other is "slow to take down a dating profile" you are dating a lazy cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted April 7, 2013 Share Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) I was totally in love with my ex...didn't want anyone else. I canceled my subscription to the dating site I met him on no longer looked at it but i didn't actually delete it. I did render it inactive though and asked them to no longer send matches. If you know he's not using it then I wouldn't be too bothered. However once he knew you wanted him to take it down, he ought to have. I would not have to be asked more than once. Edited April 7, 2013 by Amelie1980 Link to post Share on other sites
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