My ex bf is showing signs of regret

[maylis]

Oops, I posted this in coping and I meant to post it here.

 

So we haven't been in contact at all since we broke up 2 March. It was his decision. I left within 15 minutes of him explaining why (he says he cant offer me what I want in a relationship (didnt explain what) and that I am always unhappy (ridiculous statement). Anyway, i havent deleted him from fb and he has been posting youtubes. Normally since I have known him the only time he posted sad stuff was when I broke up with him last May. He has been posting sad songs with lyrics saying things like now she's gone and im a mess, we'll die the same loser, and this last one on Sunday with lyrics like why dont you change your mind, time is running out.

 

These arent coincidences with him, he has a VERY hard time talking about his feelings to people and he uses this as like a very indirect way to show his feelings.

 

My questions, is he ACTUALLY expecting me to contact him first? He is the one who broke up with me and all and he is aware I wasnt ok that we were breaking up and didnt want to etc.

Edited March 26, 2013 by maylis

[TaraMaiden]

You know what?

I'm going to come out and be utterly frank with you:

 

if a guy can't 'man up' swallow his pride and make an effort to express to you, directly, what he really wants to say - then you're going to be stuck with the anally-retentive, sullen, morose and uncommunicative BF for ever more if you make contact with him....

 

I'm imagining this to be almost Blackadder-ish comical.... sitting in a boat, on a slow-moving stream, floating past your window, singing wistfully to his mandolin....

wandering round town, where you will be, back of hand dramatically to forehead, sighing "Oh woe is me for my ladylove doth spurn my weeping heart!"

 

Oh for goodness' sake, quite with the drama.

 

D.R.A.M.A.

 

Damn Retard After More Attention.

 

If he really wants to revoke his previous decision, and try again - then maybe he should focus on telling you that, instead of indulging himself in all this 'pity-me party' crap.

[Renard99]

No, he's not expecting you to contact him. Even if he is in some way trying to say that, don't contact him. He knows where you are and how to contact you. That fact that he isn't should say something.

 

My ex broke up up with me after being together 7 and a half years. In the short period after we broke up whilst we still lived together (whilst she organised a new apartment) she was constantly crying, telling me she had never felt so down and that she "might have made the wrong decision". Despite this she still moved out and even after that, if I bumped into her friends in the street they always told me 'she misses you' and 'she's miserable without you. Here we are 2 years later and she never came back. I even found out, purely by accident, that my ex even considers breaking up with me one of the best things she could have done as it allowed her to sleep around and party like she wanted! Thankfully I'm well over her and I don't care but it just shows that despite what they say, they can still feel the break up was for the best.

[maylis]

No, he's not expecting you to contact him. Even if he is in some way trying to say that, don't contact him. He knows where you are and how to contact you. That fact that he isn't should say something.

 

 

Do you think he could crack soon and contact me? Even though yes, I looked at his facebook page..is he really expecting me to as well?

[TaraMaiden]

No, he won't crack soon.

He doesn't care about 'contact'. he just cares about 'notice me'....!

 

You need to block-de-friend him on FB and quite checking on him.

It's not feeding the love, it's feeding the Ego.

 

HIS Ego.

 

He's doing this for attention.

 

Please honey, show a little dignity, and don't give it to him....

 

How old are you guys anyway?

By the sound of it, under 19.....

[maylis]

No, he won't crack soon.

He doesn't care about 'contact'. he just cares about 'notice me'....!

 

You need to block-de-friend him on FB and quite checking on him.

It's not feeding the love, it's feeding the Ego.

 

HIS Ego.

 

He's doing this for attention.

 

Please honey, show a little dignity, and don't give it to him....

 

How old are you guys anyway?

By the sound of it, under 19.....

 

I am 31 and he is 33..

[TaraMaiden]

No....

 

You're 31.

 

He's 19.....

