Something that really helped me it may help you too

[prevch]

Well guys as most of you know I too have been going through a tough breakup. Love of my life dumps me for no good reason hooks up with someone else etc etc. Well For 2 months and 16 days I have been miserable every day of my life I have been absolutely distraught at the loss of my one and only love.

To my surprise yesterday I woke up and I did not feel miserable. It was weird. In fact, I almost did not know what to do with myself. I thought "wait a mintue why don't I feel like jumping off of a cliff today?" So anyways, I sat down and just thought for a few minutes and everything came to me.

 

1. It's not my fault. For 2 months and 16 days I have been thinking that this break up was my fault, that I could have done something differently to change it when in reality this is something she is going through not me. So why the heck have I been beating myself up over it?

 

2. I know what I am about. Meaning I know that I am a good, honest, handsome guy, I know that I would have gone to the ends of the Earth just to see her smile. I know that I would have given her a house in the country with horses and puppies etc just so she could be happy. That being said am I the one losing out or is she? that's right she is.

 

3. I know that she is confused. One thing everyone has is doubts. People break up because they doubt finding the right person at so young of an age, or they doubt being happy with them the rest of their lives etc. This is natural. Some people don't handle doubts well. Again you are not the doubter you are the one who is sure of themselves so if they want to leave let them go it is the only way they can see that 90% of the time THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

 

4. It was true love. If it was true love and you know it I mean you REALLY know it you're not just saying it because you wanted it to be, your ex will have a hard time filling the void that is you. Even if they are with someone else and sleeping with someone else it does not mean much if they really love you.

 

5. You love you ex but you have to stop caring. Don't stop caring about them, don't stop caring about your guys' past relationship, stop caring but what they are going through. I would say a lot of the times it is just a phase. Let them go. That is what I am doing and it is honestly helping. I think about her a lot, but I really believe that it is her loss now. If my ex wants me back someday I will consider it, but she is going to have some major convincing to do. At this point, I am not talking to her at all. If she wants to call me fine, if not then she can try to find someone as loving and caring as I am.

 

Most of you are very good people who did not deserve to be dumped, but you also are strong independent and loving people that have a lot to offer! So don't let yourself fall into despair over someone who left you. Trust me, I did and I was ready to die. The world could have ended and I would not have cared. Then, one day, I woke up and realized I have lived without this person happily before I met her, so I can certainly do it now. Life is tough, but it is wonderful. love yourself first, love your neighbor, and if your ex does not see what they are missing that I am telling you it is their loss.

 

All of you deserve happiness and trust me you will all find it in time.

much love!

Love God,

~prevch

[sylah]

I went through a very bad, painful break-up a year ago. My ex-bf broke up with me.

 

I knew it was over before it was over. I had my doubts about him before we broke up. I really liked this other guy but I stayed away from him because I was with my ex.

 

I really cared about him. I, too, would've walked to the ends of the earth for him. I would've stepped infront of a tank and died for him.

 

I lived with him for 3 years and during that time, he only paid his share of the rent twice. I forked out for groceries. I forked out for repairs on his van. I held a full-time job and often stayed up with him to help him complete some jobs with his business and still got up for work the next morning. He "borrowed" sums of money -- at the end, it amounted to something like 11 G's. I gave up so many things so he could get his business off the ground. I sat there and listened to his mother put me down because I was 4 years older than him. I was there for him as a friend. I did everything I could think of to be a good girlfriend. I thought of him as my best friend.

 

He broke up with me one day out of the blue. I suspect there was someone else at the end (I know he had doubts too and his mother helped him along with his doubts because I wouldn't fork out any more money to "help" him buy a new car).

 

Through all that, I never would've guessed the spitefulness he was capable of at the end. He gave the things I loved most away to his friends. He said some hateful words to me. He guilt-tripped me about terminating the lease on our place (I offered to put the lease under his name). I could go on and on, but what's the point. Now I know.

 

Four months later, I called up that guy I liked and I'm glad that I did. I'm with him today and I think this is the guy I want to marry someday. He treats me well and I try to treat him well, too. I refuse to be bitter because of my ex. I refuse to be afraid to treat my partner well because I might be taken advantage of. And this guy doesn't take advantage of me -- everything is equal in our relationship.

 

I loved this my ex more than I could describe with words. But, in those last days, I saw his true colors. In those 5 years I was going out with him, I'd never guessed he was the way he was. Never. I loved him and I still think about him sometimes and it still hurts a bit. He gave me no reason for the break-up. I feel the same as you -- that it was my ex's loss. Were he to come back to me today, I'd NEVER EVER EVER take him back. During the first month or two of that break up, I wished for him back. Now is a different story. He showed me the person that he really was.

 

I say when stuff like that happens, never take them back -- by taking your ex back is to turn your back on the lessons that life is teaching us. Have some confidence in yourself. Always look ahead, never look back.

 

Time heals all wounds and you will become stronger and you will get through it ok.

