Did your MP introduce you to a family friend?

[White Flower]

I'm looking for responses from OP only on whether your MP introduced you to a family friend as a contact for emergencies or any other reason. I found it comforting during a medical crisis that I could call a mutual friend to get ahold of my guy to alert him with updates if I could not contact him myself.

 

And now that it's over I still find it a comfort to know that I can hear that he's ok and learn how he's doing if I should ask. (I haven't, but it's nice knowing that I could). I'd also like to know how close your mutual friend is/was to MPs family. Mine is very close and spends most weekends with xMM and BW. They also vacation together. These two couples are a part of a close-knit group of couples that share a common activity.

Edited March 27, 2013 by White Flower

[Got it]

I'm looking for responses from OP only on whether your MP introduced you to a family friend as a contact for emergencies or any other reason. I found it comforting during a medical crisis that I could call a mutual friend to get ahold of my guy to alert him with updates if I could not contact him myself.

 

And now that it's over I still find it a comfort to know that I can hear that he's ok and learn how he's doing if I should ask. (I haven't, but it's nice knowing that I could). I'd also like to know how close your mutual friend is/was to MPs family. Mine is very close and spends most weekends with xMM and BW. They also vacation together. These two couples are a part of a close-knit group of couples that share a common activity.

 

Yes that was one of my requirements. I was introduced to a few friends of his and are friends with them still. I am not sure how close these friends were to the family, close enough, they pretty much had separate friends. But they were around them, spent time there, etc.

[LFH]

Over the last several years I've met a number of his friends and several family members. I hang out with some of them (with him) regularly.

We do have mutual friends who were my "contact" from the beginning if something would have gone wrong, now he's my "in case of emergency please contact" along with my sister and if something happened I'd probably get a number of calls to tell me what was going on.

These are "friend/ friends" not acquaintances, but people that are involved in his life.

[cocorico]

I'm looking for responses from OP only on whether your MP introduced you to a family friend as a contact for emergencies or any other reason. I found it comforting during a medical crisis that I could call a mutual friend to get ahold of my guy to alert him with updates if I could not contact him myself.

 

And now that it's over I still find it a comfort to know that I can hear that he's ok and learn how he's doing if I should ask. (I haven't, but it's nice knowing that I could). I'd also like to know how close your mutual friend is/was to MPs family. Mine is very close and spends most weekends with xMM and BW. They also vacation together. These two couples are a part of a close-knit group of couples that share a common activity.

 

We met in a work-related context, so always had a group of colleagues and friends in common, but over time we became much more integrated in each other's lives, as with any R. We were openly a couple, and the only one who did not know about the R was the BW.

[carhill]

As an OM, during a period of separation from one MW's spouse, I met her parents, two of her sisters and her brother and had repeated interactions with them. Many years later, as MM, I would interact at greater length with them, as well as her now-adult children, and we indeed did have the 'emergency' conversation wrt to one of her sisters (of four) being the 'contact' in such dynamics. I only met a few friends over the years but did meet some extended family, like aunts/uncles/cousins, etc.

[Summer Breeze]

I'm looking for responses from OP only on whether your MP introduced you to a family friend as a contact for emergencies or any other reason. I found it comforting during a medical crisis that I could call a mutual friend to get ahold of my guy to alert him with updates if I could not contact him myself.

 

And now that it's over I still find it a comfort to know that I can hear that he's ok and learn how he's doing if I should ask. (I haven't, but it's nice knowing that I could). I'd also like to know how close your mutual friend is/was to MPs family. Mine is very close and spends most weekends with xMM and BW. They also vacation together. These two couples are a part of a close-knit group of couples that share a common activity.

 

He knew all of my friends and most of my family. He introduced me to most of his family and friends. I knew some of his siblings before we even met so it was pretty comfortable and normal for the most part. We had some medical issues that went on and the calls were an actual reality for us.

 

Now that we're together years after the A it's good having the history with them.

[MissBee]

He introduced me to his friends but not a "family friend."

 

But he also wasn't married so the dynamic was different. His friends knew her but were his friends and not mutual family friends.

