Awkward as I don't know how to behave

[sweetheart5381]

I want my friendship back. As to going back to hanging out I feel like the spark may have gone. I would like to see if its still there but I feel like it would be one way. His already made me so confused by his actions. I don't know if he still finds me attractive. Who doesn't want to feel sexy and cuddle and kissed with passion and yet still be able to go home without the headache of having a relationship. I'm not ready to commit to anyone yet.

 

Yep, my thoughts exactly. But then emotions start and then it gets muddy. I don't want commitment/pressure/relationship either, but I would like to connect with a man too.

 

Guess we can't have our cake and eat it too!

[Emmii]

I do think as long as you know how you feel then that's fine. But the minute you start to feel your feelings are getting deeper you should talk about it. Me on the other hand once I know my feelings are getting the better of me I tent to keep my distance and call things off. If men can have there cake and eat it why can't we? They say women are the ones who get emotionally attached I don't believe that! It works both ways just depends on the person.

[Emmii]

Seen him again and again he keeps touching and tickling me. But also his started making sexual innuendos at me again. I spoke to mutual friend about how things weren't the same. I feel as thou he's had a word with him. As he said see his behaiving like normal. When asked him what sparked off that chat he said he had a lot on and that he wasn't thinking straight but now his ok. What is that ment to mean? He didn't have a lot on as I know about his family life as he opened up to me about it. He also would ask me my opinion on things. As he's doing some of things he did before the chat. I'm just confused by his actions as on one hand he broke it off and now he can't stop touching me and making sexual comments towards me.

[sweetheart5381]

Seen him again and again he keeps touching and tickling me. But also his started making sexual innuendos at me again. I spoke to mutual friend about how things weren't the same. I feel as thou he's had a word with him. As he said see his behaiving like normal. When asked him what sparked off that chat he said he had a lot on and that he wasn't thinking straight but now his ok. What is that ment to mean? He didn't have a lot on as I know about his family life as he opened up to me about it. He also would ask me my opinion on things. As he's doing some of things he did before the chat. I'm just confused by his actions as on one hand he broke it off and now he can't stop touching me and making sexual comments towards me.

 

Sounds like he figured out that he needs to cut out the emotional, "where are we going stuff" or it will drive you away by taking the fun out of it. I think some guys feel the need to "do the right thing" and offer up a committed relationship when really, they don't want one. They want the fun, as much as we do

[Emmii]

Sounds like he figured out that he needs to cut out the emotional, "where are we going stuff" or it will drive you away by taking the fun out of it. I think some guys feel the need to "do the right thing" and offer up a committed relationship when really, they don't want one. They want the fun, as much as we do

 

What do you mean do the right thing? I never expected a relationship from him. I don't if the spark is there or I'm I wasting my time and its just him flirting with me. Does he want me? I don't how to talk to him about it as everything is sexually driven with him. I don't get why he just doesn't ask me to come over instead telling me to come and do it in the store room.

[Emmii]

He totally ignored me today. Walked past me spoke my friend and not me. When went past him again he looked over and just smiled. Then came into my office and spoke to some of the guys and again ignored me.

What's he playing at? Day before touching sexual innuendos and total opposite. Why play mind games?

[sweetheart5381]

He totally ignored me today. Walked past me spoke my friend and not me. When went past him again he looked over and just smiled. Then came into my office and spoke to some of the guys and again ignored me.

What's he playing at? Day before touching sexual innuendos and total opposite. Why play mind games?

 

It's not a mind game, it's the dance, so to speak. Not too many folks have the courage to just say what they want. If he has guy friends around him his reputation/masculinity is at stake, women are the same around their female friends too.

 

If he ignores you, mimic his behaviour. He's not the only piece that is out there, and if it's just physical that you want from him it's best to leave the situation completely. Plenty of fish out there.... unless you want more too.

