I'm very confused!!!!

[edgerrin]

My girlfriend of 3 and a half years is really adament about not being with me right now, or ever again. It has been about 6 weeks apart. We got back together for a few days in the middle, but she ended it again. It is a long story.

 

But anyway, I still feel more than ever that she is the person for me. No matter what she has done these past few weeks, I still forgive her. I have thought about her every second for the past 6 weeks. It has been the hardest thing that I have ever done. Yet, I still am working. I still have hope. I know that everyone aroung me is telling me to move on, but I just won't listen. I invested too much of my trust and heart into this person. I just can't believe that she would do this to me. There has to be something else. This person shared such a romantic evening with me in the midst of this breakup. How could someone so adament in being apart from me, show such passion for me? How could two days later, she decide that she really doesn't even care to talk to me again? Why am I wrong for thinking she is confused still? I think she just needs some time away to see what she is missing. I mean, you can't give somebody something like passion, and then take it away like it was nothing. She has to still have feelings for me. But, she has pretty much shut me out of her life the past month. I know why she is doing this, but I just can't see how. How can she still have my picture on her wallpaper at home? How can she still have all my pictures up around her house? How can she listen to the CD I just made for her the last two times I've called. Is this person so heartless that she can see reminders of me every damn day, yet still not have any regard for me? Or is she just hiding from her feelings? The feelings inside of her that still love me. The feelings that she is so obviously hiding from the world, and I think herself. I just want to know if her behavior with my pictures and my gifts, and the night of passion we had one month ago from today. How could that all mean nothing? Or is this normal? Thanks to all for reading.

[Tony T]

Nothing is normal in love. Everybody and every situation is unique. But, this can happen. She can absolutely want nothing at all to do with you ever again...and happily play the CDs you made her...even engage in another nice evening with you. There are some people who can just flip their feeling switch on and off at will.

 

Frankly, I smell another guy in the picture here somewhere. I'm not sure where but I'm sure he'll turn up. There are many ladies who will not totally leave a guy until someone else is lined up. I have a sneaking suspicion this is the case.

 

Doesn't make any difference what her motives are. She has absolutely shut you out...a decision she has made. She can also make decisions here and there to invite you for a brief interlude and decide a day later to never see you again.

 

This lady is a bit unstable right now and you are much better staying off away from her...far, far, away and not communicating with her at all. Talking to her only makes you vulnerable to getting sucked in by her for another experience of hurt that will just prolong your healing process.

 

Neither of us may ever totally understand the ability of some people to turn feelings on and off like this...but just take my word for it based on experience, it can happen overnight. Thankfully, it doesn't happen that way too often.

[Natasha]

hi edgerrin,

 

i'm right where you are now. in the exact same spot. i don't know if i have any good advice, but i just want to let you know you are not alone. i know how it feels to have someone not want anything to do with you anymore and having no regard for your feelings.

 

my boyfriend, who was very passionate towards me and who i invested so much of my trust and faith in, all of a suddne, out of nowhere, decided it would be the best thing to break up with me. th e night before, we were talking on the phone, like we always have - laughing and joking, beign affectionate and making arrangements for the weekend. the next day, i called him on my lucnh break and he was acting all funny towards me. he told me we had to meet somewhere after work because he had stuff on his mind and he wanted to say it in person. i knew straight away what he was going to say and a i was a stunned, very confused and upset mess. i had to leave work early because i was feeling sick and shaking from the shock.

 

i was beyond heartbroken when he ended our relationship. this guy meant everything to me, and he still does. and that's really hard for me. it's really hard for me to accept that we shared so many magic moments together, yet he can just cast me aside like a dirty sock. every day i feel very empty without him and i am feeling the loss immensely, but there is absolutely nothing i can do, which makes it harder for me. hoping he will come back is not going to do me any good either.

