Girlfriend is in Italy w/ family for a month.... Could she be cheating on me?

[Christopher82]

I've been dating a girl for about 2 months now. Sweet girl. She's your traditional Italian girl: very committed to family and since I've known her, seems to have strong ethics. Then again, I've only been dating her for a short while and she's on a month long vacation with her grandparents to visit her ailing aunt.

 

Originally, she was set to stay in Italy for 2 months, but after 2 days, called me and said she wanted to come home immediately and that she missed me way too much. She's also staying in an extended family members apartment with 6 other people, none who are her her age (23). Meaning, there's no privacy, she has to sleep on the same bed as her grandma, the place apparently smells funny and basically eats pizza almost everyday. So, yesterday, I called the travel agency and had the trip shortened by a month. She's now set to return in the second weeks of April.

 

What disturbs me though is that, she is hanging out with a 15 yr old kid (friend of the family) 3-4 days a week. The fact alone kinda weirds me out because let's me honest, what could she have in common with someone that age? But she will hang out with him in public and at his parents house, sometimes for 6+ hours. She's made a point of telling me that they've gone out for drinks together, gone for walks, that he's tried kissing her, holding her hand, telling her that she's sexy and suggested that I was probably cheating on me since she's away from home. She also made a point of telling me that he has a sense of chivalry that she wishes I had, such as offering her his jacket (I live in Canada - everyone always has a jacket on) and stuff like that. She's also made a point of telling me that he's a good looking guy (wtf? How can a grown adult women consider a 15 yr old kid to be 'good looking'?)

 

This past Friday, she was supposed to call me @ 3:30 pm or so to finalize the flight change plans. I stay at the travel agency until 5:00 pm, when she finally called. Too late.... They were now closed and couldn't accept payment or arrange anything. Where was she during the time that she called? With this Italian 'kid' who played guitar for her. She spent 5 hours with him that day. Unbelievable.

 

Provided that this guy *is* 15, I'll give the kid a bit of credit: the guy has balls.

 

But what has me worried is that, although she tells me that she has told him that she has a boyfriend that she is very much committed to and that she has told him to never try anything remotely sexual with her, she continues to hang out with a KID, even after all the brave bull**** he has pulled.

 

There's a part of me that worries that this guy really isn't 15 and that something is going on behind my back, half the world away.

 

I've been cheated on a few times before.... Maybe I'm paranoid, or maybe what I'm somewhat worried about is legit.

 

Everyone: What's your take on all of this? I'd love to hear your take on it. Thanks!

Edited March 26, 2013 by Christopher82

[anne1707]

So, yesterday, I called the travel agency and had the trip shortened by a month.

 

 

So throughout this whole post, this is the thing that disturbed me most.

[Flier]

Whether or not she is cheating is impossible to say. But she is being mean and passive aggressive by describing the guy in ways that understandably make you jealous. That kind of behavior is scary to me. I would find someone else who truly honors your feelings and does not play those games.

[Flier]

I re-read your post and I noticed that she accused you of cheating?

 

That was mean and uncalled for. I would run for the hills.

[TaraMaiden]

Take it from me:

No self-respecting young Italian girl forced to share a bed with her grandma, would be caught DEAD cheating with a 15-year-old.

The public shame, humiliation and criticism would be intolerable, and she would never do that to the people she is close to.

It's quite common in Italy to have friends of the opposite sex, and there is less inhibition because boundaries are more 'fixed'.

 

It's quite common to see guys with their arms over each others' shoulders, or girls holding hands. And they're totally heterosexual.

You have nothing to worry about.

believe me - I'm 56, and have 132 family members living in Italy.

I would hang out with my cousins and friends of all ages, without the remotest suggestion of 'funny stuff going on, because mainland/central Europeans are far warmer, friendlier and more convivial than those with 'Englishness' about them.

 

And it's because of this warm, friendly and convivial attitude, that shenanigans are far LESS likely to occur.

Not more.

 

Italians are more tactile - not because it's sexual, but because it's a more human connection.

[Christopher82]

So throughout this whole post, this is the thing that disturbed me most.

 

Why? She asked me to look into it and I agreed? How is that disturbing?

[Eddie Edirol]

Dont let her try to make you jealous, she just wants a reaction out of you. She is also trying to tell you some things that she doesnt like about you, probably to see if you will change because of jealousy. Thats pretty immature of her and dont fall for it.

 

As for her possibly cheating, you wont know for sure until she comes back, see if she acts any different towards you.

[anne1707]

Why? She asked me to look into it and I agreed? How is that disturbing?

 

Because I read it as if you had decided to do that with no reference to her. My mistake.

 

 

And Tara's post about Italy. Yep, that sums up what I have seen in that country too. It is incredibly family orientated.

[Treasa]

1. I really want to visit Italy now.

2. It sounds like she's mind****ing you. Perhaps you shouldn't be around to take her calls for a few days, a few weeks, until she gets back, etc.?