[prevch]

sounds to me like your ex is bad news I'm sorry to hear that.

 

I think it depends on the relationship. In your case I would say NEVER take him back. He sounds like a user and an abuser.

 

There is always hope....always.

 

it's awesome that you're with someone who really loves you

[wasitheone]

Hey Prevch,

 

I think I know exactly what your saying. Its pretty amazing but you wake up and you cannot work out what is wrong. Then you realize you have stopped thinking about them! When it happened to me it confused the hell out of me because I was certain she was "the one" but then I realized my feelings for her were still there but I also could see other things in my life that were good - the tunnel vision ended you might say.

 

I am also a great believer in true love and I am now at the stage where I believe if it is meant to be she will return. But I have to let her know the door is still open so I sent her a very short text message the other day after about 6 weeks NC. Got an instant reply asking how I was - so I told her the truth - I'm better & stronger.

 

wasitheone ( or should that be IAMTHEONE!)

[prevch]

haha! congrats man!!!!!!

You obviously are important to her. I think you are the one!

[wasitheone]

Thanks Prevch.

 

Still early days but throughout all the pain (left me 2 months ago) only one thing has remained constant - I love her.

 

Something that really worked for me was to say to myself I love her unconditionally and that really helped me get over the fact she is seeing someone else (rebound job, 2 weeks after we split at a wedding!). In fact it was after a few days of constant love I felt for her that started to release me from my own personal hell. They say if you can picture your loved one in the arms of another you are over them. Well I can picture her with the guy she is seeing and I just smile to myself - weird I know!

 

I know I am the one but now I realize the path is not an easy one. I also know if the second chance does work out there will be no third chance (once bitten, twice shy etc).

 

Am I being stupid wanting her to come back? Who knows. All I know is she never did anything to hurt me on purpose (well apart from the obvious) and I never did anything to hurt her.

[prevch]

no you're not crazy you just know what you want.

if you aim at something and you truly believe that you will get it....it will come.

where there is a will there is a way always!!!!

 

Love God,

~prevch

[head/heels]

I want to let her know the door is still open (this will be in a month or two) but i dont want to sound desparate...what did you text her?

thanks

d

[wasitheone]

Hi head/heels

 

All I sent her was "Hello, how are you?"

 

The problem with text messages is that it is very easy to read the wrong thing into them so keep it short and to the point. Unfortunately I sent her a follow up message today but she hasn't replied to that one yet. When I was really down the lack of reply would have killed me as you only think in terms of black and white (She loves me or hates me). What I have regained is the ability to think in terms of grey (maybe hasn't got her phone with her, too busy at work). As I said the only reason I broke NC after 6 weeks was to open the door. Hopefully she realizes the door is open but she has to walk through it.

 

Good luck.

[200 Miles]

Hey I will probably register but right now I just want to echo all the sentiments here. I'm a freshman in college, and my ex-broke up with me about a month ago. I really thought we were amazing together, and it took me by surprise. She told me she didn't feel the same way (love me as much as she did), and when we talked the next day, she stayed firm. I didnt talk to her for a week, and then she called and told me how much she misses me and could she call me the next day? I said yes, she called and then on the phone once again approached her about it, and she said she didn't think the feeling would come back.

 

Then, another week later, she calls me and tells me how much she misses me and how she wants to say goodbye before we leave, so I go to her house and we sit there for a while. She's holding my hand, and when I go to leave, we hug for like 10 minutes, and then I go to kiss her. She said that it couldn't mean anything at that point in time, and I told her i knew it meant she still loved me. She said yes, and we kissed, and i left.

 

I call her a few days later to see how college is, and another week later we talk on the phone and she tells me that she only misses me like a friend, that she still loves me but she doesn't think the way she felt will come back. Then I say to her, as long as you love me, anythign can happen. Then she says, yes, that's true.

 

So, I've been keeping very loose touch with her, calling about once a week. I want her to realize what she is missing out on, because I would and did do anything for her. Help her with research projects, leave notes on her car while she babysat, wrote her letters in class. She loved that all. I talked to my aunt, who is a psychologist, and we both think that she may have convinced herself not to love me as much because we were goign away to school. If you tell yourself something enough, and it is a safe suggestion, your subconscious makes you believe it. She said it was so hard, and she can't explain it, and I just feel that is what happened.

 

I'm putting up pictures from my college experience up on the internet to make her see my face and remember the great times we had together, make her miss me and doubt her decision, break her subconscious barrier against me. She still wants to be friends, but I mean the subconscious barrier against loving me. I just have some weird faith that she will come back when she realizes how much we meant. She was never mad, and she told me she isn't looking for any guy at school. She loves talking to me still, and I believe that thinking about it so much (the college decision and how she felt) led her to convincing herself of a lie.

 

Any opinions on what I can do or say to help break her subconscious block? How I can indirectly make her remember how much she loved me and how great we can still be?