 

but let me fill you on something too. you said "there has to be something else". the most likely scenario, is there is someone else. this is very painful to acknowledge, i know. how do i know? because i couldn't understand how my boyfriend could just leave me as though everything we ever shared meant nothing. and then i found out that straight after we broke up, he was seeing another person. the more i thought about his sudden decision to leave me and his disregard for my feelings, the more it made sense. because you don't just leave someone with whom you share so much passion for no obvious reason. you will have to ask her this straight out. no lies, no bs. tell her you need to know so you can stop torturing yourself and so you can move on. it will be a hard thing to ask, but you will be stuck in a rut for a long time if you don't, and that is not fair on such a lovely guy like yourself.

 

my boyfriend was adamant that we will never get back together and that us being apart was the best thing. and now i know why. it all makes sense now that he has someone else.

 

like you, i have done nothing but think about him every second of the day, and like yuo, it is the hardest thing ive ever been through in my life. it has gutted me, because he just took away everything that made me happy and everything i deserved and everything i loved. and like you, even though i am hurting so much inside, i still feel he is the one for me, because he was like my angel. and i still love him with all my heart.

 

but im working on believing that hes not the one for me. because if he was, he wouldn't have done this to me. he wouldn't have given me so many wonderful things and memories and then snatched them away from me like he did.

 

i urge you, for you own peace of mind and for your own well-being, to not live in teh hope of having her back. i'm still at the point where i would do anythign to have my boyfriend back, but i'm not going to hope for it, because if it doesn't happen, i will only let myself down, hurt more and obstruct my healing process.

 

when someone does something like this to you, you just can't believe it. you just can't understand why, and the hardest part is dealing with pain of that. but please remember - if she does realise what she is missing, she will come back. but there's every chance she may not realise it. and even though, like me, you know that your partner was a beautiful person, a truly beautiful person would not have shown such disregard for feelings like this and been so cold about it.

 

find out the truth, and you will start to deal with this better. she may still love you, but sometimes love doesn't stop people from doing things like this to those who love them. and that is not fair, but unfortunately, it is life. give yourself time to get over her, and please, listen to your friends. they only want what's best for you, and can see the situation from a more realistic angle than you will right now.

 

i wish you the best of luck in dealing with this. keep posting your thoughts here if you're having a hard time and someone will always respond.

My girlfriend of 3 and a half years is really adament about not being with me right now, or ever again. It has been about 6 weeks apart. We got back together for a few days in the middle, but she ended it again. It is a long story. But anyway, I still feel more than ever that she is the person for me. No matter what she has done these past few weeks, I still forgive her. I have thought about her every second for the past 6 weeks. It has been the hardest thing that I have ever done. Yet, I still am working. I still have hope. I know that everyone aroung me is telling me to move on, but I just won't listen. I invested too much of my trust and heart into this person. I just can't believe that she would do this to me. There has to be something else. This person shared such a romantic evening with me in the midst of this breakup. How could someone so adament in being apart from me, show such passion for me? How could two days later, she decide that she really doesn't even care to talk to me again? Why am I wrong for thinking she is confused still? I think she just needs some time away to see what she is missing. I mean, you can't give somebody something like passion, and then take it away like it was nothing. She has to still have feelings for me. But, she has pretty much shut me out of her life the past month. I know why she is doing this, but I just can't see how. How can she still have my picture on her wallpaper at home? How can she still have all my pictures up around her house? How can she listen to the CD I just made for her the last two times I've called. Is this person so heartless that she can see reminders of me every damn day, yet still not have any regard for me? Or is she just hiding from her feelings? The feelings inside of her that still love me. The feelings that she is so obviously hiding from the world, and I think herself. I just want to know if her behavior with my pictures and my gifts, and the night of passion we had one month ago from today. How could that all mean nothing? Or is this normal? Thanks to all for reading.

[Deejette]

Once a man whom I had been seeing for 2 years came over and made passionate love to me. At the end of the night he told me he met someone else and she is the one. They eventually got married and I was happy for him. I really was not as emotionally involved with him as you are with your girlfriend. But the reason I am bringing this up is that it is possible for someone to make passionate love to someone and still be interested in someone else.

