Engaged and pregnant

[Video]

First off im new here. Ive been having some issues with my relationship and i really care about her so ive come here in search of answers because I want us to succeed. We got engaged about a month ago and just found out shes pregnant. So here it goes. And if you want the straight up question skip to the last two paragraphs but id like it if you could comment on the rest as well and give me your thoughts.

 

Now i know most of the right answers and please correct me if im wrong thats why im posting this. My issue right now is ive noticed my fiance hasnt been giving me as much attention since we moved in several months ago. She used to be on me like glue! I swear i think she wanted sex more than me and i thought that was impossible! Now its more like every couple to every few days. This started pretty much immediately after moving in.

 

I found out why. Im around too much. She gets way too much attention from me. Im easy...im not a challenge anymore. And woman dont seem to want something thats right in front of them. Heres how i know...she flat out told me! I never thought a woman would admit it but she straight up told me "Because i know I can get it whenever i want..." and for a while this drove me nuts. I thought thats dumb it doesnt make sense there must be another reason. But shes right...

 

When we first started going out we didnt live together. It was summer and i was outside, busy, and honestly i wasnt as in love with her as i am now. On top of that most of our time was spent at her parents with them home. I was right there but she couldnt have me...this drove her nuts and made her want me more! I used to say to her "Honey i really want to but your parents are here! We cant!" and she would go insane...i think logically so i say to myself dont tease yourself you cant get it anyway. And so we had to go drive somewhere or wait for them to leave.

 

I guess the real problem isnt how often we do it its that she doesnt seem to be attracted to me. So now of course she can have me whenever she wants. Wheres the fun in that? My mind doesnt work the same. Im saying to myself, shes right there go get it!!! And thats boring to her so she doesnt want to. Im texting her all the time, im all over her doing evrything she wants trying to be the best boyfriend. And the past months ive been drooling over her literally flipping the situation. And i want it back the way it was.

 

Before you say wow that selfish...honestly i know if i keep this up she will leave. She will become so bored with me shell seek something more exciting...a challenge. Its sick but true and ive accepted this. Im doing this to keep her...and it will make her happy as well. She always tells me I wish it was like before when we first started dating. So basically she doesnt realize shes asking me to back off...even though before she used to get upset sometimes that we didnt see eachother all the time. She doesnt realize that we were actually better off having more time a part. I think someone famous said "The thing thats missing most in relationships nowadays is missing" or something like that.

 

So heres my question. I know how much too much is obviously. But how much is not enough? I suppose its something that needs to be sort of felt and tested and im sure shell give me hints or flat out tell me. But maybe you peops have some hints? The texting thing ive figured out...text her when she texts me. Dont go out of my way to text her a million times. And you cant use the argument "you never text me" because if im not texting her its because shes not texting me. That way she controls how much i contact her. She gets what she wants sure, but she has to work for it a bit. She doesnt just get it without asking. ANd i think thats the balance. Give it to her when she wants it, not without her asking. I think thats when it becomes too much.

 

As for the sex...i need to make it more of a challenge. Shes allowed to say no to me...so why on gods earth can i not say no to her? I think i need to start saying no sometimes...and im pretty sure ill figure out when enough is enough and just give it to her. Maybe you can help me with this. Because i dont want to piss her off...i want to tease her. Know what i mean?

Edited March 26, 2013 by Video

[pink_sugar]

It sounds like she could have a sexual addiction. Every few days isn't enough? I think that is reasonable for a couple living together, although it's a bit insensitive for her to say she can have it whenever she wants. That's like saying I can all of a sudden sit at home and eat Twinkies in sweatpants and stop wearing makeup because we're already living together. Maybe the thrill of having sex anywhere like teenagers in the back of a car has stopped since you're living together. You're not sneaking around and enjoying the thrill anymore. But, nonetheless, you already have a baby on the way, so I would seek couples and sexual therapy to shed light on this issue.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy!

 

One of my first instincts when reading this was to advise you to read the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" book by Dr. Robert Glover. I've seen someone recommend it on this site, I read it and found it very useful. It's available to read in PDF online, so google it!

 

I hope I'm not projecting myself into your situation, but there's a lot of things you've written that remind me of myself as well as the things in the book (for example texting her all the time, etc.). I could be wrong, in which case no harm will be done by reading the book:) But I think it will give you food for thought about how to give enough attention to yourself (which is the basis for a good relationship, imo) and to her/the relationship/the baby.

 

And in a way, some things in your relationship remind me of my ex (she was upset when I would spend some time on my own, on the other she'd say the next day that we spend too much time together etc.). And I know that in that relationship I didn't know how to set my boundaries properly and, looking back, that book would probably have helped me a lot. There are also other books to be recommended, but I think others with more experience could give you their suggestions.

 

 

Also, I agree with Pink_sugar that you as a couple have things to sort out and therapy is definitely worth considering! I think that in general communication is sth that could be improved... For example, I didn't see (maybe I missed it...) in your post that you talked extensively to her about this, about the past etc., and I don't see you two trying to figure out how to improve this together (from what you've written it seems she just said she knows she can get it anytime she wants, but she didn't try to give you suggestions on how solve the issue...)...

 

I'd like to hear more about what you have been discussing, what possible changes did you talk about together as a couple?

 

 

Another thing -> I don't have experience in how pregnancy changes a person and a relationship, but from what I've heard and read is that it changes quite a lot and that it puts a big strain even on the "best" of couples/individuals. So I would strongly recommend that you pay attention on this forum (perhaps even post a question in the Pregnancy section) about what to expect, what to do etc.

 

 

So much for now (it's getting to be a long post), but I look forward to reading more from you. And again, congratulations and I wish all three of you lots of joy and happiness:)

[venusianx13]

Okay, well first off, since she's pregnant, she's going to have "moods" that seem inexplicable. She may also be a little turned off to sex for now, but that may very well change as the pregnancy progresses. You didn't mention how far along she is.

 

Otherwise, you both need to allow for opportunities to miss each other. You really must maintain interests of your own, or yes, you will get bored and/or become boring. Personal space, even while in a serious relationship, is important. It can be draining and frustrating to have someone around you all the time, and it's only logical that based on this dynamic that things become less exciting.

 

However, in all honesty, you shouldn't have to work hard or play games in order to appease your partner. Openly communicating your mutual needs, understanding them, and respecting them are the only thing that will allow for things to fall into sync. It really shouldn't entail "work" for the fear that your partner may leave you if you don't do things in such a way. That's not healthy.

[Video]

Thank you all for the replies. I think ive come to the conclusion that it just isnt exciting anymore because were living together now. And to be honest when i think about it, we didnt have as much sex as i thought. It was more that she was just jumping on me a lot more. We really didnt get chances all the time to have sex. Sometimes we would go days when i think about it and we werent living together so no wonder she was jumping at me first thing. Now she sees me so much. I think if i start doing things to tease her when shes not around shell be jumping me when she does see me.

 

Any ideas on how to tease her without being too inappropriate