Insecurity is creeping up on me :(

[Sinner86]

[sIZE=2]I have to say with all honesty that out of 5 relationships I have had in the time that I was 15 to 26 years of age, 3 of them ended bitterly. The other two ended for more obvious reasons (1 of them was because we were in a long distance relationship, he in FL and I in CT) and the second because he had lots of baggage that he had not dealt with it and what he needed more than a relationship was help. In the other 3 relationships, I was cheated on. I am struggling with understanding what habits/behaviors that I display that "encourage" cheating. For the most part, I am secure with myself, the only issue that I have felt that was a bit much is that I am overweight which I have been working on and to-date have lost almost 40lbs. I would like to lose 30lbs more overall. But other than, I am not sure what I am missing in deciphering whether a man will be loyal and keep his fidelity.

 

I read tons of online articles on how to "Catch a player" and etc but for some reason, I am blindsighted and something just happens and as of lately, when talking to men I have been getting these crazy gut feelings when something isn't going to work out.

 

…Needless to say, I met someone online about a month ago. After e-mailing on the site back and forth we exchanged phone numbers a few days later and began texting. After a few days of texting, he called me. We talked for three hours and when I decided to go to bed, we still ended up texting back and forth until I fell asleep. The next day he said that he was very interested and wanted to meet me. We decided that we would meet on a Saturday night and we had a quick bite. We talked for a little afterwards and I decided to wrap things up about 2.5 hours later. He texted me and said that he wanted to go on a formal date and asked me out. I said yes. Long story short, to date, we have gone on three dates since our meeting and we have had regular communication. He texts, I text, he calls, I call. But in between that time, this is the 2nd time I have become a bit uncomfortable with something. This may sound clingy, so if it is clingy, please do point it out, but I do need perspective and assurance because I am being driven to frustration.

 

About a week and some days ago, I didn't hear from him for several hours. I wasn't worried but it was weird considering he would text me when he was about to take a shower, or fall asleep. I don't know but that spoiled me because I felt that he wanted to make sure that I knew he wasn't ignoring me. After meeting with him, I have noticed that unless we are having a conversation, he does usually have his cell phone in hand and texts whoever right away. Yesterday he did it again! He told me he was taking his son to hockey practice and that it ended at 6pm. Figuring he was with his son, I simply sent a text to him as I was tired and said I hope he had a great night with his son and that we will talk tomorrow. He started to text me saying he misses me and etc etc and that he's a little stressed and etc. He also texted that he would call ASAP. I don't know WHY but this just made me feel horrible. I am starting to worry, and I have been visited by my old pal insecurity. Did I get too comfortable with him telling me his every move?...Am I missing signs of him potentially being a "player"… I don't know what to make out of this and if I am just overreacting.

　

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[AverageCat]

I ll give you a bit of advice.

 

a) - Whether you cheat or not is independent on being a player or not.

b) - Cheating has to do with someone's values. Nothing with you. Once a cheater always a cheater is the saying, meaning it's independent on the person being cheated on.

c) - It's hard to find non-cheating people in our era. Sad but true. People are brought up to believe that they can have what they want when they want it and their pleasure and happiness is the only goal.

d) - Screen for core values. Relations with his family, friends. Do they trust him. Does he care / take care about people?

e) - Have a HUGE channel of communication and be non-judgmental about it. Would you rather your man tell you about the hot chick at work who he is "kindof" attracted to, but won't do anything since he values a lot what you 2 have, or would you rather him figure out everything on his own in his head...?

 

IMO you can usually spot potential cheaters. Sometime it's from someone you least expected it.

 

EDIT: Check my thread below if you appreciate my post and if you have time!

[AverageCat]

I say most of the problem is the fact that many guys cheat today in our society so its not really you. Around 65% of married men admit to having an affair or cheating. It is probably a litle higher since some wont admit it. To be fair, women do too at similar rates although I think its 55% for married women so a little bit less. You cannot control whether or not someone cheats. It is not you, it is them and their character flaws. Although I will admit, being overweight increases the odds of a guy cheating at least in my opinion. Few guys today will have the impulse control to say no to free sex from a hot woman if their girlfriend isnt hot. It is human nature. Thats why I tell women to never let go of their looks. I wont ever stop exercising, eating right and trying to look decent everyday because guys are more visual than women and unfortunately, keeping up your looks is one of the best ways to get your man's attention and love. They are that shallow. I never thought this way before and it saddens me, but it seems to be true.

 

I'm sure those estimates are in North America. Try some more conservative countries and you'll see those dropping rapidly.

 

Also be the change you want to see in the system .

[AverageCat]

Where do you live? You seem American. It is easy to say that when your values match everybody around you. I agree with you but it will make me single for most of my life probably. I have so many people tell me on here Im too harsh and then others say Im not harsh enough.

 

When I say be the change you want to see in the system... I mean never cheat under any circumstances... and point out your views on cheating to anyone around you. And if you see a friend cheating tell him that s/he sucks.

 

Don't worry too much about yourself . You'll be fine, cheated on or not.

 

Cheers,

 

EDIT: Check my thread below please!!

[sandrawg]

Cheating has nothing to do w the other partners looks. Look at tiger woods wife.

 

I have been cheated on or lied to in all.my serious relationships. Im a paid model. Most people consider me attractive. Go figure.