tryingtobehappy Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 This summer has been horrible. I was dating a man 11 years older then he was still separated from his wife while we were dating and has two kids. He called one day asking if I would go to him to a work related event, I thought he just needed someone to go with and didn’t even consider it to be a real date, we had a wonderful time and went out later on that week. It turned out to be an 8 month relationship that ended this June. He left me, out of the blue, we never fought, and we talked multiple times everyday, we e-mailed each other all day long. I was heartbroken when it happened. His anniversary with his wife was a week before he dumped me, he had to see her for his kids communion and then later that week on there b-day party, I think he finally realized how sad he was that the marriage was ending because of the few times we talked about it he seemed in denial about the events. (she left him he was perfectly happy) of course he never said this to me, he just called up on Saturday morning after not calling Friday night, which was the first time he has never called me, he told me he was confused that “she (his wife) was so nice to him” then he said his kids are waking up and he had to go. It was the oddest conversation and I new something was up, Sunday he called and acted normal, I asked him if he still wanted me to come over Monday and he said yes, I was sooo relived thinking that things were going to be ok, then Monday when I called to tell him I was leaving, as I drove down my street I saw him run across from my park (he lives 40 min away from me and I didn’t want me driving home that far after he ended it) he cried the whole time, and said he thinks my feelings for him are stronger then what he feels for me. I called him later on that night when the shock wore off, I was in tears, he was crying harder then me, he said I was everywhere in the house, but he was going to change his mind. He told me I made him so happy; he was just all over the place. Since the break-up he calls me I would say once a week, I never cal l him (except on his b-day). When we talk the conversation is normally great, we just talk about his work, family. He called me the day he got divorced to tell me all about it. We e-mail each other, it’s becoming less frequently but we do. One time he called me to tell me he was down the street from my second job with his two kids (I have never met them) and wanted to see if I was working so they could stop by! (I wasn’t working that day) I have only seen him twice since the breakup when he came into my work to take out my bosses. Well I have been ok with the “friend” thing that we have been trying out. Up until this weekend, he was supposed to go golfing with me at a work tournament we had planed it about a month ago and he canceled because his kids first soccer game was this Sunday and he is the coach, he said he really wanted to go…blah blah blah, I was fine with this, his kids have been through a lot and understood where his priorities lie. But a guy I worked with asked someone else why he wasn’t going and he said “maybe the new girl has him whipped” ok I may be totally reading in to this comment because the guy that made it is always trying to say something funny, but, it made me think he might be dating someone new. I found out about this comment thru a work friend and my heart stopped, My ex is friends with a lot of people from my work, and this was the only indication that he may be seeing someone else, the one guy who made the comment I am not close enough to ask, and I don’t want to seem pitiful and I know he would back and tell my ex that I was asking. So I looked up online and saw that he does have a soccer game this Sunday, you think I would be relieved but I am still wondering if he is dating someone new, I feel like my heart has been broken again. Do you think I ever have a chance with him again or should I just let him go? I don’t know if the contact thing is healthy for me but I don’t know how to stop it. Writing all this down made me cry. Link to post Share on other sites
prevch Posted September 11, 2004 Share Posted September 11, 2004 ouch. Well believe it or not you are better off than a lot of us here a lot of our exes won't even contact us anyways! 1. Don't use the Lord's name in vain. Even if you are not a Christian because it makes God feel the way you do right now every time it happens. If you need to swear choose one of those lovely four letter words 2. This guy loves you. It is fairly obvious that he loves his kids as well. Be friends. Bring up the conversation about you guys being together and tell him how you feel but don't pressure him. 3. Try to meet his kids. If you can meet his kids, relate to his kids, have fun with his kids, love his kids, he sees that you are a interested in their well being. The best way to a loving father's heart is through his children. I am NOT saying manipulate the children I am saying actually LOVE them if indeed you do get the opportunity. But work on him first the last thing anyone wants is to hurt the kids in any way shape or form. 4. Have patience and faith. You love him and that means a lot whether he knows it or not. Actions speak louder than words. Show how much you care and that you are there for him when he needs it. I hope this helps and I hope it all works out for you. Love God, ~Prevch Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts