the ex popped into my work!

[grace777]

So my ex and I have been broken up for 6 months and were together for 3.5 years. Our relationship was honestly beautiful. We got along great, had great chemistry, rarely argued, and thoroughly respected and enjoyed one another's company. However there's a 13 year age gap (I'm older) and she recently moved out of state to finish school. Although we tried to work it out, it just didn't. She left me, unexpectedly, for another woman - we're lesbians btw.

 

Well, I've been through Hell itself, trying to get over her. And I can finally say that I'm 90% of the way there. I am even talking to someone new who I really, really like. My ex, on the other hand, jumped immediately into this new relationship. She's been painting a picture this whole time that she's happy and majorly in love with the girl she left me for - they've talked marriage and moved at lightning speed in their relationship.

 

My ex is in town for a visit and brought the new girl along. She proclaimed this loudly on facebook with millions of status updates (when she rarely posts), and I didn't acknowledge anything. I have been going about my life. My ex and I haven't really talked much lately. We barely text and she'd been distant, so I let it go. The last time we spoke on the phone was early Feb. The last time we hung out in person was early Jan.

 

Today, out of the blue, she popped in on me at work! I was in an informal meeting. She then let me know that the new girl, the girl she left me for (and maybe even cheated on me with) was outside my office. She asked if I wanted to say hi?!! Not wanting to look meek or insecure, I said sure. So I confidently stood up and walked out that door, head high and shoulders back! I smiled at her and pleasantly said "hi (new girl's name)." The new girl wasn't expecting this and was SUPER insecure, fidgety and wouldn't make eye-contact. The entire interaction lasted maybe 2 minutes and then I got called back into my meeting. I left, said it was good to see you. Have fun, but I have to go.

 

That was in the morning. About 6 hours later, I get a text from my ex saying "it was great to see you. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable by coming by." Again, trying to maintain dignity and the upper hand, I replied by saying "it was nice to see you too. and you don't make me uncomfortable."

 

Flash forward two hours... I'm on my front patio and she does a drive-by of my place!

 

Okay, what the Hell is going on here?!! First of all, what the F would you show up to my freaking work unannounced?! AND with the girl you left me for?! Then, why text? And ultimately, why do the sneaky drive-by?

 

I have been in a good place for a couple months now. And I tried to maintain a friendship with her at this time, but I was only getting the cold shoulder so stopped. So WHY now all this?

 

I feel bombarded and now am frazzled and confused. She leaves in a few days, but what the heck?! What is the meaning behind this?

 

I'd love any insight.

[Am4Real]

All of it sounds strange. Who knows what she is up to thinking?

 

Is is possible you have indicated you were over her and indifferent at this time since you broke up and she is trying to establish a friendship?

[cavalier99]

Ha weird. Lol Shes just having a weak moment. Doesnt mean she wants back. Plus there really isnt any going back and you shouldnt even if it was an option. They obiously think of us at times but it doesnt change anything. She probably senses you are moving on. That is when they show up. lol

 

Dont let this derail you. Take it as a ego boost for you and knowlege that you were (past tense) a good girlfirend to her and she remembers you fondly and you will be this again in your next relationship. keep on going. Ha tables have turned. Feel sorry for new girl. That was a dick move on part of your ex. Your ex seem insecure and wanted to either rub how great new girl is in your face or there is trouble in paradise and was using you. Either way she isnt as over you as she pretends. Just forget about it. Weird. Cav

 

ps im getting to the point if my ex came back id turn her down. Ive been thru too much pain and healing to ever go back..once its broken its broken. I think this is a side effect of the recovery process and NC. NO GOING BACK! Rock On!

Edited March 26, 2013 by cavalier99

[grace777]

Am4real - well, I'd say that yes, she's sensed I have moved on and wants to be friends. However for the last month or two that's what we've been talking about and she's been more distant than ever...till today.

