Bunkster Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 My husband and I have been married for eight years and have been together for 10 years. We have had a happy marriage although it has had its ups and downs. We have had a tough couple of years though. My life has changed drastically due to my mom being very sick and passing away at the age of 66. I have been on a personal mission to change my life over the last several months since her passing. I don't want to be the unmotivated, unhealthy person that I've been my whole life. I started exercising, have lost weight, have reconnected my faith with the Lord, and have been trying to focus my life on things that are rewarding like volunteer work and spending time with family. My husband has not followed me on this journey. I have begged him to partake in these events with me but he has not wanted to. When my mom passed away, he promised he was going to start to be healthy and take care of himself. I have been successful in changing my life but he has not. I realized in the last year that life is too precious to spare a second which is why I have taken all of these steps to change my life. My husband is not the same. He is the same person he was two years ago and even 10 years ago when I met him. I have grown and am completely different. I am afraid that since he has not taken the steps I have, it is causing us to grow apart. We don't share the same interests now. Ive noticed our sex life is not the same either. My husband has started to talk poorly about himself. Very often he will comment on how small his package is and then proceeds to ask me if I still want it. I have never ever had a problem with the size of his package. Our sex life prior to this was wonderful; at least a couple times a week. I have talked to him about the comments he makes about himself and told him exactly how it made me feel and probably made him feel as small as he says he is! The comments have stopped which is good but now I think they messed with my head. Now I don't want to have sex with him-I have no interest. My question to you guys is what can I do to refocus my marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
pinkie Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Sounds like your husband has become insecure since your lifestyle change. Which in turn, has turned you off of him sexually. It sounds like MC might be a wise decision in short order. Especially if he 'feels' left behind, but refuses to catch up and you feel that you are growing apart. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 And in return, my question to you would be, What do you WANT to do about it - if anything at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bunkster Posted March 25, 2013 Author Share Posted March 25, 2013 And in return, my question to you would be, What do you WANT to do about it - if anything at all? To answer your question what do I want? I want us to be happy again and I will do whatever it takes to get there. He is all I have left! I have no other family. I am happy with the new me and I think he is too on some levels. I just don't think I am happy with the old him. I know that sounds horrible but I see how we used to be and I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't want to make any drastic moves especially for the fact that I'm still grieving for the loss of my mom and I don't want to do anything I would regret. I think counseling is a good idea, but I don't think he will feel the same way. He is not a very good communicator. He doesn't like to talk about his feelings and he's a very shy person. I can't see him being comfortable with going to talk to someone about this. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 This is not what you want to hear, but you can't fix him, you can't motivate him, and you can't make him keep up with you. There is nothing you can do from your end to convince him he needs to address the issues you are finding difficulty dealing with. All your insistence is doing, all your progress is doing - is simply making him feel inadequate, undesirable, and not good enough. But rather than give him the added impetus he needs to square up to it, and deal with it - it's actually crumbling his self-esteem.... And clearly, his comments on his package are evidence of that. And why you consider his comments to have messed with your mind in regard to this, is a mystery. It's far more accurate to say that since he mentioned it, evaluating him from the standpoint of the 'new you' - what's really messing with your mind, is that you now think he's right. Instead of asking us what you should do - what don't you ask him what he thinks should happen? Because clearly, you are far from content with things as they are.... and he's not coming up to par, in your eyes. Accepting things the way they are, would be the healthiest thing for your marriage. You loved him before, as he was - as he is..... simply because you've 'changed', why do you think he has to match up with you? because what you're asking of him, actually, is grossly unfair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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