[Video]

Sounds like he has a lack of confidence. Being a guy i know all about this and im honest about it. If he feels like he cant give you what you want...thats in his head. And if you flat out told him hes not giving you enough he needs to be a man about it and fix the problem. Thats his job. Id move on he sounds confused.

[maylis]

Sounds like he has a lack of confidence. Being a guy i know all about this and im honest about it. If he feels like he cant give you what you want...thats in his head. And if you flat out told him hes not giving you enough he needs to be a man about it and fix the problem. Thats his job. Id move on he sounds confused.

 

 

He's a complicated guy, but I never would have thought on giving up on him. He does have a lack of self confidence and is ultra reserved with his feelings. He tries to give off this portrayal that he is quite confident etc. He's very open and friendly with people, but being his girlfriend is different. We were having some problems with his ex gf and then I was having some personal issues having nothing to do with our relationship, it was causing me to be stressed but I feel like he kept taking it personally all the time.

[Video]

He's a complicated guy, but I never would have thought on giving up on him. He does have a lack of self confidence and is ultra reserved with his feelings. He tries to give off this portrayal that he is quite confident etc. He's very open and friendly with people, but being his girlfriend is different. We were having some problems with his ex gf and then I was having some personal issues having nothing to do with our relationship, it was causing me to be stressed but I feel like he kept taking it personally all the time.

 

The man in the relationship is supposed to be the problem solver...he sounds like hes creating problems. A man needs to be attentive and listen and comforting. Does he fit any of these descriptions when you try to talk to him?

[maylis]

That seems like more reason to stay away. The man in the relationship is supposed to be the problem solver...he sounds like hes creating problems. A man needs to be attentive and listen and comforting. Does he fit any of these descriptions when you try to talk to him?

 

Yes, actually he is all of those things. But it is just the fact that I was still stressed I think, cos it was problems outside of the relationship and outside of his control. It just requires patience, and actually I have already fixed a couple of the problems in this past month we have been apart.

[TaraMaiden]

You have a seriously skewed stereotypical view of people... 'men are supposed to', 'A man needs to....'

 

This all went out of the window at least 15 years ago....

 

I'm sorry, but there is no such 'division' of responsibilities.

 

I don't quite know where you gained your impression of what peoples' roles are within a relationship, but these tasks fall to both parties, equally.

 

Tell me, how would you allocate these 'duties' within a gay relationship, exactly?

 

[Video]

Yes, actually he is all of those things. But it is just the fact that I was still stressed I think, cos it was problems outside of the relationship and outside of his control. It just requires patience, and actually I have already fixed a couple of the problems in this past month we have been apart.

 

Youre very forgiving.

 

Past actions are the best indicators of future actions (i think thats how it goes) so its very likely what hes doing he may continue to do. So its up to you to decide if your willing to put up with that. Us guys dont seem to learn very quickly when it comes to relationships. It took me losing a 6 year relationship to start to realize.

[Video]

You have a seriously skewed stereotypical view of people... 'men are supposed to', 'A man needs to....'

 

This all went out of the window at least 15 years ago....

 

I'm sorry, but there is no such 'division' of responsibilities.

 

I don't quite know where you gained your impression of what peoples' roles are within a relationship, but these tasks fall to both parties, equally.

 

Tell me, how would you allocate these 'duties' within a gay relationship, exactly?

 

 

I have no experience in that field all i know is that my woman are happiest when i fulfill these "duties". And i notice woman are miserable when i see there men are not. seems logical to me.

[maylis]

Youre very forgiving.

 

Past actions are the best indicators of future actions (i think thats how it goes) so its very likely what hes doing he may continue to do. So its up to you to decide if your willing to put up with that. Us guys dont seem to learn very quickly when it comes to relationships. It took me losing a 6 year relationship to start to realize.

 

 

In your opinion, do you think he will reach out to me based on his lack of confidence or would it have to be me?

[Video]

In your opinion, do you think he will reach out to me based on his lack of confidence or would it have to be me?

 

I couldnt say honestly because i dont know him. I know that for me if i want something bad enough i go for it.

