Women accepting Single Fathers Children

[cwsr]

Hi, My name is Chris, I am new to this site, and have read through many of the posts here for a few weeks. I have a problem, I am of 30 years, and a single father of 4 children, ages 6, 3, 2 and 2. (yes, Twins). I recieved full custody of the children after their mother had her rights terminated due to child abuse and neglect.

Anyways a good friend of mine for 2+ years and I have been seeing each other more than normal now for about 2 months. We do all sorts of things, such as going to amusement parks, casino's, expensive restraunts, and recently getting whirlpool suittes and some ritzy hotels. She has taken well to the children and has stated that she would like more out of the relationship that just friendship, (so would I). She is 29, and has until June to finish college. At that time we have decided to move to Minneapolis/St. Paul together. The pusher, She does not want to start a relationship now, as she is not sure of wanting to be somewhat responsible for 4 young children that would most likely grow up knowing her as (mom).

And this is not the first women that has said this, I have been out meeting other women before her, and I always get the same thing. 4 kids...... I'm out!!! I sometimes wonder why if the situation is reversed, why so many guys are so easy to accept the women's kids, but not the other way. How do I go on with this girl, which the feelings are growing and growing? I am always thinking about her, day in and day out. I love my kids, and I am falling in love with her. What good is that if she is not ready to take on my children?

I get so depressed, I feel as if when I took all responsability for my children, that I gave up my life, (and would do it over and over). I have some very good friends, but would like to have a partner also. Single dad's , are we supposed to have a life? I am 30 and not getting any younger, I am scared that I am going to end up living my life alone.

I can only hope that this girl will one day realize what she has in front of her, and accept my children. We really have a blast together. But I also don't want to burden her or any other woman with my baggage.

Well thanks for listening, really needed a place to cool of and get some of it off of my chest.

 

Chris

[Merin]

Chris, well I've got to tell you as the single mom of two little people myself that it isn't the way it appears that guys are MORE accepting of another mans children, I think that it is that women who date guys who have children not only have to accept the little people BUT they are also more likely to have to deal with "mama drama" from the ex-wife.

 

My bf has 2 little people himself, and he is 28 years old. That for me was never an issue as I love kids and have 2 of my own. So maybe in some ways me having them and him having them as well made it easier for both of us to understand the dynamics of being single parents.

 

However I can also tell you that I have many friends who have kiddos as well and are single and it is odd how when they met someone new and the guy asks if they have kids and my friend(s) will say yes they do that the guy will look at them as if they had just asked them to fill out a job application for the position of parent.

 

It is hard being a single parent, regardless of gender.

 

However it doesn't mean you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life. You will find that girl who loves and accepts you and your little people. I know it's hard, but be patient;)

[Kizzyfur]

I don't think it's easier for a single mom to get dates either. I don't have any children myself, but I hear all the time how guys don't want to hook up with single moms cause they're affraid that the woman is just looking for someone to help support her kids. I guess a lot of women are the same way when it comes to single dads. Maybe they're affraid that he's only out to find his kids a "mommy".

 

My boyfriend has four kids he's trying to get primary custody of. I absolutely adore those kids. But I've always been fond of children and have even wanted my own for years.

 

Do things together with your "friend" with the kids. Let her get to know them on their level. Hopefully she'll realize, it's not such a bad thing after all and it'll all be worth it in the end. But never neglect your relationship with her. Good luck.

[ziggue]

Just make sure you don't treat girlfriend like a slave and a babysitter. That is why I left my Ex that had two kids. He just expected me to do everything when I visited him. It was like I was back in the 50s or something.

 

Treat her as an Equal. We are in modern times now. Remember that. Help her out while she is bonding with the kids.

 

Make sure you are truthful with her about the kid's mother as well. Another single dad (another Ex) I dated wasn't doing that with me. He ended up leaving me and going back to her. They only had one kid.

 

Just a couple of hints to improve your relationship with this girl. This is coming from a girl who doesn't have kids of her own.

 

Hopefully things work out for you. There are still a lot of people out there who will date people with kids.

 

I agree with Merin2. You have just got to keep looking and be patient like the other post said.