 

Not sure I'd have felt comfortable with the family "friend" thing and in reality this person is really something to be hanging out with the married couple, while aiding the cheater. I would hate to be put in that position as the family friend and surely wouldn't volunteer for it. Unless it was a friend with an abusive spouse I hated or something, then MAYBE, I could support that...but otherwise, I wouldn't want to be in the middle.

 

His friends had loyalty to him and not her, so it was a bit different, in that they weren't pretending to be her friends or anything while knowing about the A.

[White Flower]

Thanks for your responses.

 

My contact has had a close up view of both the interaction between me and xMM and BW and xMM and said xMM definitely looked happier with me but that guilt and finances played a major role in not completing the D. Our mutual friend also refuses to accept BW's friend request at FB but has kept me as a friend going on three years now. I post on his wall, and he mine, and nothing is hidden. All his FB friends that are also BW's FB friends knew about our A and stalked me on FB. He kept/keeps it neutral and says he knows me but never knew any details of our A. He did, but in order to stop gossip he played dumb. But he did inform me of calls that came in from xMM's friends who wondered why xMM changed his profile picture to one of us holding each other. I then blocked them for a while until the A was over.

 

Has any OP/WS here had a similar experience? How did it affect you? Me, water off a duck's back.

[White Flower]

He introduced me to his friends but not a "family friend."

 

But he also wasn't married so the dynamic was different. His friends knew her but were his friends and not mutual family friends.

 

Not sure I'd have felt comfortable with the family "friend" thing and in reality this person is really something to be hanging out with the married couple, while aiding the cheater. I would hate to be put in that position as the family friend and surely wouldn't volunteer for it. Unless it was a friend with an abusive spouse I hated or something, then MAYBE, I could support that...but otherwise, I wouldn't want to be in the middle.

 

His friends had loyalty to him and not her, so it was a bit different, in that they weren't pretending to be her friends or anything while knowing about the A.

Long time Miss Bee, how are you doing?

 

First let me point out that xMM's IC took issue with the word "cheating", as he preferred to use the modern terminology of "seeking happiness". (I was at this particular session when he stated this). As a sincere friend to xMM, our mutual friend was only aiding in helping his friend seek happiness, not in cheating.

 

Our mutual friend does have an abusive spouse, she is severely verbally abusive toward him. xMM's BW is not so much abusive as much as she is judgmental. Again, I wouldn't state something like that without having heard xMM and his IC state it.

 

I think oftentimes there are friends who know the M couple who also know about the A and look the other way. I have a friend who's MM takes her out every weekend, both nights, and her MM always brings his friends along and introduces his OW to them. They happen to adore the BW, but they don't feel it necessary to inform her of anything.

[MissBee]

Long time Miss Bee, how are you doing?

 

First let me point out that xMM's IC took issue with the word "cheating", as he preferred to use the modern terminology of "seeking happiness". (I was at this particular session when he stated this). As a sincere friend to xMM, our mutual friend was only aiding in helping his friend seek happiness, not in cheating.

 

Our mutual friend does have an abusive spouse, she is severely verbally abusive toward him. xMM's BW is not so much abusive as much as she is judgmental. Again, I wouldn't state something like that without having heard xMM and his IC state it.

 

I think oftentimes there are friends who know the M couple who also know about the A and look the other way. I have a friend who's MM takes her out every weekend, both nights, and her MM always brings his friends along and introduces his OW to them. They happen to adore the BW, but they don't feel it necessary to inform her of anything.

 

Hi WF, I'm doing well, h ope all is well with you.

 

As for the "modern terminology" for cheating being "seeking happiness"...well....I'm not gonna touch that one tonight . Although in short, seeking happiness is a nebulous term, as lots of things people do in the name of seeking happiness brings destruction, hence, one should only be able to seek happiness insofar as it is not negatively impacting others' lives and their ability to do the same. But you could really call anything seeking YOUR happiness. Most injustices are committed in the name of one party seeking their own interest and happiness at the expensive of others. Happiness is wonderful and happy people tend to want the same for others. But when one's happiness comes wrapped in packages of lies, betrayal or other universally negative things...then it becomes questionable. Ok so I touched it a little lol.

 

To the bold: I wouldn't want friends like that personally, but to each her own. As long as we know what we value and respect and seek like-minded individuals, then that's all we can do.