 

I found it odd and a bit horrible that he would do this, but there it was! I wonder what his new wife would have thought if she knew about his goodbye love session with me. The fact is, some people can move on and still make love with the person they have moved on from. The fact that he showed such passion for me did not deter him from marrying the girl that was more suited for him.

 

Therefore, don't pin hopes on the fact that she acted passionately with you after she had nixed the relationship. I don't understand such confused behavior, but I have experienced it myself and therefor know it exists. But to hold out that she will come back to you is not in your best interest. She is not being very kind to you with her wishy-washiness. Keeping your distance, no matter how much it hurts, will preserve your dignity and you will be proud of yourself that you did not grovel over her.

hi edgerrin, i'm right where you are now. in the exact same spot. i don't know if i have any good advice, but i just want to let you know you are not alone. i know how it feels to have someone not want anything to do with you anymore and having no regard for your feelings. my boyfriend, who was very passionate towards me and who i invested so much of my trust and faith in, all of a suddne, out of nowhere, decided it would be the best thing to break up with me. th e night before, we were talking on the phone, like we always have - laughing and joking, beign affectionate and making arrangements for the weekend. the next day, i called him on my lucnh break and he was acting all funny towards me. he told me we had to meet somewhere after work because he had stuff on his mind and he wanted to say it in person. i knew straight away what he was going to say and a i was a stunned, very confused and upset mess. i had to leave work early because i was feeling sick and shaking from the shock.

 

i was beyond heartbroken when he ended our relationship. this guy meant everything to me, and he still does. and that's really hard for me. it's really hard for me to accept that we shared so many magic moments together, yet he can just cast me aside like a dirty sock. every day i feel very empty without him and i am feeling the loss immensely, but there is absolutely nothing i can do, which makes it harder for me. hoping he will come back is not going to do me any good either. but let me fill you on something too. you said "there has to be something else". the most likely scenario, is there is someone else. this is very painful to acknowledge, i know. how do i know? because i couldn't understand how my boyfriend could just leave me as though everything we ever shared meant nothing. and then i found out that straight after we broke up, he was seeing another person. the more i thought about his sudden decision to leave me and his disregard for my feelings, the more it made sense. because you don't just leave someone with whom you share so much passion for no obvious reason. you will have to ask her this straight out. no lies, no bs. tell her you need to know so you can stop torturing yourself and so you can move on. it will be a hard thing to ask, but you will be stuck in a rut for a long time if you don't, and that is not fair on such a lovely guy like yourself. my boyfriend was adamant that we will never get back together and that us being apart was the best thing. and now i know why. it all makes sense now that he has someone else. like you, i have done nothing but think about him every second of the day, and like yuo, it is the hardest thing ive ever been through in my life. it has gutted me, because he just took away everything that made me happy and everything i deserved and everything i loved. and like you, even though i am hurting so much inside, i still feel he is the one for me, because he was like my angel. and i still love him with all my heart.

 

but im working on believing that hes not the one for me. because if he was, he wouldn't have done this to me. he wouldn't have given me so many wonderful things and memories and then snatched them away from me like he did. i urge you, for you own peace of mind and for your own well-being, to not live in teh hope of having her back. i'm still at the point where i would do anythign to have my boyfriend back, but i'm not going to hope for it, because if it doesn't happen, i will only let myself down, hurt more and obstruct my healing process. when someone does something like this to you, you just can't believe it. you just can't understand why, and the hardest part is dealing with pain of that. but please remember - if she does realise what she is missing, she will come back. but there's every chance she may not realise it. and even though, like me, you know that your partner was a beautiful person, a truly beautiful person would not have shown such disregard for feelings like this and been so cold about it.

 

find out the truth, and you will start to deal with this better. she may still love you, but sometimes love doesn't stop people from doing things like this to those who love them. and that is not fair, but unfortunately, it is life. give yourself time to get over her, and please, listen to your friends. they only want what's best for you, and can see the situation from a more realistic angle than you will right now. i wish you the best of luck in dealing with this. keep posting your thoughts here if you're having a hard time and someone will always respond.