AverageCat Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 So let's say guy X and girl Y are seeing each other long distance "undefined". Y has feelings for X but wants to live the single life for a while and doesn't believe in long distance too much, so she tells him that she might be going to see other people. Y starts seeing an old friend Z and they start hooking up NSA. Y doesn't tell X about Z. Y and X see each other after some months. X makes Y jealous, but then tells her she's all he wants and they "joke around" about maybe not seeing other people. Y goes back home and keeps hooking up with Z..... Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) Do yourself a huge favor and be upfront and honest about whether you want exclusivity or not. Don't try to manipulate the situation from behind the scene. Either you want it or you don't and the other person has a right to know without any doubt about where you stand. If you don't you will end up in one big convoluted mess that hurts all involved. I was in a similar situation a long time ago and the person said they made it clear that we were exclusive and it was total news to me. That person treated me like one of those guys that are "just not that into you" so I went on with living my life and saw others (this was years ago). He disappeared often after seeing me so what was I suppose to think right? The whole thing turned into a big mess and it was one of the most hurtful situations in my life. Again, do the right thing and put it out there about where you stand and what your expectations are and go from there. You should also seek out a good therapist to figure out what is causing your faulty relationship coping skills. Edited March 27, 2013 by chelsea2011 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AverageCat Posted March 27, 2013 Author Share Posted March 27, 2013 Do yourself a huge favor and be upfront and honest about whether you want exclusivity or not. Don't try to manipulate the situation from behind the scene. Either you want it or you don't and the other person has a right to know without any doubt about where you stand. If you don't you will end up in one big convoluted mess that hurts all involved. I was in a similar situation a long time ago and the person said they made it clear that we were exclusive and it was total news to me. That person treated me like one of those guys that are "just not that into you" so I went on with living my life and saw others (this was years ago). He disappeared often and seeing me so what was I suppose to think right? The whole thing turned into a big mess and it was one of the most hurtful situations in my life. Again, do the right thing and put it out there about where you stand and what your expectations are and go from there. You should also seek out a good therapist to figure out what is causing your faulty relationship coping skills. Thanks I have been upfront and honest. This is in my gfs past. I REALLY don't tolerate cheating and this detail of her past bothers me... I talked to her about it and she said they both knew that it was long distance and therefore there was no expectations. But the guy recently told me that they had "kind of" discussed not seeing other people, but had not talked about it serious-serious. I trust the guy 100% Link to post Share on other sites
Author AverageCat Posted March 27, 2013 Author Share Posted March 27, 2013 I am sorry... but it is cheating... Thanks, Still looking for more opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 It's pretty simple...since you communicated with her already, you have to decide if you can accept that she slept with this guy and may or may not be lying. You'll never know for sure. She obviously doesn't care that much if you move on if she kept hooking up with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 With only a joking, "hey, maybe we should be exclusive, haha, oh, wouldn't that be something?" I don't see how it could be construed as cheating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Casual undefined relationships, NSA, FWB, etc, etc, aren't relevant to 'cheating', as there is no defined commitment or agreement amongst the parties. You're all single. Have fun. That's my .02. I would not expect fidelity, nor practice it, if so inclined, in such a situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AverageCat Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 It's pretty simple...since you communicated with her already, you have to decide if you can accept that she slept with this guy and may or may not be lying. You'll never know for sure. She obviously doesn't care that much if you move on if she kept hooking up with this guy. I'm the guy (Z) she was hooking up with.... She is now my gf. However X and Y were really close. I.e. they would talk to each other every day and it bothers me that she was lying to this guy... I just find it really unattractive. But on the other hand the relationship btw X and Y was NOT defined, it was more like a poster above said... "Haha what if we don't see other people" jokingly. They were DEFINITELY NOT gf and bf. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Ah, I see. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 I'm the guy (Z) she was hooking up with.... She is now my gf. However X and Y were really close. I.e. they would talk to each other every day and it bothers me that she was lying to this guy... I just find it really unattractive. But on the other hand the relationship btw X and Y was NOT defined, it was more like a poster above said... "Haha what if we don't see other people" jokingly. They were DEFINITELY NOT gf and bf. Honestly, if she wasn't cheating on X due to the relationship not being "defined" as you suggest, then you really have nothing to bitch about. You enabled Y's activities. You were an angle to the tri. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Furthermore, if you knew about X while you were hooking up with Y why would you all of a sudden find her behavior unattractive? If it is a case of cheating, then chances are this relationship won't last anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Wait just a second now..is it cheating? If other dude wants to live the single life and do whatever he wants to do then surely she can do whatever she wants to do? but... Is that what she told you? Do you know for a fact that this guy actually said he wanted the single life? I'd find out from him personally what the exact nature of their relationship was. If he was unaware and your girl lied about it, then big problems for you buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AverageCat Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 I am sorry but its cheating. You should not look up for other girlfriend or boyfriend when you are in relationship with one. But if your relationship is not working then breakup with him/her and then go to the other one. X was never in a relationship with Y. Ohh I didn't know the subject of exclusivity was a topic for jokes.... maybe that is what she is selling you... I know this from the guy X for sure so she's not selling me anything. They were never bf and gf, but they would talk every day. Furthermore, if you knew about X while you were hooking up with Y why would you all of a sudden find her behavior unattractive? If it is a case of cheating, then chances are this relationship won't last anyway. She was never too open about her relationship with X. She would tell me that they were good friends and that they had hooked up and they chatted a lot. And that wouldn't bother me as long as they weren't "together". And X wasn't hooking up with Y. They were long distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AverageCat Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 Hmmm if you are so convinced... why do you ask? It looks like all our answers do not fit what you want to hear..? There's different answers from different people. (as you may be able to see). I'm not gonna lie, I would rather hear something good, but non the less take every piece of advice very much in consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts