MissTaken Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Hi I have been having an on/off affair with my boss for about 4 months now. I say on/off because I keep wanting to end it but fall back in to that trap of wanting to be with him. It started off ok, but I have trust issues....not hard for any woman in my position I suspect because let's face it, he's cheating on his wife with me, why wouldn't he cheat on me too? He told me he left his wife, yet he never rings me out of work hours or even wants to see me out of work hours, so I'm thinking he never left her. When confronted with this he told me that it's difficult for him at the moment. When at work he is constantly checking his phone, his emails and often disappears for a length of time and is unobtainable. He has now blown cold on me. Yes he flirts whilst at work etc, but I now suspect he is seeing someone else. Again, when confronted, was denied. I am single and in a way, I guess I've fallen for him and therefore, with all the above, I am obsessing about this and it's driving me mad. I find myself constantly trying to catch him out and I have on the odd occasion but never said anything as I don't want him to think I am possessed! A massive part of me wants to say, enough's enough, you get on with your life I'll get on with mine and stop torturing myself, but it's not easy, is it? It's not easy when you have to see him every god damned day and there's no escape. At this moment in time, I cannot see me getting through this and I just don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 MissTaken, It Never feels good to be lied to. It doesn't feel good to be insecure about someone you love. It hurts to be on the receiving end of someones betrayal. It is infuriating to feel an outside person is coming between you and your relationship. It is heartbreaking to realize that you aren't the most important person in someones life. It is embarrassing & humiliating to Know a relationship is making you think & do crazy things that just isn't who you normally are. It is awful feeling like you need to look over your shoulder w/every step. I feel for you having placed yourself in this precarious situation w/what I think is a creep MM AND your Boss. I am concerned what he has the ability to do by way of affecting your career and financial stability as well as your heart and soul.* You write that you've Already busted him in a way but haven't confronted him. Is that correct? If you can gather what proof you can, especially if there are work emails and texts from an office cell, you can at least defend yourself (if need be) should he dump you then try to fire you from your job. Take care of you, 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs.Dee Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 I heard about a book by Jan Halper called "Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men", your MM might fit into that, and might make it easier for you to see what this is really about - and what it is not about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Supervisor/subordinate relationships are ripe for issues even withstanding the affair. I know it is hard and you are hurting but I would cut your losses and move on from him. Don't allow your personal life to put your professional life in jeopardy (which is exactly what he is doing). Most/all companies have policies against these types of relationships (supervisor/subordinate) because of the power dynamic involved. I know its hard but I would so move on if you can. (((((()))))))) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 I am single and in a way, I guess I've fallen for him and therefore, with all the above, I am obsessing about this and it's driving me mad. I find myself constantly trying to catch him out and I have on the odd occasion but never said anything as I don't want him to think I am possessed! But what you're doing IS just that! Chasing him, obsessing about him, trying to catch him...so unhealthy and it's causing you damage and making you feel totally out of sorts. Just stop. This man has lied to you, lead you on and he's your boss! Bad situation all around, fact that he's married is icing on the cake. You've only invested four months so really try your best to stay away from him and detach. He isn't in love, he's lusting and that's not flattering since you seem to have feelings for him. Your reputation is at risk, too! I wish you the best, please start looking for another job in the meantime. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Miss Taken, Please get the heck out of this situation ( for lack of a better word) with your boss. He sounds like a big ole mind f**k! All the flags a re flying giving you clues to get away from him. Jobs are hard to come by, so that sounds like another complication for you. I dunno how you feel about finding another, but that would solve everything, as far as having no contact with him. I'd reconsider any future physical contact because if he's creeping with others, no telling what he might share with you. If you are having trust issues, I'd say this may be in part to you just knowing you have a reason to have trust issues, don't ignore your gut. If you have to continue working there, just work on accomplishing emotional detachment first and avoid him completely other than having work contact. Make excuses for why you can't have personal conversations, etc. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Changed for ever Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Hay Miss Taken I am really sorry for you and you must be going through hell, i ama man and am in the same situation as you , i cant tell you its easy as it is not, i wont get better over night , all i can say from someone that knows just what you are going through is that if you truly feel and know you are being used then please try to move on, it is very hard and i wish their was something i could say or do, please message me if you would like to talk, take care and look after yourself ok 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissTaken Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Thank you for your advice and I have taken it all on board. I've done really well this past week as he has been away but he came back yesterday and it set me back again :-( Thing is I know I need to get over this as my hunch was right. He is now acting like I don't exist. I don't want to leave my job as I love it so much but I just wish I could hate him. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 It really would be better if you got a new job. But let his rudeness towards you fuel your anger in the meantime. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Thank you for your advice and I have taken it all on board. I've done really well this past week as he has been away but he came back yesterday and it set me back again :-( Thing is I know I need to get over this as my hunch was right. He is now acting like I don't exist. I don't want to leave my job as I love it so much but I just wish I could hate him. Don't worry. You will one day soon. And then, you'll truly be over him. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Thank you for your advice and I have taken it all on board. I've done really well this past week as he has been away but he came back yesterday and it set me back again :-( Thing is I know I need to get over this as my hunch was right. He is now acting like I don't exist. I don't want to leave my job as I love it so much but I just wish I could hate him. But it's a chance you take when you have an A with your boss. It usually does not end well and if his bosses find out, you BOTH could very well lose your job and have ruined reputations. That in itself should be reason enough for you to just to keep your head down, focus on work and completely ignore him unless it's work related issues. It's going to be weird and uncomfortable for a while, others may notice the energy shift between you too. You should start looking for something else, in the same field. Or ask for a transfer. Link to post Share on other sites
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