[Emmii]

Sweetheart5381 this how weird it was. Yesterday I was all on my own. There was people around but he was able to talk to me as I didn't have any man around me. He could flirty and text chat. He would check his phone to see if I had replied to his massage. When I did his face would light up and look straight at me and give the look. But today I had a guy I had to work with and me and him get on well. We laugh and joke like any two friends do but no sexual chemistry. Also there was a guy who asked me out and I turned him down went up to him and asked him if we were seeing each other a few weeks ago. I don't know if that's got something to do with it? Is it jealously?

[Emmii]

We had a friend's do yesterday and he came over and spoke to me about general things and then referred to the night we had sex and kept calling me a raccoon as I would scratch his back when we made out. I said you weren't complaining. He asked how it was for me and I said can't remember. He said was it that bad you don't remember. I said no its cause its been a long time and he said I know. I said we were having a good time and you questioned it and he said he knows. He was teasing about my bum and so i told him he needed work on his bum and he said why? who do I need to impress? We had mingle so he hugged me and went over to talk to the others. He came over and was joking and we both laughed. He said he was cool and calm and started talking about coco butter cream and i said i needed a help the other day and he started laughing saying your getting me all bothered again. I said we better stop messing about as i would get kicked out and he said i wouldn't let that happen to you!We started text chatting at the party and he was saying what he wanted to do and i said i dared him and told him you know where i am.When I was leaving the party he walked me out and started talking and flirting as nothing had happened. He gave me a tight hug and I told him I missed his hug and he said knows and held me tighter. I don't understand what's going on? This dance is so confusing? To me I get the feeling his got very deep feelings and his fighting them as his not ready to commit. He ignored me one day and then yesterday he was the opposite. He was coming over to talk to me. Hugging me serval times and neither of us were drinking.

[sweetheart5381]

We had a friend's do yesterday and he came over and spoke to me about general things and then referred to the night we had sex and kept calling me a raccoon as I would scratch his back when we made out. I said you weren't complaining. He asked how it was for me and I said can't remember. He said was it that bad you don't remember. I said no its cause its been a long time and he said I know. I said we were having a good time and you questioned it and he said he knows. He was teasing about my bum and so i told him he needed work on his bum and he said why? who do I need to impress? We had mingle so he hugged me and went over to talk to the others. He came over and was joking and we both laughed. He said he was cool and calm and started talking about coco butter cream and i said i needed a help the other day and he started laughing saying your getting me all bothered again. I said we better stop messing about as i would get kicked out and he said i wouldn't let that happen to you!We started text chatting at the party and he was saying what he wanted to do and i said i dared him and told him you know where i am.When I was leaving the party he walked me out and started talking and flirting as nothing had happened. He gave me a tight hug and I told him I missed his hug and he said knows and held me tighter. I don't understand what's going on? This dance is so confusing? To me I get the feeling his got very deep feelings and his fighting them as his not ready to commit. He ignored me one day and then yesterday he was the opposite. He was coming over to talk to me. Hugging me serval times and neither of us were drinking.

 

I'm gonna reckon a guess that he sees you as a "flight risk". Scared that you may run away at the slightest provocation, but he still wants you anyway. He's confused I'm sure.

[Emmii]

I'm gonna reckon a guess that he sees you as a "flight risk". Scared that you may run away at the slightest provocation, but he still wants you anyway. He's confused I'm sure.

 

It's such a strange thing cuz thou you don't know me and yet your so right about me running away. I've also noticed that when I'm talking to other men he won't come over till they've gone or he'll acknowledge me from a distance but not come over. Or if he does come over he doesn't talk to me but keeps eye contact but not all the time. Why? Strange it didn't bother him before! The confusion is confusing me too. I wish he'd man up and just say come over to mine this weekend and let's sort things out. If I miss the cuddles and kisses wouldn't he be? All I'm getting from him is touch me and sexually charged comments.

[sweetheart5381]

I'm gonna reckon a guess that he sees you as a "flight risk". Scared that you may run away at the slightest provocation, but he still wants you anyway. He's confused I'm sure.