 

Cav - don't you worry! I will NOT go back to her (not that she wants this). But still, yes, the tables have in fact turned - and it feels so f***ing good! If nothing else, this whole thing just shows me that she did value who I was and who we were together...something that she never communicated in the breakup before now.

 

I have to wonder, though, how must the new girl feel about all this? I mean I'm sure she didn't know about the sneaky drive by, but it must suck for your lover to say "hey, I wanna swing by my ex's work real quick and say hi..."

 

It rattled me for sure, but it will absolutely NOT derail me. I'm doing well and will keep doing well.

 

But her actions are just so confusing to me. No matter which angle I look at it from, it still makes zero sense for her to behave how she did today.

[cavalier99]

I think that maybe because they broke it off they tend to view things from the persepective that they have all these choices (you included).

 

Now that your moving on and she is most likley not in the honeymoon phase of her realtionship she feels a loss of control and begins to have some doubts and comparisons. Sorta of a inverse relationship to where we are. Maybe we are the lucky ones! Weve done a LOT of growing and hard earned character building. They havent necesarily and our strength probably leaves them slightly flabbergasted. Cav

Edited March 26, 2013 by cavalier99

[grace777]

I completely agree. I think she thought I'd still be the broken-hearted person she saw in November, or maybe even Dec. But no - I'm through that. I'm stronger and I am moving on / have moved on. Further, she met me at my work - I have an outstanding reputation at my job. And it's this way because I've worked hard and accomplished quite a bit over the last 12 years. So she saw me there, where I'm at my most confident.

 

Couple the newly grown mind-state I've achieved with healing and processing, with the confidence at work -- yeah, I was strong. The opposite of what she saw during the breakup. And quite honestly, part of why she fell in love with me in the first place.

 

I do have a feeling that their relationship is not quite as good as she's been portraying. But really, it makes no difference. I want her to be happy. I honestly do. But throughout all of this, I've wanted her to give some credit to the wonderful relationship we shared. She seemed to black it out and shroud it in anger or frustration, unjustifiably. Now I see her recognizing it - Jesus, 6 months later!

 

I agree - if she's just at the starting phase of recognizing the end, I do not envy that.

[cavalier99]

I completely agree. I think she thought I'd still be the broken-hearted person she saw in November, or maybe even Dec. But no - I'm through that. I'm stronger and I am moving on / have moved on. Further, she met me at my work - I have an outstanding reputation at my job. And it's this way because I've worked hard and accomplished quite a bit over the last 12 years. So she saw me there, where I'm at my most confident.

 

Couple the newly grown mind-state I've achieved with healing and processing, with the confidence at work -- yeah, I was strong. The opposite of what she saw during the breakup. And quite honestly, part of why she fell in love with me in the first place.

 

I do have a feeling that their relationship is not quite as good as she's been portraying. But really, it makes no difference. I want her to be happy. I honestly do. But throughout all of this, I've wanted her to give some credit to the wonderful relationship we shared. She seemed to black it out and shroud it in anger or frustration, unjustifiably. Now I see her recognizing it - Jesus, 6 months later!

 

I agree - if she's just at the starting phase of recognizing the end, I do not envy that.

 

Ha our drive bys were 6 months ago. Poor girl. Lol

[grace777]

Hahha! And also, excellent working in of the super-fun word, "flabbergasted"!!

[CC12]

But her actions are just so confusing to me. No matter which angle I look at it from, it still makes zero sense for her to behave how she did today.

 

Almost the same exact scenario happened to me. An ex came to "say hi" at my job. He had some girl with him. I'm pretty sure it was also Valentine's Day. We were not friends. I hadn't even spoken to him in weeks. At the time, I just thought it was weird, and I did wonder if he had done it to try to make me jealous, but I thought, "Nah, that would be ridiculously lame. No one would do that."

 

But now that I look back on it a few years later, I realize that yes, he absolutely did do it to make me jealous or to show off his new girlfriend or whatever. In retrospect, I realize that he was an extremely immature, insecure person who was not above pulling stunts like that.

