Quilly Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 In going through my separation/divorce process, I continue to hear that I have to find happiness within myself and that I can't depend on someone else to make me happy. That sounds simple enough... but now I'm not so sure I know what that means. Someone once asked me what it was that made me happy. I said it was my children, having someone to share my life with, spending time with my friends and family, a job I enjoy... This person replied that these were all things that were external to me. So I guess I'm confused. Am I missing the point here? Or am I wasting my time overthinking a meaningless catch phrase? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 I think there're two sides to this. On one hand, it's normal to be sad if there're negative events in your life (such as divorce). On the other hand, events themselves are nothing - what you feel is your reaction to them. You're in control of your reaction, to an extent, hence your happiness depends on you and only you. Makes sense? Being truly internally happy means having a good dose of happiness at all times, no matter what's going on. The external events do cause fluctuations, but they're minor compared to the happiness you have internally. my 2c, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
prevch Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 it also means being satisfied with who you are. By going through a divorce or breakup you may have low self esteem etc love yourself know that you are a good person and that your future is bright no matter what. Find yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Everything will be fine Link to post Share on other sites
brandx Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 I agree with the other posts Quilly. It has both an external and internal side. Externally, you have to look at your life and say "where do I want to be vs. where am I going" re: relationships, career, friends, family, etc. Internally, you have to decide what is important to you for values, morals, goals, objectives and then work towards those things. Things such as truthfulness, honesty, integrity are among these, but it could also be mental, physical, spiritual health and fufillment. Maybe knowledge, not like a masters degree type of knowledge, but self awareness and understanding. There are some very concrete things and some very conceptual things that fall into these. I would love to know what you feel some of these things are for you since we are on similar journeys. I am currently working through some of these for myself, as I have been this entire process. How are things going both with H and MM? I really hope all is well. Best, Brand X Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 Finding happiness within...... ssshhhhhiiiii T I can find happiness within the box of pepridgefarms cookie bag when I think it's empty but whoohooo ONE LAST COOKIE YESSS!!!!!!! LOL! I've been there myself went through a seperation and then the divorce (granted it made it a lot easier for me that I was the one who divorced him) but still it's life changing. You can find happiness in your little people, mine are somedays my only reason(s) and you can find happiness with your friends (especially the ones who plot with you to make the sob's life miserable ha!) BUT You also find happiness within, in recognizing that you are an awesome person. That YOU have a lot to offer the world. That you're clever or funny or giving to other's...... it is finding those things in yourself and giving yourself credit for those good things;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quilly Posted September 12, 2004 Author Share Posted September 12, 2004 Thank you for the helpful replies... Internally, you have to decide what is important to you for values, morals, goals, objectives and then work towards those things. Things such as truthfulness, honesty, integrity are among these, but it could also be mental, physical, spiritual health and fufillment. Maybe knowledge, not like a masters degree type of knowledge, but self awareness and understanding. I don't know that I've ever given much thought to this... it will likely take me some time to respond, but I will try to later today. Focusing on myself will be a great distraction. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 I think it means different things to different people because we are all, well... different You know when you have it, that's for sure. Most of the things that make me happy or unhappy are external but at a much deeper level there is also the internal knowledge that, left to my own devices, I can achieve happiness. For me it's not so much a striving for personal ideals as knowing what brings me pleasure in life, taking the time to really appreciate them and noticing that I can achieve things that bring me pleasure - be it things I do alone/with others, places I go or relationships I form. A lot of it has to do with confidence - in yourself, in life and in your ability to make it a positive experience. Even in adversity there are positive things we can learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Nosmas Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 Even in adversity there are positive things we can learn. See Moi, Meanon gets it. Yeah, I'm bound, damned and determined to drag Meanon into the mud! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 Promises, promises I've done my mud wrestling for today, Nosmas. Better luck next time. Link to post Share on other sites
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