 

It's such a strange thing cuz thou you don't know me and yet your so right about me running away. I've also noticed that when I'm talking to other men he won't come over till they've gone or he'll acknowledge me from a distance but not come over. Or if he does come over he doesn't talk to me but keeps eye contact but not all the time. Why? Strange it didn't bother him before! The confusion is confusing me too. I wish he'd man up and just say come over to mine this weekend and let's sort things out. If I miss the cuddles and kisses wouldn't he be? All I'm getting from him is touch me and sexually charged comments.

 

He's "keeping it safe" with the sexual innuendo, since that was the initial agreement and he doesn't want to disrespect you by altering it (with emotional stuff). Notice that he doesn't want to disrespect you.... because he actually cares about you and your feelings toward him.

 

It takes a lot of courage for a man to come right out and put their feelings on the table... they are raised to be defenders and protectors and cannot allow themselves to be vulnerable. Put it this way, if you were a soldier on the front line, would you tell anyone else how scared you felt? Hell no, you would risk the mission! That's how a lot of men feel when it comes to women and relationship stuff. Scared sh*tless.

 

I certainly can relate to you, about "running away". I do it all the time until I am comfortable with an attachment. For some folks it just takes time.

[Emmii]

He's "keeping it safe" with the sexual innuendo, since that was the initial agreement and he doesn't want to disrespect you by altering it (with emotional stuff). Notice that he doesn't want to disrespect you.... because he actually cares about you and your feelings toward him.

 

It's a very difficult position to be in. I now understand what you mean by "keeping it safe" he has kind of gone back to how we were before we started hanging out. He'd tease me and say come and touch it! Come into the store room and have sexy time with me.

Does this mean that this is how things will remain between us? He won't be asking me to pop over for a coffee? I won't find out the real reason as to the talk? The one thing I didn't mention was. While I was hanging out with him he already had a booty call with someone else who I know. A mutual friend told me but he didn't know we were hanging out together. When I went to see him for the second time he confronted me about my date so I asked him about his booty call. I felt so shameful that he couldn't look at me and said nooo. He told me he'd broke it off with her. Asked me how long I'd known for and I said a while but it's not my business to ask you. He just kept putting his hands over his face. He said whoever it was who told you, we're they trying to warn you off me. I said no. They just let it slip.

The running away is something I've started doing when I had my heart broken. I don't allow myself to get attach unless I think that it could go somewhere. I'm not wasting my emotions on anyone.

[Emmii]

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[Emmii]

Today I had to work with him and 3 others. By accident I called Marcus mark. He turned around and said you've got mark on your mind! and i smiled and told him to shut up. I said I ment Marcus. Mark was teasing me about it. Saying you've got me on your mind! At lunchtime he came over to tell me he was going to the cafe for food. He gave me a hug and pinched my bum in front of mark.

I texted him to say that's not fair you pinched my bum and he said he wanted to grab a do something else to me. I said to him that I should be able to grab his bum.

After work he came to see me about the texts and started joking and flirting with me but we couldn't finish the conversation as Marcus interrupted us.

I had to go and speak to my female colleague and as I walked past him with her he came behind me and tickled the back of my neck.Which made me jump.

While we were having coffee he came over and stood there talking to us but his arms were crossed and his legs were spread apart. I asked him why he was defensive and he said he wasn't. He doesn't normally talk to me with his arms cross. The last time he did that was when he had the talk.

[Emmii]

He started texting me last night. He started the banter up again like before. He wants to hook up. A sudden change of heart? Is it cuz he's feeling threatened by the men? He's behaving like there was no confusion on his part.

[Emmii]

Now the touching of the neck and trying to make me jealous. There were two men whom flirt with me and while they were talking to I mentioned that my neck and shoulders kill. He came over and right in front of them started massaging them. Why? He makes suggestive remarks but doesn't deliver.

[eshmita.fazal]

good flowing dance nice:laugh:

[Emmii]

Why has he asked me if I've been with anyone else? He turned around and said since me has there been anyone? What's that got to do with him? It's none of his business. Why ask?