 

And I don't know if your ex had those same motivations, but in any case, it was just super lame to show up at your job (you aren't friends) and to parade her new girlfriend around you. Roll your eyes and don't give it another thought.

[Am4Real]

Grace,

 

The drop-in and drive-by would signal to me she is not as happy in her new relationship as she might like to display.

 

Think about it, what purpose would it be to see an EX so few months after the split other than comparison of "how you are doing" with "how they are doing".

 

Adding to the support of another poster, once she is out of the honeymoon and initial decision phases, should it not be as great as perceived then, she is likely wondering if the decision was best overall. Doesn't mean anything to you. I would presume she does not see long term plans with new person and is trying to compare the both of you so choice number three will rank to her liking somewhere.

[Lost78]

I do not know how she would think that bringing the new gf around you would not affect you. It would be a different story if you accidentally ran into that scenario. Its funny how cruel an ex can be when they were so caring in the relationship. No one drives by an ex's house who they are over.

[Darren Steez]

I'll be super mean here..of course this is all conjecture but allow me

 

You were contacting her, not being super-needy but still displaying signs if an opportunity arose you would get back with her. SHE LIKED THAT

 

So you start to get over her, still sending her texts but she's with this other girl and she's cold shouldering you

 

You decide, when clarity hits you, you don't need to be friends with someone who shows such disregard for you and stop texting, she's like what the f*ck, her little ego boost is over. SHE DOESN'T LIKE THAT

 

So she decided to throw it in your face, a little act of revenge..."SO YOU'RE OVER ME? WELL WE'LL SEE"

 

I betting the other girlfriend didn't even know they were coming to see you, what possible reason could she have after treating you the way she did for so long to suddenly stop by your work, parade girlfriend in front of you then drive by your house?

 

She probably thinks, ok messages have stopped, she didn't seem bothered when I introduced her to girlfriend..THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE IN HER LIFE

 

and she can't stand it!!

 

Happy you're in a good place. You certainly don't need this kind of vindictive, selfish person in your life.

[cavalier99]

Ha being confident happy and indifferrent really is the best revenge (not that we want revenge..well sorta). This drives them crazy (at least for a bit) because it makes them wonder if they made the right move by breaking up. They were so sure of everthing and the decision to leave. No doubts at all. Now there might be that creeping nagging feeling that they made a mistake and they dont like it.

 

Anyway grace you should feel great about your progress and in the end what she is going thru isnt important. I hope everything goes well with the new girl! Cav

[Lost78]

Cavalier99, that makes much sense and is not mean at all. The first three paragraphs can describe my situation perfectly. Except my ex just texted only to ignore me rather than shove a new love in my face. Makes you think WTF? Just as much though.

[Lost78]

Sorry, I meant that message for Darren Steez.

[Video]

Shes testing you. You passed the test with flying colors. Keep it up!

 

She wanted to see how you would react. Shes a woman they do that...ive accepted this and i play along. Not necessarily a bad thing...just different than men. Im not even going to guess what this means by her showing up. All i know for certain is that she was definitely testing you and she was turned on by your confidence and is coming back for more.

[grace777]

Thanks for the responses everyone! I think the common threads here are that (1) she's super selfish for doing that (2) she's not over me, and (3) she and the new girl aren't as picture-perfect as she's been claiming.

 

Do you guys think she'll be pulling anymore stunts like this in the future? Either before she leaves in a few days, or another time?

 

I guess it doesn't matter either way, but the whole instance just sorta put me on edge.

[Am4Real]

"I would presume she does not see long term plans with new person and is trying to compare the both of you so choice number three will rank to her liking somewhere."

 

 

 

Do you guys think she'll be pulling anymore stunts like this in the future? Either before she leaves in a few days, or another time?

 

I guess it doesn't matter either way, but the whole instance just sorta put me on edge.