Through my eyes ...What I have seen....

[cherry]

I am knew to this forum. But not knew to emotional abuse. I just come to terms, relizing i need counseling. I am 32 years old, and have put up with abuse most of my life. From my dad to the last few years.I had 10 year break there I was married to a man that did not emotional abuse me.I have for the past 6 months, been dating a military man who lies to me constantly.

 

I have seen him have outbreaks of anger, but never hit me.

 

I have seen him curse his own childeren for no reason at all.

 

I have seen him emotionally tear down my 13teen year old daughter and 11 year of old son.

 

I have seen him curse me if i forgot to get his beer.

 

I have seen him kick a animal, for it not moving out of his way.

 

I have seen him do drugs with his own mother and sister.

 

I have seen him turn up a Jack Daniels bottle, drink it like coke, because he is having a bad day.

 

i have seen him pawn everything he has just to have money.

 

I have also seen him , look me in the eyes, tell me, I am his world, there is no other, he would kill hisself without me in his life.

 

I have seen him , beg me to help him please. HE cant help it, he was dealt this life from childhood.

 

ANd most importantly though all this that i have seen, I cant sometimes see that he is a dead end world for me.

 

TOmorrow i face my demon. I tell him it is over. I will do what ever it takes. I do not want to repeat this cycle of abuse to my childeren.FIrst thing I am learning in all I read. Is getting out of it.

Emotional abuse is like a drug. A addiction. I can live w/o a man.

If your someone who has made it to the other side of getting abuse...please help....thank yall.

[moimeme]

Will you be able to leave him safely? Do you think it's wise to tell him it's over or should you just go? Here is some information from abuse help sites. And congratulations on taking the first step! It will be hard for a while, but eventually life will get better.

 

http://www.askheartbeat.com/html/signs.html

http://www.leavingabuse.com/powerwheel.html

[Matilda]

I am someone who was married to an abusive man, and made it out. I don't know that I have any real good advice for you, since I think that every situation is different. I will say that the scariest part was right when I left, and then later when I was attempting to get him to pay child support because we had a child together.

 

For me, the key seemed to be having my own internal resolve, so that he truly understood that it was over. You need to make him understand that he can't manipuate you anymore. Don't get drawn into his pity party anymore. Just keep repeating that you are done, something like "I don't want to live this way anymore." Whatever he says does not matter, there is nothing he can say that will change your mind. Remain calm and resolute.

 

I had to keep a relationship with my ex, because we had a child together. But, since you don't have any reason to keep in contact with him, maybe it will be easier. It does worry me that he is saying that he will kill himself if you are not there. This makes me afraid, because if he doesn't value his own life, he may not value yours either. My ex- usband was also in the military, and that seemed to be one thing that kept his behavior in check somewhat, the fear of military repercussions.

 

Good luck to you, and please be careful. I know you are doing the right thing. Life will be much better when you are out of this relationship.

 

Here is a link to information about spousal abuse and the military:

http://www.womenslaw.org/military.htm