Girlfriend doesn't want me to meet her friends

[russellfitch1980]

Hey everyone, I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over 6 months now and we have a great relationship. We both love each other a lot and have a great connection. We started really noticing our feelings for each other about 3 months into it, and started saying we loved each other around then. There is one thing that has really been concerning me though. Ever since the spring semester started she is taking 6 classes, a lot of who'm her friends are in. (Some guys and some girls) She doesn't really text them a whole lot, every now and then and it's usually about school related topics. I will see posts and stuff on her face book wall and she occasionally messages them as well.

 

After seeing some of this I asked her who these people were. She said they were her friends from school and I said oh cool, can I meet them sometime? Her exact words were well there not really friends they are more like acquaintances so you don't really need to meet them. I wasn't worried or it didn't really bother me till now. She has been spending a lot of time with them the last few weeks in school during her break. Most of them being guys and a few girls. There are a group of about 5 or 6 of them. She now says that they are all good friends now and are planning to hang out with them in the near future.

 

I confronted her about this after she told me this and she blew up at me and started yelling at me about the fact that I don't trust her and how I think she is going to cheat on me with one of these guys. I told her that wasn't the case, I just feel that I should meet some of your friends so I don't feel uncomfortable if you ever hang out with them outside of school. She tells me all the time how much she loves me and how she considers me to be the one. If I'm all that why can't she do a simple thing by introducing me to them.

 

The reason why I don't like it is because she has issues where when she is with someone else, family or friends, she wont talk to me and when she does, its limited responses. She doesn't want to be rude. I get that but now I feel that she is ignoring me just to be with them and hang out and talk with them. I haven't met any of her friends and she has met a majority of mine and even hung out with us on certain occasions. I don't think she would cheat, but I also don't want any flirting going on between her and these other people (the guys) and she comes off as a really friendly person and makes friends fast.

 

When I see her friends at school she kind of ignores them and comes up to me, and we will walk right past them and she won't say anything. Then right before she walks me to class, I ask her what her plans our for her break and she says, not sure...I'll probably hang out with my friends....literally right after we walked passed them. She has had plenty of opportunities to introduce me, but now since we had that one argument I don't think she wants to because she thinks that I am going to be an A hole to them or something...I tell her all the time how I want her to have friends and have a social life, I would at some times just like to be included and I don't like the fact that she takes forever to respond to me now when she is with them.

 

There was a time when she used to respond to my texts within 5 or 10 minutes...now it can take up to an hour sometimes even more!! Not sure how to go about this anymore or if I should even bring it up again to her because I don't want to cause another fight. She also has issues with public affection when around other people, not so much at school but around her family and stuff. What do you think I should do, or is there anything going on? Thanks everyone

[january2011]

It is difficult to tell if something is going on. There might be someone in that group she likes or she just wants to keep her romantic life and friendship life separate.

 

The delay in response time to texts may or may not be a red herring. I'd suggest you let it go, for now. Looking at it from a general point-of-view no one owes you a text response and they certainly don't owe you a response within a given time frame. Having said that, a change in communication frequency does indicate that something has changed, either in the relationship or in her.

 

I think that it's okay to tone down on the PDA in front of family, some families don't like the idea of their daughters and sons dating while in school. And in general, I think that PDA can be considered tasteless in many circles. If she's less affectionate around her family, you could ask her about it but otherwise, I would respect her wishes.

 

Overall, it sounds like there are potential sources of incompatibility: she doesn't want you to meet her friends, her communication frequency is not as high as yours and she doesn't like to show PDA in front of her family plus she pretty much ignores you when you are in a group situation.

 

The road to a solution is paved with communication. So, you need to talk to her about it. If you can't talk to her about it without it turning into a fight then I think you need to consider if this is the right relationship for you.

[will1988]

it could be one of three things... either she is either embarassed of you or of her friends, she is cheating on you with one of them in an FWB type situation, or she is just shy and likes to keep groups seperate. My gf has met my friends, but rarely does she see them. I hang out with them and have guy time away from my gf about once every week or every other week. It took my GF a while for her to introduce me to her friends, and when she did one of them hated me off the bat (feeling is mutual)... so I would say next time you all pass her group of friends together go up and introduce yourself (with or without your GF's consent) and see how things go.

 

good luck

[applej4]

You start off talking about your great relationship and great connection and how you love each other. Then..............your post turns into something else.

 

Not so great.

 

Stop timing how long it takes her to reply to a friggin text message. There are other things going on in her life. Maybe she lays her phone down once in a while, whihc is not a bad idea. Also, stop analyzing every post she makes on Facebook.

 

If she isn't introducing you to her friends she is most likely eeping her relationship with you separate, OR she doesn't see your relationship as being all that "great". Most people who are "in love" are anxious for their friends to meet that person.

[russellfitch1980]

it could be one of three things... either she is either embarassed of you or of her friends, she is cheating on you with one of them in an FWB type situation, or she is just shy and likes to keep groups seperate. My gf has met my friends, but rarely does she see them. I hang out with them and have guy time away from my gf about once every week or every other week. It took my GF a while for her to introduce me to her friends, and when she did one of them hated me off the bat (feeling is mutual)... so I would say next time you all pass her group of friends together go up and introduce yourself (with or without your GF's consent) and see how things go.

 

good luck

 

I don't have a quote lol...how long did it take her to introduce you to her friends? I feel like she would have at first if I never mentioned anything about this guy which is what started the argument...kinda regret even mentioning that because in my head I knew she wasn't cheating. Overall I was happy that she made new friends including this guy, I was just uncomfortable with the situation because she never really told me about him until this spring semester and she met him in the fall.

[CC12]

I tell her all the time how I want her to have friends and have a social life

 

That's a nice thing to say, and all, but you don't seem like you really mean it. You're not allowing her the freedom to have a social life. If you honestly want her to have friends, then don't get upset with her when she takes a while to return your texts. She's busy making friends. And leave it up to her to introduce you when she feels the time is right. It doesn't sound like she's even spent time with them outside of school, yet.

 

Let her make friends. Her own friends. Why do you feel such a pressing need to meet them right away?

 

How old are you, and how old is she?

[Radu]

The way she reacted when you made the suggestion is quite interesting.

The rest [apart from the new wait on messages] is not.

 

Her reaction is either out of shyness or out of something else.

 

Either way, personally i wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

[will1988]

Rusty

 

I'm going to have to agree with my friend, Radu, on this one...

 

the fact that your GF acted that way when you mentioned that one male friend IMHO means she either likes him, liked him, loves him, dated him, is screwing him, has screwed him, or wants to screw him etc...