[pcplod]

He's being possessive, girl! He wants to claim 'ownership' over you without any of the attendant responsibilities or commitments. He's hedging his bets just in case he takes the fancy to change his mind. He's behaving effectively to warn other guys/men off, even though he has absolutely no intention on following through in any way. This isn't all a show for you, it is a show for all his competitors and maybe 'admirers'. Bottom line is that he is using you, to stroke his ego as the fancy takes him. It is extremely self-indulgent and maybe even somewhat narcissist, wanting to be the centre of attention. I reckon he has what I would call a "harem mentality". It is probably an age/maturity thing that he may grow out of or may not because he will remain permanently afraid of commitment.

 

You know you ought to establish very clear, unambiguous boundaries with him, but you are either unable or unwilling to do that for reasons best known to you. If you don't actually know then I would suggest that you focus more on figuring out your own behaviour in the circumstances and why you persist with it, rather than about his behaviour. If you can sort out your own behaviour, then managing his behaviour, at least towards you, will naturally flow from that.

 

It's time to focus on what really matters here, you!

Edited April 21, 2013 by pcplod

[Emmii]

You know you ought to establish very clear, unambiguous boundaries with him, but you are either unable or unwilling to do that for reasons best known to you. If you don't actually know then I would suggest that you focus more on figuring out your own behaviour in the circumstances and why you persist with it, rather than about his behaviour. If you can sort out your own behaviour, then managing his behaviour, at least towards you, will naturally flow from that.

 

It's time to focus on what really matters here, you!

 

I've always been the same with him. I do flirt but I don't mess around with people's emotions like he is. I've pretty much carried on living my life going out meeting people and going on dates which I don't feel the need to tell him as I'm not in a relationship with him.

As to him. He sat with me and spoke to me like the way we use to talk before the chat. He kept saying was when are you gonna come over? You look tired we could both cuddle up and go to sleep together. At this point it was just me and him. He was like his normal self. Asking why I'm tired. whats bothering me? As he left he gave me a cuddle and leaned in to kiss me but I moved away from him. There were people around. As he walked off he said pop down. I'm confused by this. I don't want the same thing happening again.

[Emmii]

Very strange behavior from him. He'd seen my massages on Facebook with one of my best mate, who happens to be a guy. As we met up from drinks. He came over to me and asked me if I'd pulled anyone. I told him no and that it was a catch up with my male friend and so he said well what about him. I told him no his married and that our families know each other.

He texted me that night asking me to pop over and I did. We had sex which was totally different from the first time. He was more concerned about my needs and if I was in pain.

After sex we stayed in bed talking. He asked me about my best mate and if his wife had a problem with us meeting up and I said no. He said image if that was the other way around how would you feel? I said it wouldn't bother me as I trust him. I explained to him that I have more male friends than female friends and he said he was the opposite.

I asked him about the talk we had and to explain where it came from. He said he wanted to make sure what I wanted as I had said I was looking to settle down and I said yes I did say that but not with you. He said that's ok cuz the last time he was in this situation the girl went crazy as he had someone else in the house. I told him he could do whatever he wanted as its not my place to ask. I asked him what he wanted and he said he was still confused and that he will focus on his work instead. I'm very confused by this behavior. That he cares for me. Why is he asking me about my best mate? Then asking if I'd pulled? Telling me his ex's had been in contact. That some girls had gone over to him with there numbers. Why tell me as I'm not the jealous type! This was while we were in bed cuddling and kissing.

[Emmii]

Things are back on track. I set the rules so that we didn't have any misunderstanding as when i went over he was questioning if I'd pulled? But now his behaving odd. He turned around and texted me "I love you" in another language. I took it as a joke. When I went over and asked him if he knew what he said he didn't answer it and said what did you think? I told him I took as a joke and laughed it off. He told me what I wrote back. I noticed his face had dropped.

When I told him that I was sitting in the garden enjoying the sun he said he would have come over. But then asked what my mum would said? How would I have introduced him?

I really don't understand him? He could have said anything to me but to say I love you! Was I right to take it as a joke?