 

I think that if he is worth your time he will come to you.

[maylis]

I couldnt say honestly because i dont know him. I know that for me if i want something bad enough i go for it.

 

I think that if he is worth your time he will come to you.

 

That's how I feel too and especially since he broke it off. It would be weird to expect me to disrespect what he he told me he wanted.

[Video]

That's how I feel too and especially since he broke it off. It would be weird to expect me to disrespect what he he told me he wanted.

 

Right. I believe relationships require balance. Your a lady, emotional by nature, you have needs. For balance the man needs to address these needs and solve the problem with his logical nature.

 

I believe if you follow this path of trying to go after him turning him into the needy one and feeding into him it disrupts this balance.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh good grief....

 

He's just being childish!

A Man of his age, now, should know how to handle matters like this constructively.

He should be 'comfortable in his own skin' without resorting to idiotic mind-games and playing with your emotions.

The guy's reverting to being a kid.

 

There is nothing decent or honourable about feeding a 9-year-old's ego and patting him on the head with a "there there, mommy wuves you weeely...."

 

This kind of behaviour is neither clever, nor endearing.

He's being pathetic, and frankly, it just turns me off completely.

 

If he's a man, he should behave like one, not like some weedy, lovelorn, winsome pubescent adolescent.

[Video]

Oh good grief....

 

He's just being childish!

A Man of his age, now, should know how to handle matters like this constructively.

He should be 'comfortable in his own skin' without resorting to idiotic mind-games and playing with your emotions.

The guy's reverting to being a kid.

 

There is nothing decent or honourable about feeding a 9-year-old's ego and patting him on the head with a "there there, mommy wuves you weeely...."

 

This kind of behaviour is neither clever, nor endearing.

He's being pathetic, and frankly, it just turns me off completely.

 

If he's a man, he should behave like one, not like some weedy, lovelorn, winsome pubescent adolescent.

 

Basically what i was getting at but in not so many words

[TaraMaiden]

Welcome to LoveShack.

 

You will rapidly learn that in my time here, I'm afraid I have earned something of a reputation.

 

"Queen of Mean - but in a Good way"

Mrs 'Tell-it-like-it-is'

Dame Hardcore No Contact

and "Madam Don't mess with me" are just some of the nicknames I have proudly acquired!!

[Video]

Welcome to LoveShack.

 

You will rapidly learn that in my time here, I'm afraid I have earned something of a reputation.

 

"Queen of Mean - but in a Good way"

Mrs 'Tell-it-like-it-is'

Dame Hardcore No Contact

and "Madam Don't mess with me" are just some of the nicknames I have proudly acquired!!

 

Thank you and nice to meet you

[Bigcitydreamer]

Hello, after reading your thread I'm not quite sure what you are like or your ex is like but I do know that my bf is also insecure.

 

He dumped me a month ago. I went NC for three weeks. He called a few times but not much (maybe 4 times and 2 of those times were right in a row). My head told me to not contact him, that if he missed me it should be his responsibility to contact me! Well after 3 weeks NC I wrote him a longish message on Facebook saying I missed him and I'm feeling good about myself and I respect his decision. He ended up wanting me back. I don't know if he would have ever contacted me if I didn't contact him. Sad? Yes, but he never felt "good enough" to be with me as I am more attractive/ intelligent (sounds ridiculous but it's true). So I contacted him feeling like I had nothing to lose as I was basically getting over him at high speed and could handle a let down no problem.

 

We now go back out. Started going back out a week ago. So we were broke up for less than a month and it was because I reached out. I doubt this would work for most and I don't want to give you false hope but if you have nothing to lose then why not. I didn't want to regret just walking away. And I know that we might not last. It almost feels silly to keep things going because a lot of the romance died. He is still nice to be and tells me he loves me and whatnot and I don't regret contacting him. He might screw me over again so who knows.

 

Only you know what type of people the 2 of you are. I'm not recommending contacting him but it did "work" for me..